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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26049646">Mercy of Loss</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michichi69/pseuds/Michichi69'>Michichi69</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hetalia: Axis Powers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1980s, Abuse, Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Noir, Amnesia, Attempted Murder, Character Death, Coma, Complicated Relationships, Crimes &amp; Criminals, Dark, Detectives, Domestic Disputes, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drugs, F/M, Gay Bar, Graphic Description of Corpses, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Torture, Investigations, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Multi, Murder, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Drug Use, Period-Typical Homophobia, Physical Abuse, Police, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Imbalance, Psychological Trauma, Recreational Drug Use, Red Herrings, Religion, Serial Killers, Symbolism, Temporary Amnesia, Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:54:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>41,548</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26049646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michichi69/pseuds/Michichi69</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the late hours of the 17th of December, 1985, Lovino Vargas is suspected to be the only survivor of an ongoing case to find an elusive serial killer. Two detectives on the case must work with him to find the last face he saw before his story started. The only problem is - He can't remember. As his memory of the events that transpired before his awakening come back to him, he almost wishes he could forget them again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), Hungary/Prussia (Hetalia), South Italy/Spain (Hetalia)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Rebirth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>*A few notes to preface this fanfiction due to the nature of it...</p><p>1. Some of the subjects that will be in here... There will be violence. Perhaps too graphic for some although I try not to be gratuitous with descriptions. There will not be sexual violence although that will be a topic that is implied, it isn't something that would be graphic. Mental illness will be quite a heavy topic - this is surrounding an attempted murder so of course there will be something of the sorts. Homophobic language is involved as well as certain homophobic actions, even if it's implied. I'm sure there will be more than that I haven't picked up on but they will appear in the tags - these are just the main subjects that might be sensitive to some readers.</p><p>2. There will probably be OOC, that is just the nature of this kind of AU (Involving a character being a murderer, so, of course) although I try to stick to core character traits. If you've read my other work, you see I don't exactly stick exactly to characters from the source.</p><p>3. There will be inaccuracies, whether that is to do with languages other than English or medical terminology, etc. I do try to do research for those types of things but I'm not a robot (I promise), I can't get it all right all the time but I'm sure that's understandable. If you notice anything though, feel free to point it out.</p><p>I'd appreciate it if any of these things will be a problem to the reader that you do leave or don't provide unnecessary feedback. What I mean by unnecessary feedback are direct insults or unconstructive comments involving the use of these subjects. If I am inaccurate in something that can be a genuine problem - let's say if I were to depict people who suffer from depression poorly - then yes, I'd like to hear constructive criticism, and I will go back and look over the issue with further care (In those cases there would be delays). I do listen to feedback as best I can and will respond to such comments as fast as possible! I am trying to improve my writing every post so any feedback is lovely - or even just nice little comments for motivation. It's all accepted! Thank you. :)</p><p>This is just to cover my bases before I post further as I will not discuss any of these points further throughout the rest of this fic. I will post content warnings (CW) at the beginning of any chapters that might involve sensitive subjects, even if they are only a brief mention.</p><p>With that over, please read on. :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Lovino let out a guttural groan when he opened his eyes. It was dark and he could hear crickets chirping away amongst the black that surrounded him. Or were they frogs croaking? It was hard to think at all. His body was numb but he could feel a dull ache that kept distracting him whenever he tried to move a muscle. It was as if he was <em>dead</em> but that was ridiculous. He was conscious, now that he listened closer, he could tell they were frogs now.</p><p> </p><p>His memory was hazy. A mist in his mind prevented him from remembering any more than his morning and then waking up here. It was a shock to his system to remember eating his breakfast, talking to his brother, and walking out the door to go to work… Then after work, music. Drinking? <em>The club</em>, yes. That was right. Then – Waking up here. It didn’t make any sense. It didn’t matter right now all he could think about was how his head hurt, <em>oh God</em>, did it hurt. The tips of his fingers and toes tingled with an odd sensation in his gut telling him that he had to get up.</p><p> </p><p>The only way he could tell he was outside was the breeze of the night and the lights that dotted the sky like a Pollock painting. Now that he thought of it, the stars above did seem to be blurring together much more than what he remembered. Not that he stared at the night sky that often.</p><p> </p><p>His heart raced. His heart raced mostly because he couldn’t remember<em> anything</em>. It must’ve been a two-hour gap at least from the point he could remember and at most, who even knew how long it could've been since his last memory. What had happened to lead him here? His eyes threatened to close, he was dead tired. It was tempting to close his eyes just for a few seconds.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, a constriction in his heart and a dryness throat told him that he had to <em>leave</em>. This wasn’t normal, this was a sign that something terrible had happened. A burst of adrenaline forced him to roll himself over. A suppressed scream came from his throat before he stopped himself. Breathing heavily, he realized just how painful it was to move. Even in his relatively unfeeling state, he knew that he was hurt. He just couldn’t tell where or why he was in such agony.</p><p> </p><p>There was sweat building on his brow that was leaking into his eyes, it stung slightly before he wiped his face of the liquid. Nonetheless, he had to close them just so it wouldn’t happen again, continuing a slow crawl away from wherever he was. Sometimes he felt tufts of grass between his fingers but most of the effort seemed to be in digging his fingertips into grainy dirt. <em>Christ</em>, he didn’t want to know how dirty his clothes had gotten or how long he would be washing the dirt from under his nails.</p><p> </p><p>It was starting to hurt even more now; his thoughts were becoming clouded by the idea of <em>surviving.</em> It felt like if he stopped, he might not wake up again this time. A stray sob managed to escape his mouth before he had to put a stop to it. It hurt too much to make noise and it was making him think the worst. If he cried, then all that served to do was destroy a semblance of awareness he had for his dire situation.</p><p> </p><p>It took too long to get to a point where he could hear the sounds of tires on asphalt speeding by. That sound made him want to stop right there and give up. <em>Somebody </em>else could find him here and he’d be fine. But a half-assed effort wasn’t going to do him any favors.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Cazzo-</em>” He choked out before coughing from his croaking throat. It was too hard to make any sounds that were actually <em>words</em>. Staying here wasn’t an option as he felt the dirt ahead of him going on an incline. Perhaps it was his frustration that gave him a burst of strength to pull himself up, using his knee to help him climb. Even if it hurt like a bitch.</p><p> </p><p>His heavy breathing was causing him to cough again, when he tasted metal in his mouth it made him wonder just where the taste was coming from. It didn’t matter, when he squinted in the dark, he could see headlights in the distance. He clawed at the remaining dirt mixing with gravel to push himself over closer to the edge of the road. Soon the headlights got closer but went right by him from how long he was taking. For a second, he wondered if that was it. The real fear that he was going to die was making him project all kinds of horrible thoughts.</p><p> </p><p><em>I missed my chance</em>. He thought. His breathing quickened; he was at least somewhat visible. It felt okay to cry now. Cry from the frustration of it all but most of all, from how badly his body was burning from the agony that he couldn’t yet place.</p><p> </p><p>His instinct was to try and stand, hoping that would gain the attention of <em>someone</em>. Anyone would do. Maybe it was stupid, but he stumbled forward, somewhat upright. He fell onto the asphalt before he stood up again. At least if he were hit by someone, it couldn’t possibly feel any worse than he did now.</p><p> </p><p>It must have been ten more minutes of just trying to stand up straight without the feedback of pain, waving at nothing before he could see another pair of lights in the distance. Now there was not a chance they could<em> not</em> see him and they would have to actively avoid him by changing lanes to do anything effective. When the car approached, it slowed down which brought a surge of relief to him. Even though it hurt to stand, he rushed towards the stranger’s hood before it had even come to a full stop.</p><p> </p><p>When his hands slid across the surface, he could see he had smeared something red. A thought came to mind that was one of the only conscious thoughts he’d had all night. <em>That’s blood</em>. Where it came from though? He didn’t know. His body froze from the shock.</p><p> </p><p>The car door slamming made him remember just where he was and what he was doing.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Schießer</em>- Are you- What are you doing out here?” He couldn’t see the figure very well; his eyes were being obscured by the sting of sweat. It was hard for him to take himself out of his state of shock anyway, his sight dedicated to staring down at his bloodied hands.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t kno-“ His voice couldn’t get anywhere above a whisper before he stopped. Not just because it irritated his throat too much, but because he couldn’t believe that voice had come from him. The shaking that went down to the bone wasn’t going away, it made his legs buckle from under him. His body tilted to one side, swaying slightly to try and maintain balance before he felt hands helping him stay upright, guiding him inside the car.</p><p> </p><p>When he was sitting down, he could finally breathe with the knowledge his chances of dying had slimmed but now that he was inside the car, he could see what was wrong with him. When the stranger got into the other side, he barely paid any mind to him as he looked down and saw how soaked his shirt was in a crimson. The stranger didn’t waste any time to speed off, Lovino didn’t know how far the hospital would be, he didn’t even know where he was in the first place. For all he knew, he was in a completely different city.</p><p> </p><p>“Use my jacket,” The thick German accent beside him made him turn towards the stranger. Blonde hair had fallen onto his forehead during the rush somehow. One hand on the wheel and the other removing the rest of his jacket, he handed it over to Lovino. His first instinct was to wear it – he was so cold. But the stranger seemed more distressed by something else. “Wipe the blood away first.”</p><p> </p><p><em>The blood</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Lovino wiped his hands, dirt and blood stains speckled on army green. It felt like slow motion with every movement. His mind couldn’t keep up with his body with every step. When a sharp pain attacked his abdomen, he pulled his shirt up just to see what was wrong with him. A gasp came from his lips which was quick to turn into panicked breathing. He had to pull his shirt back down just so he didn’t pass out.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Please</em>, calm down – you’re going to hurt yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to scream at this stranger, <em>of course he was panicking!</em> <em>There was a fucking hole in his</em> <em>stomach</em>, he thought.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m <em>dying</em>-“ Was his only response. His own voice cutting him off in a hoarse whisper.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not dying, just- just hold on, use my jacket to help. Wipe your face of blood- <em>Tick nicht ab</em>, <em>Ludwig</em>!” Somehow, Lovino knew that the last part wasn’t for him. It was weird to see <em>him </em>freaking out when Lovino was the one with his foot halfway in death’s door. “<em>Ack</em>! What’s your name?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, I-I-” He croaked, for a second, he couldn’t remember. That second was terrifying. “<em>Lovino</em>… Lovino.” He coughed, hacking up that metallic taste again.</p><p> </p><p>“Lovino, tell me where you are.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t- I can’t remember- <em>Ah</em>, <em>merda</em>-</p><p> </p><p>“Just <em>speak</em>, talk, say anything- Just stay awake and try not to think about anything else. It’ll be okay, we’re nearly there.” He tried to find something, anything to say. For some reason, his mind went to prayer. Despite the fact his brother and he hadn't exactly kept up with the church since they were kids - too many bad memories of boredom in that place. Nonetheless, it was <em>something </em>and the only thing stuck in his head enough to get out with confidence.</p><p> </p><p>“…Padre nostro che sei nei cieli, sia santificato il tuo no-nome; ve-venga il tuo reg…“ He began to trail off, head leaning on the window before he shot up, moving away from the sight of himself.</p><p> </p><p>He knew his eyes were impossibly wide when he caught himself in the side mirror, the blood that was dripping down his face and into his eyes. It wasn’t <em>sweat</em>. It was so much worse than what he thought it would be – he didn’t know what happened to get him here in such a state. It felt more like a movie than reality but <em>God</em>, it hurt so much. He had to relax, calm his racing heart.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>R-Regno</em> - sia fatta la tua volontà, co-come in cielo così in terra. Dacci oggi il nostro pane quotidiano, rimetti a noi i nostri debiti-” His throat was raw, another cough interrupting him. “Come noi li rimettiamo ai nostri debitori e non ci indurre in tentazione, ma liberaci dal male… <em>M-Male</em>…<em>Male</em>…” His head hit the window with a soft thump. His hands felt cold, his face felt numb. His eyes falling shut.</p><p> </p><p><em>Amen</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“…Amen.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Awake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Black. It was just black. For a long time, that’s all he saw. Like he was sleeping, dreaming even but he didn’t feel like it. He didn’t <em>think </em>he was sleeping at all; he was entirely conscious. It was an odd sensation. It was as if he was underwater in a bright, bright world. One where he couldn’t move. There was noise but it sounded so far away or obscured. Then his dreams became odd, he dreamt of his brother before suddenly his grandfather was with him. His grandfather had passed two years ago now, it was impossible for him to be beside him, talking like he was really there but it certainly felt real. Everything felt so vivid, his grandfather was eating ice cubes with him and talking as if he never passed. Sitting beside him in a white room, one without a floor. What was stranger was the fact Lovino didn’t even react heavily to the idea of his <em>grandfather </em>being beside him as if nothing had ever happened. Then his brother gave him some more ice cubes, touching his hair and telling him all kinds of stories about his life. Lovino had nothing to give him in return but he liked to listen to him.</p><p> </p><p>Then a stranger would speak to him in a chipper disembodied voice, greet him, tell him that he was going to give him an injection or put something in his mouth, do her <em>rounds</em>, nourish him… Like a plant. Then a laugh. <em>Weird</em>. But Lovino accepted, he wasn’t sure who this voice was but he decided there wasn’t much he was going to do about it. He also didn’t mind the sound of it, she seemed to be kind. He was sure he’d asked her to kiss him at least a few times, that voice sounded so sweet.</p><p> </p><p>He was floating fairly high off the ground but still couldn’t move anything other than his head. Then his brother spoke to him again, his grandfather joining in and talking over each other as if nobody was being interrupted. He had that same experience to varying degrees several times, sometimes a few surreal dreamlike situations that seemed to happen one after the other. This was just his life and he thought it was just fine that way.</p><p> </p><p><em>Then</em>, his body seemed to have weight again.</p><p> </p><p>The first thing he felt was an agonizing pain shooting up his body. It was much different from the weightless feeling. Everything was still hazy in his mind but now it was just a little less… Bright. It was strange not having any context as to where he was but all he knew was that he had too many tubes around him going every which way. <em>One was too many</em>. Everything not only hurt but was also uncomfortable beyond anything he’d felt before. He was trapped in a stiff position.</p><p> </p><p>The person beside he was a stranger, a nurse of some kind maybe a doctor. He couldn’t really decipher anything about them based on the uniform but she was a blonde and had a bubbly smile on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“W-Wha…” He croaked. “Wh-Where…” His body felt weird and he could move his hands. It was as if he was dead, he felt dead right now. Was this death? Or maybe another dream?</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning, Lovino.” <em>That voice</em>. He could hear shoes softly clacking against the floor. <em>Huh</em>, so there was a floor now.</p><p> </p><p>“You… <em>Nourished me</em>. Like a plant…” He mumbled, blinking a couple of times before shutting his eyes. Although, he was unsure she could understand him. In his head, it sounded alright. But he could feel his mouth slurring the words together.</p><p> </p><p>Something told him she didn’t understand him or just didn't realize he was talking at all.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m a plant,” He said quite confidently. When he opened his eyes again, he could see a little more clearly. Then he moved before he let out a groan. “<em>It hurts</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Oh</em>!” She exclaimed before scurrying away quite urgently. Suddenly, there seemed to be <em>two </em>people in front of him now. One the woman and the other a man. The man was… <em>Tall</em>. Very tall. Maybe this was a dream about a giant.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Lovino</em>,” The man stressed. “Are you awake?” <em>Awake</em>. <em>Of fucking course</em> he was awake. He had been for a while now. He nodded slowly.</p><p> </p><p>“Where…” His throat itched with irritation, dry and hoarse.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re in the hospital, you had surgery seven days ago.” The cute nurse or doctor lady explained.</p><p> </p><p>“Surgery? I don’t… I can’t remember <em>surgery</em>…” <em>Those </em>hadn’t appeared in his memory. Not once. Seven days ago, seemed like an awfully long time. What day was it now?</p><p> </p><p>“We had to put you in a short coma, you’ll gain your awareness slowly. You were in quite a bad way, Lovino.” That nice nurse, or doctor, he didn’t know. She was closer now.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I get a kiss?” he asked. He thought he needed one. The lady laughed. That laugh, he liked it. His face was turning red at the thought of her being beside him, she was an attractive woman. <em>Cute</em> even.</p><p> </p><p>“No, Lovino. Those are the drugs talking.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s my brother? He was telling me a story.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ah</em>, we didn’t know about a brother. You’re here alone. But if you need to call him, we have a phone just beside you, you just ask me anytime and I’ll let him know you’re here. What is your last name?”</p><p> </p><p>“My brother wasn’t here?” He asked in a hurt voice, cracking. It was something he felt deep inside him. His heart was making some painful pangs in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I know it sounds like he was here but we didn’t know of a brother.” The sympathy in her voice made it hard for him to be sad or angry. He was just confused.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Vargas</em>… I think. I’m Lovino Vargas. And-And Feliciano Vargas is my brother,” His voice, it kept turning into a weak whisper. Nothing like what he thought he sounded like in his head. “What’s wrong with my voice?” The tall man gave him a hard look, not warm like the lady was.</p><p> </p><p>“Your trachea was damaged quite badly. But you will recover, your voice will hopefully go back to the way it was if not a little raspier.” <em>Lovino didn’t want to know</em>. He shook his head. His head feeling tight from the bandage around it.</p><p> </p><p>“I just want my brother.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“<em>Oh, God</em>!” His brother, dramatic as ever, bounded quickly towards him. His hands were unsure. Usually, he would hug Lovino in a tight embrace but now all he had to hold onto was a hand. “I didn’t know you were going through this! Why didn’t you tell me? What happened?” Too many damn questions.</p><p> </p><p>“I was in a coma, you idiot. I couldn’t exactly tell you.” He was uncomfortable with his younger brother seeing him this way. He had a giant incision where the surgery was done. It went all the way from just below the navel up just under his chest. All that for something that was relatively a tiny stab wound. Tears built up in his brother’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, brother, you look terrible,” He said sadly. “I thought you had just been busy all week. I tried to get here as fast as I could.” Lovino nodded. He’d only just found out how close he was to home. It confused him; he still couldn’t remember anything.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, at least you didn’t have to see me with a catheter,” Feliciano shuddered. Lovino smiled bitterly. It was hard to have a positive outlook on anything. His mind couldn’t make sense of what happened, whether it was something he had done to himself or worse - If somebody else had done this to him. “I lost my wallet too.” His brother’s face was of concern, Lovino was more annoyed than anything else.</p><p> </p><p>“When you get out, you should come stay with me.” For once, Lovino didn’t mind that proposition. “We can have Christmas together!”</p><p> </p><p>“Apparently I have to talk to some cops or something. They just want to make sure it isn’t anything more than was it is. I was probably just… I don’t know, I was probably mugged or something. <em>Shit</em>. This is just annoying; I didn’t buy you anything yet.” A visceral feeling of fear in his chest came up. It seemed to come out of nowhere as if he was in some immediate danger. He put it down to the idea that he very well could have died, Dr. Abelsson seemed rather adamant that he was lucky, the same with the cute nurse who he only knew by the name of Laura. Although, Laura seemed like she was a little more compassionate about it which he hated to admit he preferred over the colder demeanor of the doctor.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry, I’m just happy you’re okay. <em>Er</em>, compared to what <em>could’ve </em>happened…” He could understand his brother’s fears. If Feliciano were in this bed, he probably wouldn’t be able to contain his worry as well as Feliciano was. Even if he was leaking tears all over his face, he could see the way the tip of his nose and cheeks were turning red. He had to wipe away the evidence before more tears continued to come out. “I’m sorry that you’re in pain, I-I can’t imagine!”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ugh</em>, it’s… It’s alright,” He lied. “I’ll get by. My head just hurts a little.” Feliciano shook his head, obviously not believing him. Although, his head <em>did </em>hurt. Turns out his skull had been cracked, hence the bandage around his head and the deep purple hue around his eye. He’d never broken any bones before, so a skull fracture was a first for him. He was grateful for all the drugs that had been pumped into him because without them he would feel like he was in an even deeper part of hell.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take care of you, big brother. You don’t have to worry about a thing!” His little brother was too chipper for someone who was clearly still not over the sight in front of him, blotchy face the tell-all truth. “But please, I have to ask how you got so hurt! It must’ve been scary.” Lovino frowned, furrowing his eyebrows as he found himself deep in thought. There was absolutely nothing in the recesses of his memory.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t… I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah… I remember waking up <em>somewhere</em>. Some guy helped me. He was kind of annoying. Kept talking to me when I just wanted to- <em>ugh</em>, never mind.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s no way to speak about someone who <em>saved </em>you, Lovino,” Feliciano said disapprovingly. “You’d be dead without him, you know. I hope he knows he did a brave thing!”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever. I’m here now…” Lovino couldn’t shake the feeling of distress that had built up. The idea that he didn’t know how he got here in the first place kept coming back to eat at his security. He was also short of all his cash and ID. He knew his brother was going to help him when the time came to getting back what he’d lost materially but what he lost in his memory, that was something he couldn’t get back so easily. He didn’t even know if he had the consciousness in the first place to remember anything or if he’d truly just <em>lost </em>it. That was scarier than any of the injuries he had, those could fade away. “How’s the voice sound, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm, you sound <em>cool</em>. You have this uh- <em>hmm</em>, ah! <em>Smoker’s voice</em>.” If Lovino could slap the bastard he would’ve by now but instead, he shot him a glare.</p><p> </p><p>“Little bastard. <em>Fuck you</em>.” He spat. Feliciano laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m kidding! You know I was super scared; I was <em>shaking </em>the whole way here. But now I see you’re doing pretty well, aren’t you? When are you going to get out of here?”</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose so…” He still needed help with everything, getting up to piss was his worst experience so far. <em>Laura</em> had to watch him the whole time to make sure none of his stitches ripped open and had to clean his wounds of gunk. It was utterly humiliating the whole time being in such a weak position in front of such a cute woman. “I don’t know yet, probably after New Year’s at this rate.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good afternoon, Lovino!” Speak of the devil. Laura approached with a smile on her face. “Hello, Lovino’s brother! You’re Feliciano, aren’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if you want to hear your name, you want to hear it from such a <em>beautiful </em>face.” He said with a wink and a smile. The little shit, Lovino <em>really </em>wanted to slap him. Mostly because he hadn’t thought about that himself. Laura even had the <em>audacity </em>to blush.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, <em>um</em>, oh yes,” Laura cleared her throat. “Unfortunately, you may have to leave the room for a few moments while the police ask a few questions.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s fine with me, so long as I have company.” Lovino groaned at the way Feliciano was practically eye-fucking her, she seemed to <em>like </em>it too. What the fuck. He wondered why he ever wanted to call him. Maybe he could blame it on the drugs instead of sentimentality.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop harassing her and let her do her job,” Lovino complained. Somewhat jealous of Feliciano’s success in wooing her compared to his weak <em>kiss me, kiss me’s</em> in his unconscious state. “I’ll talk to the pigs while you’re out there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will do.” Feliciano seemed <em>just fine </em>waiting with a fine piece of art like that walking around the hospital halls. That innocent little smile on his face, he knew what that meant. Lovino was almost jealous that he got to spend some time out there instead of talking to some cops about something even he couldn’t explain.</p><p> </p><p>He sighed. Waiting, his gut aching.</p><p> </p><p>Then, he saw them. Them with their showy badges and suits.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, officers.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Coma 'dreams' are pretty whacky sounding. I struggle to call them dreams because it sounds like you can't even tell you're dreaming, since you can't remember ever being asleep or unconscious. Pretty crazy.</p><p>From now on I'll try to maintain a bit of a schedule for this one of two weeks since chapters a relatively short and I've pre-written a chapter ahead. :)</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Questions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Two of them. Both a contrast of each other, he almost had it in him to see the irony that somehow two polar opposites were working together. While one had pale skin like snow the other looked like he’d spent his days in the sun every day with that golden tan. Pale fit the first guy well actually, his hair was probably the lightest shade of blonde he’d seen before, <em>shit</em>. He should stop staring. He just realized the guy probably just had a condition or something. <em>Albinism</em>. That’s it. <em>Ugh</em>, he decided to look at the other guy who really didn’t look as professional at all. In fact, he looked quite messy the way his hair wasn’t even brushed. At least, it didn’t look like it was. Not that he necessarily cared.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, officers.” Lovino said, trying to act like he wasn’t just staring.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ah</em>, you’re actually awake this time,” The albino one spoke first. His voice sounded naturally irritating, like nails on a chalkboard the way it cut through the room. “I’m detective Beilschmidt, this is my partner.” The warm one reached out his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Fernández-Carriedo. <em>Uh</em>, detective.” Lovino took his hand giving it a half-hearted shake, seeing a clear difference in how they held themselves. Beischmidt seemed to hold himself quite highly while this Fernández-Carriedo character seemed… Well, like an idiot. Just what he needed right now.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve been told a couple of things from the staff here about your unusual condition as well as the only witness we have.”</p><p> </p><p>“Witness?” Beilschmidt smirked, taking a chair. His partner stood with his hands in his pockets, a smile on his face. Happy guy for someone with such a depressing job.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, pretty close to home. Maybe too close to home. The guy who picked you up was my younger brother you see. Do you remember him? Kind of hard to miss, big guy. Bigger than me at least.” Lovino groaned.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know him.” His lack of enthusiasm was hard to miss but he could tell that Beilschmidt didn’t want to start anything. His eyebrow twitched though.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, I’m going to lay it out. Your survival is pretty miraculous,” He started. “You see, there’s been a case open for a few years now. Three to be exact. And we think you might be involved.” Lovino sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“My wallet went missing <em>miraculously</em>,” He said sarcastically. “I think I know what happened. And I think you’d know what a missing wallet and a stab wound means, <em>detective</em>. I’m fine.” They looked at each other, Fernández-Carriedo giving a shrug before Beilschmidt sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Where you were found, it’s in the same area where a few… Bodies were found. Deceased ones of course. But <em>you </em>were alive. Those injuries, they took time. You were strangled which just so happens to be the way the others were murdered.” Lovino scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I was mugged</em>. I’m fine.” He tried to ignore the discomfort in his chest. Of course, he wasn’t <em>fine</em>. His mind was purposely trying to erase the idea that he had been in such a vulnerable position. It was unsuccessful, to say the least. As the picked up pace in his heart was forcing him to think about that happening to him he couldn't stop trying to remember what had happened, even if he didn't want to. Not just a joke, <em>really happening</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe we can just start with what you <em>do </em>know? Yes?” The dumber cop spoke. That soft face, green eyes. He looked kinder. Less of a dick. Spoke kinder too.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know anything,” He could see the disbelief on their faces. “I’m not lying, you know. I can’t remember anything past… Well, past… Maybe eight o’clock?” He saw Fernández-Carriedo’s lips twitch ever so slightly, his shoulders slumping. He seemed a lot more comfortable now, sitting down as well beside his partner. Maybe because he knew he was a lost cause. He was probably the worst person to ask any questions to.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing past eight o’clock? What date was it?” Beilschimidt asked. He had to furrow his eyebrows at the question.</p><p> </p><p>“Seventeenth.” Lovino looked between the two.</p><p> </p><p>“You do remember the <em>entire </em>date, yes?” The dumbass asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Seventeenth of December, in the year nineteen-<em>fucking</em>-eighty-five. You want to know what day of the week it was as well or can your squirrel brain not remember that far back?” He snapped back.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Alright</em>, you don’t need to attitude, the man was just being thorough,” Lovino glared at Beilschmidt. “So you can remember all that. Do you remember <em>anything</em> strange that could’ve happened before you woke up?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>No</em>. Look, you’re lucky I’m not paralyzed or-or have to shit in a <em>bag</em> for the rest of my damn life. I think my memory is the least of my worries here. I’ll be happier without them by the looks of it.” Now that was the truest statement he could’ve made. He didn’t really want to remember. Just being alive with physical scars was enough for him. Knowing how he got them wouldn’t do any good, some people wished they could forget traumatic events like this, and here he was with all that already wiped from his mind. Lucky indeed.</p><p> </p><p>“We understand your frustration. Look,” Beilschmidt leaned forward. “We’ve been real happy that someone has gotten out of this if we’re right about you. You might’ve just survived a real sicko. You should be proud of yourself for that.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Tch</em>, I can’t even remember any of it to be proud. I was probably too drunk to remember.”</p><p> </p><p>“Drunk?” Beilschmidt prompted causing Lovino to shrug.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I went to a club after work.” Fernández-Carriedo seemed to be anxious at this revelation.</p><p> </p><p>“May we ask <em>what </em>club?” Lovino seized up. <em>Shit</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t remember,” He lied. He was a pretty bad liar. Even his idiot brother could tell whenever he lied. “Look, I don’t <em>have </em>to tell you if I don’t want to, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, no. You don’t. <em>But</em> we’d like to know. People are in danger here, if you survived, think of how many people might not. Anything helps. Even if it isn’t useful now it could be later when we collect more evidence.” He hadn’t thought about it that way. If what they were implying was right, he might really be a lucky one.</p><p> </p><p>“I was at the…” Lovino sat up, shifting from discomfort. “TBD.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>TBD</em>?” Beilschmidt asked. Fernández-Carriedo leaned in to whisper something in his partner’s ear. “<em>The Backdoor</em>? Never heard of it.” Fernández-Carriedo leaned in to whisper again. Beilschmidt cackled before holding back his hilarity. He knew he was blushing by now, Lovino didn’t disclose that part of his life.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, it’s just got good drinks. I’m not-“</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I don’t need to know your business, man. Thanks anyway, we’ll make sure to keep it on our radar,” The quiet snickering wasn’t helping his case. What an embarrassment. “Do you have anything else? Anything at all?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh…” He thought for a moment. “I had this cross, my grandfather gave it to me. But I lost it somehow, I’m thinking it could still be down there, around where I was when I woke up.”</p><p>                                                                                                                                                                  </p><p>“What did it look like?” Fernández-Carriedo asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Gold, don’t know if it was <em>really </em>gold but… It has an engraving on the back with my grandfather’s name on it. <em>Romulus</em>,” He didn’t want to admit that he missed it. It was probably the only piece of his grandfather that was <em>his </em>and his alone. “It’s not much of a problem if you can’t find it. Probably nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, we’ll keep an eye out,” Beilschimidt assured him. Lovino hoped that their eyes were good, he wanted that damn necklace back or his grandfather would be rolling in his grave. “Can you tell me what you felt like when you woke up?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like shit. I don’t know. I just felt drunk… I wouldn’t know though – I <em>was </em>stabbed if you remember, that was all I was fucking worried about at the time so I'm sorry I wasn't taking inventory on my symptoms.” He gestured to his body. The reason he was still in this hospital bed. Both officers nodded.</p><p>                                                                                                                                                                            </p><p>“Sure, I understand. How many drinks did you have before?” <em>This guy</em>, Beilschimidt wasn’t giving him a break at all.</p><p> </p><p>“How many drinks do <em>you </em>count when you go out? I don’t remember, could be anything from a cocktail to five,” He saw the look of judgment come from the officer’s eyes. “I’m a lightweight, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s good. This is <em>really </em>good. If you can think of anything else make sure you tell us, I won’t try to pry at what you can’t remember. We get you’re probably not feeling great,” <em>Of course</em>. His mind was too fuzzy to get anything else out of him. “We won’t bother you anymore, although we would really like to.” Lovino rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure. I guess I’ll… I’ll give you a call if there’s anything else.” The instant dejection he could see on Beilschmidt's face wasn't doing him any favors easing his ignorance of the situation. All that it told them was that he hadn't really done much to help. <em>Something </em>was better than nothing though, wasn't it?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“My bet is a drugging – It fits the narrative.” Gilbert was quick to conclude. He could see the hesitation on his partner’s face, the slight furrowing of Antonio’s eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>“We can’t know for sure. He wasn’t tested and it’s too late now anyway. He really could’ve really just been drunk.”</p><p> </p><p>“He can’t remember anything after drinking. It’s like it’s just – Blocked.” Gilbert put his hands out in a barricade, fingers stretched out.</p><p> </p><p>“How much do <em>you </em>remember the night after a crawl?” <em>Shit</em>, he had a point. But at the same time, it was hard for him to imagine being so drunk he couldn’t remember being impaled.</p><p> </p><p>“He had too much trauma on him to just <em>forget</em>, right? It had to of taken a while to do all that. Stabbing somebody is easy – Quick even. But strangling? That takes longer and I doubt all those bruises were <em>just </em>from a nasty fall. The doctor who worked on him even said they were suspicious, intentional.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess… Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this over coffee.” Antonio looked around the café. Midday and talking about strangling, it wasn’t something Gilbert found to be great small talk. But then again, Gilbert just didn't do small talk.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just <em>weird</em>. It seems so familiar but different somehow. The more I look at it the more I notice the similarities only to find something that doesn’t fit in right. I mean – <em>Stabbing</em> is a step up and he doesn’t fit the other victims and I hadn't even considered anything that could cause memory loss...” Antonio sipped his coffee, contributing nothing more. Maybe he was done with such a dark subject, strange how someone so chipper joined this kind of work. Gilbert sighed. “<em>Nothing</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm? What do you want me to say?” Antonio asked confused.</p><p> </p><p>“Doesn’t he just look different? Act differently compared to all the <em>nice </em>things you hear about the other ones? The guy’s a bit of a prick.”</p><p> </p><p>“Change of scenery?” Antonio cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t think you should call him a <em>bit of a prick</em>; he was a victim in a horrible crime. I’d be a bit of a prick too if I was being questioned after that,” <em>True</em>, but he was just snappy and cursed like a sailor. To Gilbert, that constitutes being a bit of a prick. The lines on his face despite being so young made him believe it wasn’t just the hospital bed turning him into a grouchy bastard, the frown seemed to be permanently etched into his features. "Families and friends of victims always say the same things about them, I bet if Lovino died he'd have people singing praises about how kind and holy he was." <em>True</em>. They couldn't really know what they were like, the relied on the biased words of others.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe he’s changing things or… Not the same guy.” The defeat evident in his voice as he ignored part of what Antonio had said.</p><p> </p><p>“Or a woman.” Antonio pointed out.</p><p> </p><p>“Vargas was at one of <em>those </em>joints, somehow I doubt he was interacting with a woman at somewhere called <em>The Backdoor</em>.” A shrug.</p><p> </p><p>“You never know. Could swing for both teams.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re making this real hard, you know that?” Gilbert groaned, putting his hands to his face in frustration.</p><p> </p><p>“How?”</p><p> </p><p>“You keep adding in all these <em>variables</em> – Too many questions I can’t answer right now.” He was just so tired of thinking of <em>every </em>single possibility. It was hard to chase leads that didn't even exist yet, it was a waiting game for him except in this game people died. Every time someone died it was chance to solve the other cases too but more often than not it had just meant more pain and heartbreak without much that could help. He'd thought Vargas would've been the break they needed but he was useless if he couldn't even give them an idea of what happened, he knew as much as they did at this point. </p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t that the point of all this? You shouldn’t be too close-minded to all the options if we haven’t even got a <em>type</em> anymore,” Antonio frowned. “I thought you were supposed to be the best detective for this.” The seriousness in what he’d said made Gilbert defensive. He bet that Antonio didn’t even know how hard that hit his ego.</p><p> </p><p>“We still have a type. The guy – Or <em>woman</em>,” He said reluctantly. He was still doubting the woman notion. “Likes to pick on the easy targets, the ones that probably wouldn’t like to admit their regular place of entertainment. They’re all men around the same age, early to mid-twenties. Most have been blonde-“</p><p> </p><p>“But not all. Maybe it’s a coincidence.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Goddamn it, </em>I know that is just as <em>possible</em>. But there’s like four blondes and two brunets now. That’s still a two to one ratio, I think they’re just getting anything they can find at this point,” The thought was terrifying. It was getting harder to pinpoint now. “They’re probably a homosexual too.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Or </em>they’re the opposite. Maybe they want to kill the types that go to those kinds of places out of anger or something.” The way he said it was so nonchalant like he wasn’t making Gilbert want to rip his hair out. The suggestions weren’t doing much to help his sanity.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” That was possible too. “Well, I don’t know! Nobody knows. We haven’t got a motive…” Gilbert lifted his hands up in defeat. “I just need a good night of rest and I can actually <em>think </em>straight. Ludwig woke me up in the middle of the night when he took that kid to the hospital, called me before they even got a hold on the station.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pretty scary, isn’t it?” Gilbert paid attention to Antonio’s words. “That your brother is involved now – That would be scary right?”</p><p> </p><p>“As a witness… But he was still pretty shaken by it.” He could remember the fear in his voice, repeating that he thought he was going to die and that he’d just <em>watched </em>someone die in front of him. “Good thing that Vargas seems to be made out of steel or he’d probably still be in shock over it.”</p><p> </p><p>“How did he live anyway?” The genuine perplexity that Antonio displayed was shared by Gilbert. He leaned over to ask; hands planted on his half-finished coffee. Sometimes he looked like a child when he did things like that but then again, he just so happened to have childlike qualities that made him a likable guy.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, the religious mind would say God’s mercy – He <em>did </em>say a prayer in Lud’s car. The optimist would say he was having a lucky day. The pessimist would probably say he was having a really bad day in general and just <em>made </em>himself live by hauling his ass out of there, no bells and whistles… I’d just say the guy wasn’t thorough this time, didn’t make sure it was done and Vargas just so happened to be insistent on living along with that mistake. Might be a good thing for us for him to get sloppy.” Antonio grunted before sipping his coffee. “What? You don’t think so?”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess not.” Antonio didn’t elaborate. He supposed it was only right to drop the conversation. It was morbid and he couldn’t stop thinking about the crime scenes. Not all of them were gruesome, some even looked like they were just sleeping. Others were decayed, rotted, and contorted with ugly dark bruises. Sometimes to his eyes, it was hard to tell whether the blood had just settled that way or whether their deaths had not been kind ones. It was always a punch to the gut when it was the latter.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I need a break on this, just for half a day.” Gilbert sighed. “It’s been three years of just doing the same thing and coming up with nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>“To be fair, six in three years is… Careful, to say the least. I don’t think they’re going to be very happy when they find out that one of them lived. Might have to make up for it sometime.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s always around similar times of the year like it’s some kind of New Year’s resolution to go out and kill some poor bastard,” Gilbert shook his head. “I promised not to think about it anymore.” Antonio smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“But you will. I know I will, even if it’s disturbing. That’s what keeps you moving forward.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess so… I just want to help but three years and no answers, it's getting old for me. Can’t even think about the families. I mean, I’m not approving of whatever lifestyle they had but do you remember Laurinaitis?” Antonio shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t say I do, which one was that?” He made the mental note to tell Antonio he was going to have to do more homework if he could somehow forget such a miserable sight.</p><p> </p><p>“That Feliks Lukasiewicz guy’s <em>flame</em> or whatever kind of mess was going on there. When I left questioning, it made me think I was leaving someone to just go and kill themselves in the parking lot,” He shuddered. “Just sad.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t think about it – You promised, didn’t you?” He sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“I did,” His coffee had gone cold and Antonio seemed to just be waiting to leave. “I guess we should get back to it then. Might try to go home early tonight.” That seemed to be the plan, Antonio nodding. They both knew that wasn’t going to be how it would end up happening though.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. (Un)lucky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm having a good time with this fic, thank you for reading it! I think my favourite genre to write is crime/mystery - I like the setup I've got going on here since I'm a bit of a foreshadowing whore. Let me know what you think in the comments, it's always interesting to see.</p><p>The next chapter introduces something important but it kills me not being able to say what it is without probably ruining the fun of it, I guess you'll just have to see. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Damn, how did he get up here?” Gilbert remarked staring at the imposing ditch. The elevation was steep and to get down themselves they had to be careful not to slip. Antonio shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess the will to live.” It hadn’t been too long after they questioned Lovino and staff, but since his escape, it was seven days. Gilbert insisted they visit the crime scene again just to get a better idea of what happened by Lovino’s account – No matter how sparse it seemed to be. They were lucky it hadn’t rained in the past seven days but that was always fortunate, even with a tarp up it was always a risk. The area was still closed off with a few officers taking shifts to preserve the scene. In fact, Francis was perched here today along with Arthur. That was either a good thing or a bad thing depending on how their moods were. They had a tendency to encounter disagreements.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Bonjour,</em> friends at last!” The Frenchman called; Francis’ blond hair tied into a neat ponytail. “Decided to pay me a visit?” Gilbert shrugged as he approached.</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose so – Anything give you any trouble out here?” Francis frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it’s chilly. And I don’t know how much longer I could listen to these frogs.” Arthur cackled at this.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean? You’re with your own kind out here, <em>frog</em>.” Francis rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, I understand the insult. When will you evolve from schoolyard tactics?” Gilbert was regretting his question. Not many liked Arthur at the station but he seemed to like it that way. Often Antonio openly discussed his disdain for the Englishman worse than Francis did – Gilbert personally didn’t mind him. Sure, he could be annoying sometimes but he knew how to do his job and he did it diligently. Sometimes he couldn’t even say the same for Francis – And they were <em>friends</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>So</em>, the frogs,” Gilbert noted. Even now he could hear them croaking their hearts out. “We’re just going to look around a bit if that’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Be my guest,” Arthur waved his hand, clearly annoyed by his situation. “It’ll be more interesting than sitting with this piece of work.” Very maturely, Francis stuck his tongue out and regressed to a cheeky smile. It was all the confirmation he needed as he stepped under the police tape. The one thing he wanted to look at was the blood. Originally, the idea was that Lovino was stabbed at another location before being dumped – Ludwig had only mentioned the blood. After all, it was all he would’ve been thinking at the time, seeing the car afterward he could see just how much Lovino had lost and just why Ludwig was so distressed. It soaked the passenger side, some got on the steering wheel from Ludwig’s hands, it was on the windows, the dash, the exterior – <em>Everywhere</em>. The stench of old blood was particularly offensive so there was no real saving it.</p><p> </p><p>But now looking at the scene in front of him, it was clear that the original theory was in the scrap.</p><p> </p><p>“Vargas was probably uninjured when he came here,” Gilbert pointed to the blood-soaked dirt. “Since the only trail would’ve been from himself…” His eyes went up the ditch, closer to where the edge of the road would be. “He was alive when he came down here and was supposed to die down here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why would he just come down here willingly?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not saying <em>willingly</em>, maybe, coerced?” Gilbert scratched his head. “I don’t know that yet. But it could mean anything, maybe they knew each other?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe. But then what would tie him to the rest? Nobody had said they’ve had enemies or anything. Nobody has even pointed out anybody who could be capable of murder.”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t mean they didn’t have <em>anybody </em>in their lives that could’ve done this. Vargas seemed real cagey about things – Maybe the rest didn’t want to talk much about their… Habits.” He suspected that they probably weren’t all so innocent, they <em>could’ve </em>had a wild life behind the scenes.</p><p> </p><p>“What? You think they were all going to the same clubs? Two of them were in long-term relationships, quite serious ones as well.”</p><p> </p><p>“Infidelity and clubs aren’t necessarily intertwined.” Sure, he’d stopped with most of his outings but he still went to bars, even in a relationship.</p><p> </p><p>“But they’re not exactly untangled either.” Gilbert shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Vargas said he went for the cocktails,” Even he found it ridiculous but it didn’t mean it wasn’t true for the others. “It’s not too strange to make <em>friends</em> at those places and I do mean that literally. It’s a relatively small community after all…” He wasn’t quite sure what that scene was like. His first instinct was to assume all that those places bred were hookups but it wasn’t too far out of the imagination to just <em>hangout</em>. He had to remember to be open, there wasn’t much he could be conclusive about yet. “Maybe once he’s settled in more, we can question him again. I’m sure he’d be more comfortable when he’s not in a hospital bed, the doctor said his memory-loss <em>should </em>be temporary.”</p><p> </p><p>“If it isn’t?” Antonio asked with an expectant look on his face. Gilbert frowned. It didn’t seem like much of an option.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, we’re going to have to visit that-that <em>TBD </em>place for now. One step at a time,” It was a rather grim prospect that maybe Lovino really wouldn’t be able to remember much else that what he’d given them. He turned to Francis and Arthur from across the tape. “One question.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is it?” Francis perked up at the attention. Gilbert had done shifts like these before, once he’d spent two days just guarding a scene where a body was found in a trunk and that case was almost as close as it could get to open and shut given the suspect was cuffed just a day after.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you seen a cross anywhere? A gold one that has a name on the back, <em>Romulus,</em> I think. Vargas asked if we could find it here.” Although he wasn’t hopeful that it was actually here, he’d only traveled a short distance at the scene in a straight line so it was almost certain they should’ve seen it around by now.</p><p> </p><p>“A cross?” He turned to Arthur who seemed just as perplexed, a thick untamed eyebrow raised. “No, I don’t believe we have.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you’ve done some snooping around here yourselves?” They nodded. Of course, even if they weren’t technically supposed to, it was the inevitability of boredom. “Okay… Thanks. Tell me if you find anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will do, <em>mon ami</em>.” He nodded, ready to leave for now. This place had been searched from under every pebble and there wasn’t much left that they could work on. Things were looking awfully cold right now but there was some life left in the case so long as they had Lovino, the next best hope was that somebody had seen what went down that night when Lovino was at the club. They stepped back under the tape, ready to leave.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be seeing you!” Antonio grinned at Francis before dropping it when he saw Arthur. “And you too, I guess.” Arthur crossed his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“No need for the pleasantries, Antonio. Run along,” He prompted with a dismissive wave of the hand. “I’m already suffering as is.” The look on Francis’ face told Gilbert that he knew what he was doing when it came to making Arthur’s life a living hell. He could predict Arthur complaining to their superiors, asking them to never put Francis and himself on the same shift together again.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye, man,” Gilbert smirked. “Always sunny when Arthur’s around.” He joked, making the bed for Francis’ teasing.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Oui</em>, it really is,’ He turned to Arthur with false innocence. The silent treatment seemed to kick in with Arthur as he crossed his arms and looked elsewhere. “I’ll be seeing you two later.” He promised.</p><p> </p><p>“Time to haul our asses up this damn ditch.” Gilbert complained to Antonio once they were further away.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, at least we have useful legs. If Lovino could do then so can we!” He encouraged.</p><p> </p><p>“If Lovino could do it…” Gilbert muttered, prepared to get his hands dirty when he inevitably stumbled up the slippery gravel and dirt. A newfound appreciation and respect for this guy’s stubbornness to survive.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was now that he realized he hadn’t come over to Feliciano’s in a while, his roommate was a quiet one and overly polite to him when he arrived. Offered to take his bags for him and asked him if he needed anything to drink or eat. Kiku was completely different from his overly extroverted, annoying little brother but just as extreme in the opposite sense with his reserved demeanor. They had met before but rarely ever spoke. In fact, he couldn’t remember a thing about Kiku which his brother would certainly be offended about. Politely, Kiku had asked him to put his shoes by the door before coming in, Feliciano seemed naturalized to this already albeit messier by kicking his shoes off without a care.</p><p> </p><p>Feliciano turned to Lovino with a grin, “We set up a space for you so you don’t have to worry about a thing!” He could notice the Christmas tree was still up as they seemed to notice him looking around as well.</p><p> </p><p>“We left it up so tomorrow we can celebrate,” Kiku explained. “It would be regrettable for you to miss it.”</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t matter. It would’ve been okay.” Lovino appreciated the sentiment. “I won’t be much fun tomorrow.” He said feeling the ache in his abdomen, still having to take horse-sized painkillers just so it remained a dull ache.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s fine, we could have Christmas the day after.” Feliciano held out a hand for him to put his brother’s jacket – His own clothes only just being picked up this morning and packed away in bags. The jacket was lent to him the moment he was put in the passenger seat of Feliciano’s car, worrying he would be too cold. Lovino took it off as soon as he saw the outstretched hand, it was a garish thing, deep sky blue with navy trims. He thought it looked better on the younger than himself, while still fashionable he was happy to give Feliciano the title of <em>adventurous</em>. As soon as he took it off though, he realized how much warmer it was with the windbreaker on.</p><p> </p><p>“Or not at all. I didn’t get anybody anything.” He was still finding a way to blame himself for that. Even if he had his wallet stolen, he should’ve prepared for Christmas better.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you know? Christmas is about being around people you love – Not about material things.” Kiku nodded in agreement. But he was always agreeable. He stared at the two.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” He deadpanned, moving past them. He had to sit or lie down somewhere. “Am I in the room next to yours?” He asked his brother.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure are! Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“I need a nap, I’m tired,” Feliciano pouted looking like a petulant child. “Oh, come on, I just got out of the hospital. You’ll see plenty of me. See all my cut-up body leaking and shit,” He frowned. “Maybe we can play, ‘<em>Where the fuck is Lovino’s bellybutton’</em> for the festivities.” He deadpanned.</p><p> </p><p>“You are truly a ray of sunshine, brother,” Feliciano put a hand on his back. “The scars will heal, I’m sure you’ll be able to see your beloved bellybutton again soon.” Lovino doubted that the way they mutilated him.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever.” He didn’t want to dwell on his appearance. He had learned how to avoid looking at it, every time he saw himself, he couldn’t believe it was actually him. But the worst of it was over, this pain he had now was nothing compared to the pain he felt when he woke up after the surgery and he was only lucky the adrenaline that kicked in that first time he woke up distracted him from the feeling of bleeding out.</p><p> </p><p>“Kiku has offered to help you out if you need it too so if I’m not around you can ask him.” Speaking of, he was already following close behind with his bags.  </p><p> </p><p>“I might need some explanation on how to carry out the right aftercare.” Kiku flashed him was could only be described as a smile by his standards, by normal people’s standards it was a twitch.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not much, I can do most of it.” Lovino groaned, he’d had enough with the humiliation but it was an awkward stage of healing where the hospital was unnecessary but he still needed <em>someone </em>around to make sure his guts just didn’t fall out. Laura seemed to be very dramatic about that – Sound effects and gestures to display all the horrible things that can and will go wrong if he didn’t care for his injuries well enough.</p><p> </p><p>“Aw, it’s okay to ask for help.” Feliciano seemed too excited about this. He’d always been the one who was in touch with all that compassion and empathy – Lovino probably wouldn’t know what to do with his brother if he were to be in Lovino’s position, probably just feed him and leave him like a beached whale.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t <em>need </em>it. I’ve gotten by just fine so far,” Feliciano opened the door to his new bedroom for the next few weeks. “It’s clean in here, what did you do?” Lovino asked walking in, he was used to his clutter and dust, seeing such a well-kempt room was odd to him. He made sure to make the mental note to <em>personalize </em>it a little.</p><p> </p><p>“Cleaned it?” Feliciano shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt to make the bed every once and a while you know,” He joked. “Kiku did a better job of it after me, he’s really thorough!”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing,” Kiku dropped his bags on the edge of the bed. “It’s probably better for your room to be as sterile as possible to avoid infections.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, I guess.” The first thing he did was get into bed, ruining all that hospital-style bed-making that had been done.</p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t even going to take off your clothes?” Feliciano asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Not in front of you two I’m not. Unlike you, I don’t like to show off my dick and ass to acquaintances.” The flush on Kiku’s face juxtaposed Feliciano’s distinct lack of shame as he just accepted that part of him as a personality trait. A prude living with his brother seemed like a recipe for disaster.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh well, we used to take baths together, nothing I haven’t seen before!” A gasp came from Kiku who was quick to suppress his shock. Embarrassed, he felt the need to explain.</p><p> </p><p>“We were kids! You think two grown men, who also happen to be brothers, in a bath together is a natural sight?” Lovino laid his head back on the mountain of pillows he had created. Feliciano shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not weird unless you make it weird, right?” He looked to Kiku who seemed to relax a little more with the added information.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>A-Ah</em>, only at bathhouses. I’d rather not imagine you two try to fit in the bathroom’s tub.” Yes, the image was unpleasant at best.</p><p> </p><p>“Fair.” Feliciano seemed oblivious to the obvious state of shame that Kiku had found himself in, starting to open Lovino’s bags.</p><p> </p><p>“The hell are you doing?” Lovino sat up, ignoring the pain in his stomach that shot down his legs.</p><p> </p><p>“Putting your things away for you, silly.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can do that myself, I’m not a cripple. Besides, there’s private stuff in there.” He knew his brother didn’t care about seeing his underwear or anything so it was a weak defense. It was just unnecessary.</p><p> </p><p>“What? You have <em>Playboy</em> magazines in here or something?” He asked with faux innocence.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>No</em>, just piss off why don’t you? Leave me to sleep.” This is why he disliked staying with his brother – The way he annoyed him was paramount to none other. Even though he knew he could be tough on the younger at least he knew how to respect boundaries, Feliciano probably didn’t know what <em>boundaries </em>meant.</p><p> </p><p>“And while you sleep your things can be put away all nice so you don’t have to think about it.” The pout on his brother’s face attempting to make him feel bad. Luckily Kiku was there, saving him the trouble.</p><p> </p><p>“I think maybe it’s best to let him rest.” He suggested, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder to gain his attention.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh alright, but you better call for one of us if you need anything,” Feliciano warned. The only thing Lovino could do was roll his eyes. He wasn’t used to being treated like a piece of china, he wasn’t going to just die suddenly, that kind of risk had largely passed. “And if you need to call someone else, you have the telephone right by you so your friends don’t miss you!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, because I have so many <em>friends</em>. How high is your telephone bill because of him?” He asked Kiku. For once, Feliciano looked the slightest bit ashamed. The dead expression on Kiku’s face told him all he needed to know as he was practically emitting the idea that he frequently encountered problems with Feliciano’s excessive phone use. When they were teenagers, Feliciano hogged the telephone almost every night talking to whatever <em>friend </em>he’d made that week. Every phone call was the most important thing in the world when he was using it but when someone else was using it, well, how important could it be?</p><p> </p><p>“He doesn’t need to answer that,” He laughed sheepishly. “You just rest.” Lovino smirked, <em>good</em>. He preferred to be left alone.</p><p> </p><p>He watched as they left like a hawk, Feliciano leaving the door wide open before Kiku backtracked to close it, he gave the much more considerate roommate his silent thanks. Everything became much more comfortable alone. The stress of the past few days hadn’t really had the chance to calm down. He was never truly left alone before, having Laura around, Dr.Abelsson, or his brother in his company. He lifted up the blankets and pulled up his shirt to have a look at his scars. They were still quite red but at least they weren’t entirely at risk of opening, he was still barred from doing any heavy lifting just in case. <em>Gross</em>, was all he could think. It wasn’t like he had any particular sense of vanity before but this sure didn’t do him any good. Sleep was the best medicine though and he needed it to make the pain go away for a few moments.</p><p> </p><p>He pulled the blanket back over himself and laying on his back he tried to go to sleep. He was the type to spread out in every direction when he slept, sleeping on his back was one of the worst parts of the experience other than pretty much everything else. But he managed. Slowly, he got there.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Beeping</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>CW: Violence</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p><em>Heavy </em>breathing. A pain he felt stinging his side made him think he’d been hurt in some way. <em>Crickets</em>? No, frogs. He didn’t know for sure. It was too dark to see anything. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of him and his head felt like it was being squeezed – The pain surging every second beat.</p><p> </p><p>“Where am I?” He asked weakly. His words were slurring together. He could hear the sounds of footsteps and a deep sigh. “Who the <em>fuck </em>are you?” <em>Help me</em>, he thought. The adrenaline – The <em>fear</em>. It was all kicking, sitting up, and trying to stand was met with a firm kick to the back of his knee. Turning around on his back he realized this person wasn’t here to help him, they had done this to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Back off!” <em>Christ</em>, he was wasted. But he knew what danger looked like all the same. This was it. Right here. From the darkness, he could barely see the outline of a figure, they seemed so tall from the angle he was. Nonetheless, if he were to stand beside them, he could tell they would still be taller. Everything just seemed to be black, it probably didn’t matter what they were wearing because it was simply too dark to tell.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Shh</em>.” It was concise and harsh the way they had tried to quiet him down seemed so child-like. So, he didn’t stop, with all he could muster, he screamed, shouted, and tried to escape the presence of this looming figure with what little strength he already had.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Che cazzo</em>?!” He felt a pressure on his chest, the figure stepping on him to keep him still. His head hurt terribly – It was all a blur to him. But the beating in his chest kept him going, his hands reaching up to take the weight off to no avail. It was useless, <em>he </em>was useless. The foot lifted but only to stomp right down. His breath caught in his throat as a pained groan came out. The tears were uncontrollable.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Please</em>.” He wasn’t one to beg. He didn’t even ask his brother for help – He never <em>needed </em>help. But right now, when he needed it, it wasn’t even an option. The irony was not lost on him. If he had asked him to give him all he could – He’d take it. He just couldn’t bear the thought of being in pain, <em>dying</em> even. Alone was a scarier thought, he liked to be left alone usually but now it was the worst part of being wherever he was now.</p><p> </p><p>The pressure was replaced by a new one, still pinned down, he reached out to push them off. They were sitting on him and soon, he felt pressure on his neck. The anaconda like constriction around his neck was making him gasp for any air, his eyes wide. He felt the need to cough but all he could do was sputter and choke out terrible sounds. Sounds he didn’t even think were human. Somewhere stuck between a dying animal and a whimper. It was hard to imagine what he looked like but it was taking so long. It was painful the way his lungs seemed to be failing him – His chest tight. Instinctively, he thrashed harder but he knew it didn’t do anything it was just his body telling him that this was it and it was trying to survive much harder than he could consciously think to do.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes began to roll back ever so slightly – He shut them tight to try and make things just a little easier. It didn’t do much. He was still in agony.</p><p> </p><p>Then, a beeping interrupted – Cutting through all of Lovino’s senses and releasing the grip on his neck. He could vaguely hear a harsh sound of someone’s frustration, although, he couldn’t make out the word they cursed through his hacking and gasping. The constriction in his chest had ended but the worries of what would happen next had only just begun.</p><p> </p><p>He dug his fingers into the dirt, just to try and push himself away. A firm grip on his hair forced a strangled scream to rip through his raw throat. Something hit him once in the head to cause a surge of pain knocking stars in his eyes. The shock stopping him from screaming just so he could get a hold of his consciousness. A heavy breath from the other prepared him for the next before…</p><p> </p><p>A gasp before silence. The last thing he felt was the unimaginable pain that was coursing through him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Lovino shot up in a sweat, hot and cold at the same time. The nightmare was over, it wasn’t real. But the way it had ended was just as abrupt as him waking up. His abdomen was flaring up in pain and a dryness in his throat was begging him for water.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus <em>fucking </em>Christ,” He swore. Whatever it was, it felt real. Even if it was just some terrible dream. All the feelings seemed so familiar. It took so long but ended so quickly. “<em>Fuck</em>.” He swung himself to sit on the edge of the bed. He questioned whether he should tell his brother about it but he refused to go back to sleep after that. Healing be damned.</p><p> </p><p>He looked at his bags and decided to unpack, put everything away all nice as his brother said. Anything to keep his mind off of what just happened. He’d never had such a vivid dream before – Something that had made his heart race for so long. Even now, the thumping in his chest was causing this unwavering anxiety he couldn’t seem to shake away.</p><p> </p><p>When he thought about it, he wondered if it truly was real. It made sense, the bruising on his neck was dark when he saw himself in the mirror, now they were a disgusting yellow. The amount of pressure he could still feel pushing down on his neck made him feel like the intention was to break it entirely. Surely that was enough to damage his trachea. His hand shot up to his neck, was this just him filling in the blanks? If so, he hoped it would stop. This was one of those times he did need someone just so he could feel grounded in reality.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, hey. You hungry?” Feliciano smiled, holding up a plate. “You smelt dinner, huh?” It was hard for him to relax after that dream, even when he’d just walked into such a domestic scene. Kiku was watching the news from the dining table beside the couch while Feliciano was getting ready to plate up dinner.</p><p> </p><p>“I- No. I don’t think I am,” He wondered if he could tell him now. After dinner would probably be better, Feliciano was snappy when he hadn’t eaten in a while. “Actually, wait. No, I’d like some.” He said absentmindedly walking into the kitchen. Even Kiku was staring at him.</p><p> </p><p>“That stuff they have you on is strong, isn’t it?” Feliciano snickered. Lovino rubbed his face, the hyperactivity in his mind was making it hard for him to think straight. The sounds, the pain, the goddamn <em>croaks</em>, it was impossible not to think about now.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure,” He looked at the plates, taking one. “Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“No problem!” Feliciano swooped up the other two, slipping past Lovino to bring Kiku his dinner. “You coming or going, neither?” He joked as he sat down. Lovino had to snap back to reality and followed. The news was always terrible, everything <em>was </em>terrible but that didn’t mean he had to hear about it.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you watching this crap?” Lovino asked, sitting down. The apartment was small, the table fitting in well with the size of the place.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m waiting for the weather report,” Kiku frowned. “I take the bus to work.” He explained. Feliciano pouted.</p><p> </p><p>“I offer to drive him but he says he prefers public transport for some reason, I thought he cared about germs!” Lovino shook his head. He’d been in the car with him plenty of times, Kiku seemed like he wouldn’t be able to handle such an exciting ride. Even Lovino admitted he’s broken the law more than once on the road but whatever he did, Feliciano was worse.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever, that’s his business.” Kiku nodded in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“I just worry, I mean, what if what happened to you were to happen to Kiku? I’d be so sad!” Feliciano cried. A shiver ran up Lovino’s spine.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t say that.” He snapped, acid on his tongue. His brother shot him a look.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s true. It’s dangerous to walk around alone, you know.” Feliciano stuffed his face with pasta.</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t even walking around alone I wasn’t – <em>Ugh</em>, it wasn’t <em>my fault</em>.” The defensiveness in his tone seemed to come out of nowhere. The confusion seemed to set in with Feliciano who stopped eating to pay more attention to him. He wished he didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“I never <em>said </em>that. Why would I say that?” He asked with a hurt voice. “You’re okay now but I’m just worried about other people too.” Lovino’s frown deepened as he just focused on finishing his food. Even if he felt sick. That dream was nagging him too much. Now he was being a bastard to his brother over some stupid words. It was oddly silent before he heard a gasp beside him.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s Ludwig!” Feliciano exclaimed excitedly, the sound of cutlery hitting the edge of the plate drew Lovino’s attention.</p><p> </p><p>“Who?” He finally looked at the screen. His blood ran cold – He couldn’t catch a break from this. “That’s…” He didn’t finish his sentence yet. Kiku turned up the volume to listen to the television better but Lovino couldn’t listen. That annoying face – <em>Talking </em>about what had happened. Why the hell nobody had told him about this was beyond him. “That fucking bastard.” Lovino swore.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Lovino</em>.” Feliciano warned, shushing him.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s the fucker who took me to the hospital – He’s talking about <em>me</em>.” It was obvious they weren’t naming any names here, maybe it was for privacy but this only meant they were bound to find him. There was no way the only survivor in an ongoing case against a serial killer was going to get away scot-free from the media.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ludwig </em>saved you?” Feliciano’s eyes were as wide as saucers.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever his name is. I don’t give a shit. Can’t you see he’s just talking about it! Nobody asked me!” A picture of a car popped up on the screen. That piece of metal that he’d wiped his hands on, that had his blood all over the interior. “Turn this shit off.” He ordered. People were seeing <em>his </em>blood on their screens. That was <em>his</em>. All he could remember was how it felt like to die, bleeding out and crying like a wounded animal in a stranger’s car. Kiku simply flicked to a different channel, probably disturbed by the image as well.</p><p> </p><p>“You never told me that it was him,” Feliciano pouted. “I would’ve called him to thank him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just <em>who </em>the fuck is Ludwig?” Lovino hounded. “You keep talking about him like I know the guy! All he did was drive me to the hospital and take the first opportunity he had to talk about me behind my back,” Kiku went red suddenly avoiding eye contact. “<em>You </em>know him too?” He interrogated, shifting his attention.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re friends!” Feliciano explained, looking to Kiku. Lovino narrowed his eyes at his brother and looked towards Kiku’s ashamed face. “He’s our friend.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re fucking him, aren’t you?” His theory seemed to be correct the way Kiku seemed to be struggling to maintain his composure.</p><p> </p><p>“So what? I’m an adult,” Feliciano crossed his arms leaning in his chair. “Besides, he <em>is </em>our friend. He’s just a little bit more friendly with me.” He pouted.</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking <em>knew </em>it, you never learned how to shut the fuck up,” Lovino groaned, imagining Kiku’s suffering living under the same roof as a screamer. “You need to stop that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop what? I try to be quiet!” Kiku hunched in his chair as if he was going into hiding when Feliciano sat up straight, his guard seemed to be raised by this conversation coming up again.</p><p> </p><p>“No, stop being a <em>whore. </em>Seriously, I can’t believe you. <em>That </em>guy? Your standards are nonexistent!” He scoffed. “You were telling me that-that you’re worried about <em>Kiku</em>! What about you, huh? How many other people you been making ‘<em>friends’ </em>with?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think that this can wai-“ Kiku tried to cut in before Feliciano furrowed his brows.</p><p> </p><p>“You act like I go to all these seedy places like you do. Isn’t that where you were last? Like you’re any different from me. At least I meet people in well-lit places.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you think that makes you better? A whore with the lights on is still a whore, you don’t <em>know </em>these people,” He snapped. His paranoia dictating every wore realizing that Feliciano could now be in the line of fire with this whole murder business. “I just had a fucked-up dream – I was being <em>murdered</em>. Strangled! It was like I was really there! Do you want to be strangled, Feliciano, maybe you could find out?”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“I’m not going to be <em>strangled</em>-“</p><p> </p><p>“Strangled?” Kiku asked, his voice overlapping Feliciano’s, drowned out by the other’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>“-I mean <em>really</em>? You’re thinking so horribly!” The distress ripping through him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m thinking horribly because it <em>is </em>horrible, Feliciano.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s no more dangerous than whatever you were doing with that roommate of yours – I surround myself with good people.” Feliciano said with pride.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re digging up shit that happened three years ago! And it wasn’t a relationship – We were business partners.”</p><p> </p><p>His brother scoffed at the term, “<em>Business partners</em>? Say it right, you were criminals.” The amusement only pissed Lovino off more than he previously was. That smug face practically mocking him and how he chose to live <em>three years ago</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“At least I’m reformed, you’re still a slut!” His low blow seemed to wash off Feliciano like a wave, it was nothing he hadn’t heard before.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait I-“ Kiku was only drowned out by the argument, the momentum unable to stop.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>So what</em>? You’ve gotten into more trouble than I ever have! Remember how I had to come over just so you would stop getting pummeled every other day?” Lovino groaned, he always brought it up as if he’d <em>saved </em>him – He didn’t <em>need </em>saving.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever! I was fine on my own, I already had one foot out the door – And what part about three years ago aren’t you getting?! You’re living in the past-“</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, Lovino, Feliciano, <em>please</em>!” Kiku exclaimed as he held up his hands. “You had a dream about being strangled and you two are just <em>arguing</em>?” They both stared dumbly at him. Feliciano’s shoulder slumped as his defenses began to calm themselves down while Lovino’s only doubled down.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yes</em>, strangled. And I don’t even know what the hell to think about it, I thought it was really happening,” Lovino crossed his arms. “I feel like I’m going crazy here – Put me back in that coma, even that shit made more sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t sound much like a normal dream.” Kiku remarked with worry in his voice. Even Feliciano seemed to be thinking more about it, a look of shame on his face from raising his voice. Lovino shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, it doesn’t – A nightmare then,” He said dismissively. He held onto himself like a lifeline, feeling small. “And I thought I could just come out here and calm down but instead I have to watch <em>my blood </em>on TV like it’s nothing!” His voice cracked. “I haven’t even-even had <em>time </em>to just think before they’re putting that shit all over the place. Soon it’ll be <em>you </em>and me and whatever fucking stranger that wants to have a go of it! Everybody’s <em>goddamn </em>circus.” He sighed in defeat. A stray hand instinctively went up to his throat. <em>Tight</em>. <em>Tighter</em>. His neck close to snapping entirely.</p><p> </p><p>“Lovino I-“ His brother began.</p><p> </p><p>“You shut the fuck up,” Concise and straight to the point. Their eyes didn’t even have to meet for Feliciano to shut his mouth. “I just need...” His abdomen was aching again, almost becoming too painful. Medication? Another nap? No, he wasn’t going to sleep again after <em>that</em>. But he didn’t even get to finish his thought.</p><p> </p><p>Lovino leaped a foot in the air when he heard a beeping going off, getting up and putting the seat in front of him as if that would do anything. Sharp, precise – The sound that saved his life. Under his breath, he swore up a storm. Hands trembling at the idea that a little sound had stopped the <em>tight, tight </em>feeling that pushed down on him. It felt so real. Or was it real?</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, <em>Christ</em>,” Feliciano sighed in frustration as he stumbled over the seating to get to the kitchen. “Kiku, remind me to fix the fire alarm before the neighbors complain.”</p><p> </p><p>“It just needs new batteries,” Kiku pointed out. Lovino knew fully well that this was a regular conflict – His brother too airheaded to remember until the fire alarm blared before he went back to forgetting the goddamn batteries again. “Feliciano!” He called out, scolding like a mother would a child. “Get a chair, that’s dangerous.”</p><p> </p><p>“I need to go to the station.” Lovino thought out loud. He could hear Feliciano grunting, turning to see him on the kitchen counter trying to reach the fire alarm on the roof. The beeping too loud for him to hear Lovino. That sound spiked a special kind of anxiety in his chest. A beating in his ribcage that was making his fingertips tingle from the unpleasant sensation.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Stupid thing</em>,” Felciano complained as he finally managed to reach the alarm. It beeped a couple more times before shutting off. He turned at the sound of keys jingling. “Hey, what’re you doing?” His brother jumped off the counter much to Kiku’s disapproval.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m borrowing your shitty car,” He slipped on his shoes. “And your ugly jacket,” Lovino pulled the windbreaker off the coat rack. “And going to the police station, away from this shithole.” He hissed.</p><p> </p><p>“Lovino, one of us should come with you.” Kiku said rationally. But Lovino wasn’t looking for anybody’s rationale.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be back later. I’ve told you where I’ll be,” Lovino ignored both of them by ripping open the door before Feliciano had already rushed over. “Don’t touch me!” He exclaimed, violently ripping the hand that Feliciano had stopped him from moving any further out the door. With both hands held up in a peaceful stance Feliciano raised his eyebrows to show he wasn’t going to protest, Lovino relaxed a little.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s some change in the left-hand pocket. When you get to the station please just use a payphone to tell me you got there safely, and when you’re coming home.” He requested. Lovino looked down the hallway before looking back at those pleading amber eyes. His worry was genuine. Lovino could tell that if he were to refuse his brother would only end up stressed out the whole time he was away. If he were vindictive, he would refuse but he was just too tired to be so petty right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright.” Lovino assured. After he said it, he could see how the worry dissipated almost instantly, shoulders less stiff and smile returning.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks,” He sighed. “See you when you get back.” Lovino nodded, stepping out and closing the door.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>beep beep lettuce</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Prisoners</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Antonio’s incessant tapping of his pen was almost as annoying as the clock ticking on the wall and the many phone calls that could be heard just behind the office wall. There were too many pictures that had accumulated over three years, too many suspects that had impossible alibis, and too many locations that they had visited. Lovino’s place of rest was particularly well-hidden, only someone who knew where it was would ever go there and it seemed like the people who knew where it was were few and far between. It was by far the worst of the bars they had to visit, at least the other ones seemed to be fun if you were interested in that scene – This one was where you go if you’re deprived or desperate. It almost made him wonder.</p><p> </p><p>“Toni.” Gilbert called. The tapping ceased as he swiveled around in his chair.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“How did you know where that place was?” Gilbert’s curiosity was killing him.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“That <em>Backdoor </em>place – Seemed pretty hidden to me.” Antonio shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“I did a drug case there a few years back. Why? You think I like that place?” The embarrassment of being so nosey was getting to Gilbert. He didn’t know what he was thinking. Maybe what Antonio had said.</p><p> </p><p>“You never know these days. My brother told me he had been with a man himself and I didn’t know what to think. I don’t like the idea of him going to those types of places,” He admitted. “It’s a dangerous world out there.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve seen him… He wouldn’t be a target.” Antonio said rather confidently. It almost ticked him off to say that, it was too optimistic. Too naïve.</p><p> </p><p>“How do you <em>know </em>that for sure though?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I guess I don’t but anybody reasonable wouldn’t be picking on him of all people with all that-that muscle. All the victims looked like they were the easiest targets.” Gilbert frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not just talking about the killings – It only takes one bullet or one stab wound. I mean, haven’t you seen that one <em>Al Pacino </em>movie a few years back with all the leather.”</p><p> </p><p>“You actually watched that?” Antonio snickered. “It’s just a movie.” He said dismissively. Gilbert couldn’t disagree more, shaking his head. Although, he was slightly embarrassed that he actually had watched the movie.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, all I’m saying is that those guys didn’t look like little weak baby men and they still ended up in the gutter. That could be Ludwig…” He furrowed his brows. “Besides, it wasn’t all <em>just </em>a movie because now this shit is coming to our desks.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh? I’ve never noticed.” Antonio sarcastically picked up a file of many from his desk.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, I never know if you’re serious when you say those things or not,” He knocked on his temple. “Kind of thick up here,” He joked before cackling. Antonio smiled, shaking his head. “I think it works in your favor though, it makes you hard to place.” Antonio cocked an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“How so?” He shrugged at the question.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know how much of you to believe in – I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so likable to everyone.” Antonio sighed, that’s when Gilbert noticed that he’d gone back to looking down at his desk.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you got anything on Sadik Adnan?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh- Y-Yeah, wait for a second,” Caught off guard, he fumbled around trying to find the file. Occasionally giving a glance to the back of Antonio’s head. It took him more than a second, but he’d managed to open the correct file. “Mostly just petty crimes, some drug charges. Never served prison time at least. You remember him?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know how you could forget him,” Antonio finally turned back around with a closed smile. “Kind of irritating.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought he was pretty funny.” Gilbert grimaced when he looked at his record, even if they were relatively petty crimes the sheer amount of them wasn’t anything to be impressed with. He never really took them seriously, mostly because of how many ways he could weasel his way out of prison time instead, getting however many hours of community service or a hefty fine he could pay off easily. But Gilbert could still appreciate a good joke or two.</p><p> </p><p>“He could’ve killed those people,” Antonio reminded him. “He was the last person seen with Lovino, he walked off with him.” Gilbert sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“I just don’t know if he’d kill anybody in cold blood, let alone that many…” He had to remind himself that he’d already demonstrated he wasn’t shy about committing crime, but they were all non-violent – The jump seemed too drastic. He’d seen plenty times how someone who had assault or domestic violence charges went on to kill but dealing and the occasional theft didn’t seem like the background of a serial murderer.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t say that, we might have had him around here but none of us are friends with him.” Antonio reminded Gilbert for him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know.” That nagging feeling that the escalation was odd just kept coming back. Even if he logically knew this wasn’t a regular case, it was new to them. Serial murders didn’t happen often enough for them to know the order of these things.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s known enough by bartenders at least; he doesn’t limit himself to the kind you’d go to as well. It’s possible that if they saw Lovino with him last that it means the same could be said for the other ones.”</p><p> </p><p>“We only know that a couple of the deceased frequented bars, Toni.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Not exactly untangled</em>, Gil. There’s plenty of people with secrets.” Antonio spat as he leaned back.</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t know of any secrets; we’d be shooting ourselves in the foot if we just started to make up assumptions of these people.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve made plenty of assumptions of <em>these people</em>.” Gilbert glared at Antonio for the hostility.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Antonio feigned ignorance.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing.” He could feel his face twitch at the response.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going home early,” He decided, standing up with a handful of files. “I’m doing this at home. Maybe fix that shitty attitude.” He recommended before getting up. It seemed like a long walk of silence to the door, he had half expected some kind of protest at his retirement but heard nothing from his partner. As soon as he closed the door it almost seemed like Francis had materialized right in front of him, causing him to jump.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Jesus fucking Christ</em>, say something before you just stand there would you?” Francis frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“Not the welcome I was hoping for, I was actually going to talk to Antonio.” He said pointing past Gilbert. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t bother, he’s in some kind of mood,” Gilbert said bitterly. It wasn’t often that they had disagreed in such a tense way. “Was it something personal or work?”</p><p> </p><p>“Personal, mostly. You see the man beside my desk is giving me trouble,” Of course, Francis was looking for somewhere to relax with his friends. As they did frequently. Gilbert tried to restrain himself from being too lax but there were some days where he needed to just joke around. “But I see your partner is giving you trouble as well.”</p><p> </p><p>Gilbert nodded, displaying his files. “I’m working from home tonight. Maybe you should too if it’s anything to do with Arthur.” Francis chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, but if anybody asks, I’ll say it was per your orders.” He shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t mind being a bad influence sometimes.”  Gilbert smirked, walking with Francis.</p><p> </p><p>“You can see that flame of yours instead of being stuck here at least.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, I could and I could get my ass kicked while I’m at it annoying her at this hour.”</p><p> </p><p>Francis scoffed, “When has that ever stopped you?”</p><p> </p><p>He cackled, “I guess never.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The phone dial went on for a few seconds before he heard a sleepy sigh, “Who is it?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s me.” Gilbert snickered.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, you’re the only annoyance in my life right now,” Elizabeta sighed. She always went to bed early from her early starts. Gilbert would call her lucky, he had late nights <em>and </em>early starts. “What did you want from me this time?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you could start by telling me what you’re wearing,” He joked. “I’m kidding by the way; I don’t want to know that.” He said quickly as some kind of form of recovery no matter how clunky it was.</p><p> </p><p>“It wouldn’t matter anyway; I have my hair rollers and pajamas on – And not the sexy kind.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s sexy rollers?” An irritated groan could be heard on the other end. He wasn’t sure why, he was seriously wondering if there was such a thing now.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you want?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m free now, the night is young.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I’m not,” Elizabeta deadpanned. “I have an early start.”</p><p> </p><p>“So do I. Except I don’t see you looking at corpses for a living.”</p><p> </p><p>“There it is, the detective card… So what? You want to talk?”</p><p> </p><p>Gilbert shrugged even though he knew she couldn’t see it, “<em>Eh</em>, I’d rather have a drink with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is this your terrible way of asking your just divorced friend out?” He felt a tinge of guilt. “Really, I’m still warm!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ouch, don’t remind me.” It had been some time but a few months after a marriage that had lasted eight years isn’t something he expected her to get over quickly. But he should see the other guy, Roderich was practically recluse now. Didn’t see each other enough anymore even if they had their qualms, the still had a history that couldn’t be erased too easily. He tried to make a note that he should visit him sometime.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a damn shame, I already did,” He could hear the smile through the line. “I’ll get dressed but don’t expect much. Where am I going to?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll pick you up.” He insisted.</p><p> </p><p>“Why the chivalry?” She asked skeptically.</p><p> </p><p>“Just peace of mind,” He thought of all the people who had insisted on going out alone at this hour who never came back. This job had made him paranoid for everyone in his circle. “It’ll give you more time to get all prettied up anyway.” Elizabeta laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you not to expect much,” He heard some rustling. “I’ll be waiting when I’m done. You can’t always be early.” She said confidently. He knew it was reverse psychology, but he was falling for it. He was <em>always </em>early if not on time.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see to it then. Bye, Lizard.” He teased.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ugh</em>, bye, Birdie” Childhood nicknames aside, he put the phone down so he could change his shirt. The office didn’t have great ventilation which often lead to borderline heatstroke or at least sweating. It wasn’t a good look to be sweaty when driving a girl to a shitty bar on the edge of town. The beer was good there though.  </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Wow, I didn’t think you were serious about not expecting much.” Elizabeta frowned at this but knew he was kidding. She had to of known.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a real prick,” She noted. “But you’re paying so it’s alright with me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I never said-“ Elizabeta interrupted him with a finger to the lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I did. You call a girl when she’s sleeping you pay for her night out.” She said sternly, moving past him to get into the passenger side.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think you would’ve answered if you were sleeping.” Gilbert let out a faux snore, making sure to make it as loud and dramatic as possible. It only convinced Elizabeta to get in the car to avoid his mockery. He cackled as he got into the driver’s side. She sighed when he shut the car door, rubbing her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, where are we going then?” She raised a well-plucked eyebrow. “Hopefully nowhere sleazy.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you have faith in me, I wouldn’t take you anywhere like that in this world,” He put his keys in the ignition, the car coming to life. “It has good beer though. Not awesome but it’ll do.” He pulled out onto the road, Elizabeta seen out of the corner of his eye staring. He tried to ignore her, turning up the radio playing some rock song he didn’t have to time to listen to any other time.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“This isn’t your best pick but it’s not terrible either.” Elizabeta shrugged, taking a sip of her beverage. He couldn’t agree more. But at least it was relatively quiet, she had picked the spot in the back. Seating kind of hard and uncomfortable but private enough to where it didn’t matter.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I learned that I was paying so I couldn’t exactly buy you the finest brew.” He smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re usually spontaneous but this was certainly something,” She started. “Something happen?” The corners of her lips upturned into a knowing smirk. He sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Antonio is like a teenaged boy sometimes,” She hummed, nodding along. “Just kind of moody out of nowhere. It’s been getting more noticeable.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing too serious?” Gilbert shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m sure it’ll blow over but that’s not the entire reason I brought you out here,” He bit his lip. “I guess I’m becoming a prisoner.” He admitted reluctantly.</p><p> </p><p>“A prisoner?” He nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t stop thinking about the case and I just feel so… Trapped,” He scoffed. “That sounds privileged, people lost their lives and I’m complaining I have it bad.” He could still think of their bodies – Their faces. Some of them eaten away from decomposition, the others looking more like they were sleeping. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the fear.</p><p> </p><p>“You do have a hard job though; it’s why I don’t let you steep too long,” He gave her the side-eye. “You know, like a tea-bag. You just get more and more recluse over time, instead of something flavourful, I guess that’s the only difference.”</p><p> </p><p>“And here I was thinking you just liked my company.” She chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I don’t <em>dislike </em>your company which is more than most people could say,” He tried to pretend he didn’t hear that by looking off to the side. “But I know you tend to overthink until it eats you up. You still write?”</p><p> </p><p>“Write?” He narrowed his eyes directly making eye-contact wither green. “How do you know that?”</p><p> </p><p>“I read your diaries when we were kids. I’m assuming you still have them.” He grew embarrassed by this revelation. He’d written <em>everything </em>in those things, including the time he saw Elizabeta’s breasts when she changed – Unintentionally of course but they were kids! He was confused as all hell to find out she didn’t have the same parts he did. But it wasn’t just <em>him </em>in those entries, some of them were just lies. Stories but lies all the same, what he wanted to be rather than what he actually was.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re… Nothing,” He dismissed. “Just a hobby.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think they’re cute and they probably take the edge off a rough day. That’s why I hope you still write them I guess – So you don’t feel like a prisoner so much,” She shrugged. “I need something to make me feel less like that.” He saw the sadness in her eyes. She missed him, and Gilbert knew there wasn’t much he could do to help other than take her to a sub-par bar.</p><p> </p><p>“Divorce can’t be all bad – You can do whatever you want now.” She glared.</p><p> </p><p>“Even married I could still do whatever I wanted. It’s just now it’s a little lonelier.” She said defensively.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. I like being alone,” He looked at her hand, she still wore her wedding ring on her right hand. Something that probably wouldn’t necessarily be picked up around here but meant something to her – In her mind, she was still attached enough to consider herself married even if it wasn’t real. It can’t be that easy to just shut that door though.</p><p> </p><p>“I might move back home.  Maybe see what my parents have to say for me,” She laughed. “You know, they sounded like they wanted to kick the shit out of me when I told them the news. Like it was my fault.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whose fault was it, his?” She shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Nature’s. It wasn’t really either of us,” She frowned. “But that’s just the way it is, I guess. One day you think everything is okay and then the next something just changes and it’s just <em>totally </em>out of your control.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Control</em>…” Gilbert muttered. “Do you think someone could kill someone for control?” She stared at him dumbfounded.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Are you talking about your case?” He nodded. A glimmer of something painful seemed to gleam in her eyes. She seemed to retract a little from the conversation, leaning back slightly and looking down at her drink. “I suppose so. I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>He held his hands, his fingers extended and bent in a curved form, not unlike the motion of wrapping one's hands around a neck entailed. “I mean, you literally have your hands around someone and you’re trapping them. Maybe they want to feel powerful – Maybe they feel weak. Maybe they’ve <em>felt </em>weak,” He theorized. “Someone who likes to pick on people who can’t fight back so they’re guaranteed to win. So they don't feel so trapped.”</p><p> </p><p>Elizabeta sighed. “No wonder you don’t get invited to parties.” He frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s my job.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you working?” She asked. “Have you been working this entire time?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m always working.” She frowned back.</p><p> </p><p>“Then no wonder you’re a prisoner – You do it to yourself. We all do it to ourselves,” She picked her purse off the seat, standing up. “I’m taking a cab home. I think I’m tired.” He tried to stop her by getting up himself but she just pushed him back down by the shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I have a perfectly functioning car, it’s dangerou-“ He was interrupted by her voice overlapping with his.</p><p> </p><p>“Dangerous, I know. Everything is dangerous to you,” She shook her head. “I’m taking a cab. I’ll give you a call in the morning, so you don’t eat yourself up in your paranoia.” He could see how sad he’d made her, he’d disappointed her. Maybe she was right, he was paranoid. But it was for good reason – If it wasn’t for good reason then what the hell was the point of all of it? He had to look out for the people who didn’t know what they could be walking themselves into.</p><p> </p><p>He made sure to watch her carefully, walking out the door and onto the street. Until the window didn’t reveal anything more. He tried to sit still and think rationally. This strangler targeted men for one, men who had a proclivity to have male lovers as well. She wasn’t blonde either, more like mousy – But maybe she could get confused for someone else. Her attire was never exactly feminine. He shook his head, no, she was wearing heels. There’s no way someone could confuse her for a man, what was he thinking?</p><p> </p><p>But there were others that weren’t the strangler. Ones that really <em>did </em>attack women like her.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Shit</em>.” He swore harshly, pulling Elizabeta’s lonely beer to himself. He had to stop thinking of all the worst-case scenarios. He couldn’t just think of something normal for once. Maybe he’d try to write more, maybe it would help. Something dumb, something about knights maybe. He sighed. Something that didn’t make him feel so goddamn trapped.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I like writing Gilbert and Elizabeta interacting, just saying this happens the same day/night as the Lovino chapters, it's just in Gilbert's perspective and will be mentioned next chapter when Lovino is at the station so that's where he was having a real depressing night although I'm sure most of you could pick that up anyway.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Enigma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Things gonna get spicy after this, some tasty plot thickening, oui oui. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>When Lovino arrived, he went straight to the front desk and told the receptionist, “I need Detective Beilschmidt.” She looked up at him with bored blue eyes. Platinum blonde hair falling to her breast with a bow choking the collar of her shirt. She probably thought it was cute but Lovino didn’t give a damn about a pretty face right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Detective Beilschmidt went home,” If looks could kill, that was the one this woman was giving him. “Do you have an immediate problem?” Lovino groaned, frustrated.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever, I need the other one then. Detective Fernández-Carriedo.” She picked up a pen.</p><p> </p><p>“What is your name?” <em>She’s a hard woman</em>, he thought bitterly.</p><p> </p><p>“Lovino Vargas.” Her eyes seemed just a tinge less bored and murderous now, dropping the pen and standing up.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take you to his desk, but I can’t promise he’ll be in a good mood. Most of them aren’t when they’re about to leave work.” She’d obviously had some problem with this in the past. But Lovino didn’t care. This bastard was going to listen to him. When she moved from behind the desk, she beckoned him to follow her before leading him through the station. She stopped suddenly at a door, not even knocking before opening it.</p><p> </p><p>“Detective,” Called inside the room. “Lovino Vargas has requested you.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? As in he’s <em>here</em>?” Lovino made his presence known by standing closer to the woman.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, <em>I’m here</em>, I need to talk to you,” He said with a frown. The woman sighed and slipped past him, clearly disillusioned by him. “Some weird shit started happening and-“ He began to rattle off what he had to say before the detective stood up.</p><p> </p><p>“Close the door, we can talk about it privately,” Lovino listened reluctantly, shutting the door behind him. He could see Fernández-Carriedo fumbling through his desk drawers, finding a pen and paper. What kind of detective had to <em>search </em>for a pen? A stupidly unprepared one. “Use Gilbert’s seat, it’s more comfortable.” His gaze turned to the other desk in the room. The chair did look comfortable. He grabbed the arm of it and pulled it across to the detective’s desk, sitting on it nervously wiping his hands on his pant legs.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not going home yet are you?” The detective smiled. It was unsettling to Lovino, only because he found it impossible to smile under the circumstances. Not that he knew that. It felt like Lovino was suffering alone.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m having a late night or two here for now. A lot to do,” He sighed, holding out a hand expectantly. “Antonio,” He said. Lovino just stared at his hand before <em>Antonio </em>dropped it. The disappointment in those emerald eyes almost making Lovino feel guilty about the soft rejection. “So… You came to talk to me about something?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I… I think I remembered something?” He didn’t intend for it to sound so much like a question. It made him seem confused. He <em>was </em>confused but he didn’t think that made him look very credible, he had to be confident in his words. “I remembered that night.”</p><p> </p><p>“How much of it?” The tonal shift was rather jarring. That melodic voice turning almost accusatory – Aggressive. “Sorry, I’m just – This is really important. Keep going, I’ll listen.” He apologised.</p><p> </p><p>“Right- I…” He tried to find where to start. Maybe it was the shock he’d gotten from Antonio’s voice. “I was in pain but not like when I got out of there. It wasn’t as bad but still… It was in the dark, outside… With the frogs.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where you were found?” Lovino nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“I think so… Then I could hear someone – But I couldn’t see them. It was a man though, it had to of been. He didn’t say anything, but he did hush me,” His lip twitched. “Then he strangled me for a long time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Strangled? With their hands?” Lovino nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“It was like an explosion – I could <em>feel </em>it again. The pressure, it was just…” He tried to stop thinking about the pain. “It felt like such a long time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can you estimate?” It felt like an odd question to ask. Almost irrelevant entirely. But there had to be some reason, right?</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know-“ He stopped himself from getting too defensive. He came here, not the other way around. “Five minutes at most. But then there was this sound that just stopped it… Like a beeping sound.”</p><p> </p><p>“A beeping?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. He stopped and hit me on the head with something and then I think… I think he stabbed me not too long after…” All he remembered was how he could feel this rush of pain before going numb, unable to stop thinking about the beeping. “What the fuck would make a sound like that?” He <em>knew </em>what it was. He just couldn’t put his finger on it.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t… Something that beeps…” Antonio stopped his train of thought. “Hold on,” He reached over to his telephone. Lovino half expected him to call someone, he got ready to just sit and listen to this idiot talk on the phone for however long. He put the phone down on the desk before pulling out a little black box, sliding it to Lovino. He watched for a few seconds, about a minute, before he heard a prolonged beeping. Lovino tensed up.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>A fucking pager</em>,” Lovino hissed. “Goddamn it, I know that sound.” He was kicking himself now.</p><p> </p><p>“You have one?” Antonio asked.</p><p> </p><p>“No, of course not. Too expensive…” Lovino muttered. “I used to know a guy who had one. But he was…” He was scorned by the memory. “Well, you know, doctors, firemen, cops and drug-dealers. All the necessary professions.” He said sarcastically, somehow it seemed like it went right over Antonio's head. There were a whole lot of things he could remember, his mistakes mostly. A bad time in his life before any of this.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know someone who could’ve done this?” Antonio prompted, taking the pager back and clipping it back to its rightful place. He could see the scribbled marks on the paper. Lovino swallowed, shaking his head. He’d never been close enough to people who might’ve disliked him, he’d gotten on people’s bad side plenty times before with strangers and acquaintances but never enough to want him dead. “Have you had any problems with someone close to you in the past?” <em>Yes</em>. But that was a long time ago. He looked up at Antonio’s expectant face.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe… But only if you don’t write it down. I could get into trouble.” Feeling the discomfort creeping upon him he felt his body shift in his seat an unusual amount.</p><p> </p><p>“You won’t get into trouble,” Antonio promised, nonetheless, he put the pen and paper down. “Tell me about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s illegal.” Antonio shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Not right now, I’ll let it pass.” That was good, he guessed. Immunity for shit he did three years ago, he wished he had that at the time. Maybe then he could’ve gotten some help that wasn’t his brother.</p><p> </p><p>Lovino sighed. “I used to live with a guy before I began living alone. It was a bad time.”</p><p> </p><p>“How bad?”</p><p> </p><p>“He beat the shit out of me – He thought I’d stolen from him,” Lovino frowned. “I’d go to work, and he’d do his work. I never minded the living situation much until I started to get involved with it a little. I liked the money.”</p><p> </p><p>“What was his work?” The dumb look on Antonio’s face seemed so genuine that it made Lovino want to bash his face into a wall. He couldn’t believe he was even able to work his way up to becoming a detective.</p><p> </p><p>“Who the fuck else owns a pager when they’re broke?” Lovino deadpanned, he could see a knowing look on Antonio’s face. “We wouldn’t have been broke either had we not spent the shit the moment it fell into our hands. I’ll give you an idea, I only had to stay there one more week of dealing before I had enough to just pack my shit and leave without even thinking about it. I wasn’t even worried about money.”</p><p> </p><p>“Was this incident of violence more than one incident?” Lovino shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess. I just lived with the guy; we were friends at one point. He liked to accuse me of all kinds of shit because I liked to borrow product to sell myself and maybe a bit of cash from him. <em>But </em>I <em>always</em> gave shit back, sometimes double,” Lovino crossed his arms. “I wasn’t a thief to my friends. But always with the accusations! I’m sure the neighbours thought we had some kind of boxing match every night.”</p><p> </p><p>“How long ago was this?”</p><p> </p><p>“Three years ago, almost four,” Lovino saw Antonio’s face change into one of intrigue. “I moved out March of 1982, on the 24<sup>th</sup>. I only remember that because I had a pretty shitty birthday a week before. My brother, he…” The aftermath of his brother’s actions had come back to bite him, stupidly going alone to pick up his things and causing another argument with his roommate. He didn’t mind it so much though, he liked to see <em>him </em>with the bruises on his face instead for once. Maybe it was just in the Vargas nature to be volatile – Lovino didn’t know Feliciano had it in him. “He did a number on him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Would you like to give me a name?” The detective prompted; he was almost forgetting that’s what Antonio was. He was strangely familiar – Comfortable.</p><p> </p><p>“Sadik Adnan…” Lovino raised an eyebrow. He saw Antonio picking up the pen again, breaking trust and comfort he’d felt just seconds before. It seemed all too easy for Lovino to lose trust. “I liked living with him for a while, in the beginning.” He thought it would soften all that had come before that.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think he’d have any grudges?”</p><p> </p><p>“What, no. <em>Wait</em>, you aren’t interrogating me are you?” He asked suspicious of Antonio’s intent. The conversation seemed to of pivoted.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s not that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what the hell is it? I haven’t seen him in those three years but if he’s still dealing then…” He didn’t want to accidentally say something that could get both of them in trouble. “I don’t know about him; it’s been a long time.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not saying anything right now, but I’ve now heard that name multiple times…” He clicked the pen and set it down. “We went to that club you mentioned. They placed a Sadik Adnan there with you just before you left. Quite a familiar face there, and here as well. Do you remember that?”</p><p> </p><p>“What? <em>Why</em>?” Lovino shook his head. “No, I told him that I wasn’t going to be seeing him again. I wouldn’t have let him near me. He got me into enough shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you did. At least in passing. Bartenders see a lot of things and one of them was that <em>you </em>were opening your mouth at least more than once before you left with him,”</p><p> </p><p>“But I…” He couldn’t remember.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think you would’ve walked away with him if you were under the influence?” He’d like to tell himself that he wouldn’t. But he couldn’t even trust himself.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” He answered honestly. “Maybe.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe?” A sick feeling began to harbour in his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.” He reiterated. His hands were trembling, he pulled the sleeves of his brother’s windbreak down to cover them.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, it’s alright,” Antonio pulled back. “Do you want anything to drink? It’s pretty much just coffee, soda or water.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want anything,” He didn’t understand how he was so calm – There was even a lightness to his voice. “Are all of you people like this?” He asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Like what?” Antonio seemed oblivious as ever. It made Lovino mutter a curse word under his breath.</p><p> </p><p>“So easy to just go back to normal. I can’t talk about this bullshit anymore – I feel sick,” His memory flashed back to the television. “I saw all my blood on TV and I couldn’t…” A sympathetic smile came across Antonio’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“You lived it, that’s why… We go home just like anybody else and have to think about it like it’s any other job. Even when it’s hard,” Antonio was a curious person to Lovino. Strangely comforting while also making him uncomfortable. Maybe it was that kind face of his. “Gilbert and I were awfully… Impressed to see how you got out of there.” Lovino wasn’t, at least not anymore. Maybe it was because of the pain it was beginning to bring him and the big question that haunted him, <em>why</em> <em>him</em>?</p><p> </p><p>“If I could see, I would’ve given up. So lucky I couldn’t see,” Lovino said bitterly. “If you can’t even tell what obstacles you’re going to face you don’t think about crossing them so much.”</p><p> </p><p>Antonio hummed in agreement, “It seemed to of worked for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess you could look it that way…” <em>Dumb luck </em>was a better way to describe it. He sighed. “I just had to tell you about it. The dream or- Memory.” He slipped.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s fine but I need to get this on record, could we visit you tomorrow so we could ask you a few questions about Sadik Adnan? Maybe ask your brother some questions as well since he was involved,” He shifted, nervously sitting up straighter. “That is, if you have the time for that. I can see it taking a while to make a statement you’re happy with.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d rather come in here, if that’s okay…” He thought of how he didn’t want to chance his brother listening in on him while he was giving his side. Not that he expected him to be <em>that </em>nosey, but he couldn’t be sure if he’d do that or not, that idiot was always full of surprises. Antonio nodded at the alternative but that didn’t shake Lovino’s reluctance. “But I’m not sure if I should at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why is that?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what I’d be doing. I don’t want to fuck things up.” Antonio raised an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“Is it because you’re thinking more about his sake than yours?” Lovino frowned, angered.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not a bad <em>person</em> – He never hurt anybody badly and if he did, he always had some kind of justification for it. If I thought he was stealing from me I’d probably try to fuck him up too.” He could remember how pissed off his brother was that he was still living there, doing what he was doing. Quite the scary face he had too the way he’d confronted Sadik, even he looked like he was going to piss himself. He hated to admit that it helped, that maybe he really did <em>need </em>his brother.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to say, you seem adamant about protecting someone who as you said <em>beat the shit out of you</em>.” He crossed his arms, not wanting to confront that reality. Maybe it was because of how close they were once. Even if they were strong personalities, too strong to be of any use to the other’s psyche, they had plenty of good times. He still wasn’t convinced he would go as far as murder.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he did. But what I remember is strangling and stabbing and I have the reminders to prove it. Sadik wouldn’t have done that – He’s forceful but it’s like switching a light on and off and he could usually get his point across quickly <em>without </em>permanent scars. Whatever that was… It went on so much longer.”</p><p> </p><p>“You haven’t seen him in three years though,” Antonio pointed out. “Do you think it could’ve escalated?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Maybe</em>, I don’t know, <em>fuck</em>. I don’t know!” He groaned, shaking his head in denial. His eyes were being pricked with tears just out of the sheer frustration and confusion of it all. “If I talked to him that night then I can’t say anything else about it. You’ll have to ask him what the hell he’s been doing the past three years. He could be a fuckin’ saint now for all I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can assure you, he’s not a saint yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well neither am I,” Lovino said with disgust directed inwards. “You saw where I was last – Even my brother isn’t as much as a degenerate as I’ve been.” If Feliciano had heard that he couldn’t tell if he’d be gloating over it for days or if he’d try to hug him or something, either way, Lovino would be seething.</p><p> </p><p>“Doesn’t mean you should’ve been attacked. None of us can be incorrupt...” It didn’t serve to make him feel any better about his life and why it had been spared. It only served to point out just how hard it was to defend him. “Would you like something to eat?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not…” His stomach grumbled. He thought of how Feliciano and Kiku had probably finished their dinners by now while Lovino was still sitting with a virtually empty stomach. When he’d take his medication, it wasn’t good to do so when that was the case. “<em>Shit</em>, fine.” Antonio grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“Great, we can have an <em>extravagante </em>dinner,” He stood up, indicating he should follow. “We have cashews!”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, actually, can I just use your phone for a second to call my brother? I couldn’t find a payphone out there.” Antonio nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll get you something to eat and drink, go ahead.” Lovino slid Gilbert’s chair over to the telephone, watching Antonio leave, shutting the door behind him softly. He sighed as the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He was beginning to realise that he had to potential to change someone’s life and he wasn’t even sure it was the right thing to do. What would Sadik say about him revealing all that dirty laundry from three years ago? It was something they were both ashamed of.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” He asked into the phone.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, thank God! Big brother!” Feliciano cheered. “I was waiting for you to call!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I couldn’t find where the payphone was around here. I’m using the detective’s phone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Does that mean you’re coming home soon?” Lovino looked behind him, the door still shut.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, I’m having something to eat with the detective here… I think that Sadik is a suspect. He asked about him. I have to come in tomorrow about it, I think they want you to come but I-I don’t know what the fuck to do.” The line went silent. For a second, he wondered if it was dead entirely before he heard a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Just do what they ask and be honest. You have a tendency to bend the truth with <em>that</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s my opinion, you didn’t know him.” He defended.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You don’t know him like I do</em>,” He mocked, thoroughly pissing Lovino off on the other end. Mostly because it did sound like that. “Lovino, please don’t tell me you’re going to say all that crap about how <em>good </em>he is. Good people aren’t violent drug dealers.” The unintentional dig at Lovino hit him personally, he <em>was </em>a violent drug dealer once upon a time. But he liked to assume the best of his brother, he was just oblivious to his words sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Lovino pinched his nose. “I’m not saying I liked what he did. I just don’t know what he’s like <em>now</em>, he could have gotten his shit together, he could be how he was before, I don’t know that and they’re connecting this shit to <em>murders</em>, plural. This is someone’s <em>life</em>; people get arrested for shit by one person’s word all the time, if I screw up, he could be executed or in prison for life.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you say isn’t going to get him jail time for this. They’re probably just getting an idea of what he was like to you then whatever happens after that would be on Sadik. I somehow doubt they’re going to be light on evidence when the crime is so serious, it wouldn’t be your fault if he got the blame for it.” A lump on his throat made it hard for him to speak. Thinking of the bartender’s word that he saw Sadik and him walking off together. How he couldn’t even remember what had happened after that – Wondering if that dark figure was him or not.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want it to be him,” Lovino admitted. “But it looks <em>bad</em>.” His voice cracked having to swallow just so he didn’t make his distress so obvious. For this to of been someone he’d called a friend once was gut-wrenching and he was refusing to believe that there was any possibility of it being true. But he was right, it <em>did </em>look bad. Especially since he knew the places Sadik went, how much money you could get from those places, he had access to a lot of people. Too many names that Lovino could remember.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t think about him,” Feliciano told him sternly. “Think about yourself and what <em>could’ve </em>happened,” It wasn’t often that Feliciano was telling him to be selfish, that’s essentially what he was doing but maybe it was just because of Lovino’s blind loyalty. He didn’t know what was right. “I’ll come with you so that way we can both get this out of the way, yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck,” Lovino sighed as he felt tears welling in his eyes. “Sure… Sure. Look, I have to go... Bye.” He didn’t wait for a response before he put the phone down. For a good long while he just sat around, stressing over what he'd say, what he was going to do. It wasn't anything he could compare experiences with so it wasn't like he had any kind of framework for these things. But then the door opened after a while of listening to that annoying ticking on the wall, he could hear it open but he didn’t want to turn around. Wiping his eyes quickly to avoid the embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>“Here,” Antonio put a couple of bags and a water down. Cashews and potato chips. “It’s not much but it should stem off starvation for now.” He said with amusement.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks...” Lovino croaked, picking up the bottle of water first. He had to get this lump out his throat quickly, so he didn’t admit he’d cried over someone who had been such a bastard to him. He reached into the left-hand pocket of the windbreaker after he’d had a sip, putting the coins on the desk. “For whatever vending machine robbed you.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s on me. Wasn’t much,” Lovino couldn’t complain, he just took the money back silently. “Do you need anything else?” Antonio asked, opening his own bag of cashews.</p><p> </p><p>“I, uh, I’m fine. Just have to go home soon.” Antonio perked up.</p><p> </p><p>“I could take you home, if you need it.” Lovino shook his head, opening the potato chips.</p><p> </p><p>“I drove here. Besides, I need my medication soon. My stomach hurts like a bitch.” He was regretting not having someone come with him, then he wouldn’t have to drive home himself.</p><p> </p><p>“From surgery?” Lovino nodded. “Can I see?” A baffled look came across his face at the question.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a freak.” He told him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, usually I don’t get to see what they do afterwards. But you looked like you were in bad shape in the hospital. Just wondered,” The curiosity to the macabre wasn’t too out of line, Lovino was a little curious himself as to what the scars would look like too. But after he saw them, they only depressed him.</p><p> </p><p> The staples in his head had given him a real bad haircut too – He was surprised his brother hadn’t bullied him for it but that may be him projecting because there was no way in hell Feliciano would get away with the hairdo Lovino had right now. It was alright when he parted his hair a particular way, less obvious. He looked like he’d just been in a bad fight with some of the ugly yellow-green scattered around his face where the bruising had been worse and his eye was still a little red in the sclera from where it had haemorrhaged. Not that he’d noticed – None of that even hurt, especially when compared to what was going on with his surgery wounds. “I think you look good compared to that. I’d like to see how it happened.” Lovino sighed when he added that. Better to get the curiosity out of him before it became too big a thing.</p><p> </p><p>He took off the windbreaker, lifting up his shirt enough to see the small scar where the knife had gone. The appearance of the surgical scars minimal as the rest of the shirt covered most of it, “That bastard is what made me look like shit for so long.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Huh</em>, that is pretty small.” Lovino agreed, it pissed him off that such a small wound could be so much trouble. He pulled his shirt down after he began to feel uncomfortable by the staring. Antonio almost seemed disappointed that he couldn’t see more. Lovino was right, he really was a freak.</p><p> </p><p>“But it was deep. I guess that’s what they used to justify mangling me,” It was kind of hard to imagine himself. Just thinking of what had been damaged inside him made him grateful nothing was too permanent, other than the outward scarring of course. “I’m lucky whoever did this obviously wasn’t smart enough to make sure I was gone.”</p><p> </p><p>Antonio hummed but didn’t say much else as he leaned back, popping another cashew in his mouth. There was certainly something to say about how quickly he’d lost interest in the subject. Lovino looked towards the wall at the ticking clock amongst the awkwardly long silence. He found himself trying to avoid those emerald eyes – They were staring much too long.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s late.” Antonio looked back himself, seeing the time as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Late it is,” He commented. “Time for you to go, I’m guessing,” Lovino nodded, already standing up and ready to go. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll tell Gilbert first thing in the morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Lovino grabbed his brother’s jacket off the chair, throwing it over his arm before grabbing the potato chip bag and water bottle, he noticed how Antonio had already turned away, ignoring him like a fly on the wall, “Hey, asshole.”</p><p> </p><p>Surprisingly that made him turn around. Seeing those eyes made Lovino’s mouth twitch into a frown, “Go home, go out, get drunk, just stop being such a gloomy bastard after smiling so goddamn much. Makes the rest of you seem fake.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been told something similar. It has its purpose.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? The gloom or the smile?” His sarcasm seemed to go underappreciated in the silence.  It was Lovino who looked away first. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He relented.</p><p> </p><p>“Lovino.” Antonio called out. When Lovino turned back around he had an unopened packet of cashews thrown into his chest which he only caught barely.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Thanks</em>.” He said with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Because he really wanted some <em>fucking </em>cashews right now.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oop-<br/>So we have a lead now. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Record</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The room was almost completely empty, three chairs total and a table in which he was leaning on in boredom. He could tell that he was being watched, it was hard to ignore the ‘mirror’. He wondered how many people there were watching him, but he’d like to think that it wasn't too many. This wasn’t supposed to be an interrogation, but it certainly felt like one just by the atmosphere. There were a lot of thoughts that kept coming to mind when he looked around that was making him more and more uncomfortable with each tick of the clock on the wall. He wondered how his brother would do under such unstimulating conditions since his mind seemed to wander when he began to get bored. At least outside these walls, he was sitting around with <em>over-stimulation</em> with all the phones going off, typings going on, and speaking that only served to make the environment even more irritating. He was probably having a field day out there. Even with the boring conditions, Lovino much preferred here to out there.</p><p> </p><p>He sat up when the door opened abruptly. Antonio was the only one who appeared. At least he was a familiar face.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” Lovino fiddled with his hands. Seeing the tape recorder in Antonio’s left hand and a file in the right.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Antonio responded back with a smile. “Sorry to keep you in here, it gets pretty tense in a white room.”</p><p> </p><p>“More like grey, it’s depressing,” He looked to the side, where the mirror was. “Is somebody behind there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just Gilbert, it’s a rule we have to follow. If I could have it my way we’d be alone but you know, safety first.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine. At least I can’t see him.” Lovino convinced himself. Antonio could very well be lying, there could be a dozen other people behind the glass, but he had to trust the process. Feliciano’s words had forced him to think of himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry I couldn’t bring you cashews,” He joked. “I can see you’re a little nervous.” Sitting down, he placed the file on the table.</p><p> </p><p>“I doubt cashews would help. I’d rather not be here in the first place.” Lovino said bitterly.</p><p> </p><p>“Look on the bright side,” He began setting up the recorder. “Most people in your position come here in handcuffs.” </p><p> </p><p>“If that’s the bright side then this place really is a shithole,” Lovino folded his arms, shaking his head. “I won’t get in any trouble for what I say here, right?” Antonio shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Complete immunity, that is, unless you did something really bad. Like murder or rape.” His eyebrows raised as if Lovino would ever say he did any of that right now. Just who did he think he was? A depraved maniac? At most, he was a terrible person but not <em>that </em>terrible.</p><p> </p><p>“God no,” Lovino assured. “You already know the extent of it, just wanted to be sure.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no need to be nervous here, you’re the victim in this case. Whatever you say isn’t going to hurt you, it’ll help you,” Antonio frowned. "I'll try to take more care in making you comfortable, this is why we usually prefer to do these kinds of statements in your own space."</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure.” He said skeptically. Antonio pulled out some papers from the file, Lovino could tell they were about to start so he folded his arms to try and find some comfort in himself. He hated family videos for this exact reason, people hearing the sound of his voice in a recording just sounded <em>wrong </em>to him. Nothing like how he thought he sounded. But such an oddly specific insecurity was no reason for him to be uncomfortable with being recorded, why the hell did he care what these people thought about his voice? Maybe more than he cared to admit.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to start the recording, are you okay with that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Go ahead.” He heard a click as Antonio leaned over to press the button.</p><p> </p><p>“State your name and the date, please for the record.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Feliciano Vargas, third- No, wait. Fourth?” Feliciano looked around, trying to find a calendar or <em>something </em>that could help him out. “What’s the date?” He whispered to Gilbert like a kid in maths class asking for the answers.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s the second.”</p><p> </p><p>“Feliciano Vargas, January second, nineteen-eighty-five.” He said confidently.</p><p> </p><p>“Six.” Gilbert whispered the correction, so it didn’t pick up on the recording.</p><p> </p><p>“Nineteen-eighty-six, I mean. Sorry. New years always gets me confused,” Feliciano said with a sheepish smile. “Do I have to redo it?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I think we’ve got it, pretty normal for people to forget the date, busy lives, and all that,” Gilbert smiled. “I’d just like to ask you a few easy questions to get an idea of your relationship with your brother, what you’ve been doing, all the good stuff. Just give me some idea of what you two are like, you close?” Feliciano nodded enthusiastically. “I need verbal answers.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, right, <em>uh</em>, yes! We’re close, I think,” He rambled. “I like to think we’re close. Sometimes we’ve been through rough patches, but we always get through it, he’s living with my roommate and me while he heals.”</p><p> </p><p>“You work?” Feliciano nodded again. “Verbal please.” Gilbert reminded him. It was like training a dog almost, not too dissimilar to how he was with his dog at least with the constant reminders. He didn’t mind, he was likable enough just a little ditzy.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep, I work. It’s just in an art supply store because the owner liked that I knew about all that stuff. Oh, and sometimes I do some freelancing but that’s not one of those <em>‘real jobs’</em>, that’s what my brother says anyway.” Gilbert found that there was probably a more concise way to say all that than in virtually one mouthful. Talkative wasn’t too bad for this job, talkative people didn’t hold back as much information. But he found that usually led to more useless information that anything that he’d have to weed through later.</p><p> </p><p>“You mentioned rough patches, what were those like and when?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Uh</em>, I’m not sure I know what you’re looking for, can you be more specific? Sometimes I argue with him about little things, but the big things are usually worse.” Gilbert shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t we start by telling me about the big things.” He leaned back, fully expecting more useless information before it got to anything important. But, at the very least, it could get Feliciano to thinking.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, our grandpa died two years ago. Lovino didn’t take it well, they were close.”</p><p> </p><p>“Were you not close to your grandfather?” Feliciano shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it wasn’t like that, it’s just that Lovino was closer. Just before he passed, he gave him his cross but that went missing when Lovino was attacked, I can tell he’s been sad about that. He still thinks about him and if you mention him, he needs some time to be alone after. I’m just happy grandpa wasn’t in any pain, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“And you had some conflict over that?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was mostly residuals, you know. From other things.” Gilbert decided to pivot.</p><p> </p><p>“Other things like Sadik Adnan?” Feliciano’s lips became taut, his face deadly serious.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” He answered simply. His jaw clenched for a second.</p><p> </p><p>“I take it you don’t like him too much.” Feliciano shook his head. “Verba-“</p><p> </p><p>“No, I don’t. He hurt my brother.”</p><p> </p><p>“How did he hurt him?” Feliciano furrowed his brows, thinking about it. He seemed to be irritated over the memory of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Before Lovino lived with him, he had some problems with his temper and maybe he shoplifted and pickpocketed a couple of times when we were younger, but he was never a <em>serious </em>criminal,” Gilbert’s eyebrows raised at how easy Feliciano was to give away all of that. Even Lovino hadn’t told them about all the other petty crimes he’d been involved in. “After he lived with him, he was ruining his life. I told him that he was going to end up, well, here one day. Probably suspected of <em>something </em>horrible but instead, he kept doing what he was doing with Sadik.”</p><p> </p><p>“What was that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Drug dealing, he never did anything with the stuff as far as I know but sell it. That’s still bad all the same. And then whenever Lovino’s temper flared up he used to get into fights with Sadik except Lovino had trouble defending himself. They were both as bad as each other the difference was that Sadik was a lot stronger than him.”</p><p> </p><p>“There was an incident on the seventeenth of March wasn’t there?” Feliciano nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“I decided to take him out for our birthday but when I saw him…” Feliciano looked at the recorder. “Am I allowed to curse?”</p><p> </p><p>“Go ahead.”</p><p> </p><p>“As soon as I saw Sadik I wanted to kill the son of a bitch,” Feliciano said with a surprising amount of aggression. Although, Gilbert could understand that when it came to his brother, he would’ve said the same thing. “I just <em>knew </em>that he’d given him all those ugly marks, he knew Lovino would’ve gotten arrested if he’d gone to anybody – So I just did what he couldn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you’d say he does have a history with violence?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I think if he hadn’t of moved out Sadik would’ve killed him.”</p><p>                                                                                                                                         </p><p>“Were they ever in an intimate relationship?” Feliciano shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t know, it doesn’t matter much to me anyway. Lovino says they were just ‘<em>business partners</em>’,” Feliciano said with air quotes. He rolled his eyes. “But I think he just says that so he can look better about not laying with a guy like Sadik – And he says <em>I </em>have low standards,” Gilbert was surprised by his snappiness over the subject but maybe that was just because he’d already gotten riled up from the discussion around Sadik. “Your brother’s cute, you know? And also not a criminal so I’d say I’ve done well for myself. I mean, not that you’re <em>bad </em>it’s just that Ludwig is so much more-“ Before he could go into all the gritty details of the abundance of things Feliciano found so <em>cute </em>about his little brother he stopped him.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, maybe this has gone a little off track,” Gilbert coughed. “We don’t need to know so much about your connection to the witness.” It was interesting, the obscurity of Sadik and Lovino's relationship. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, sorry. But it’s true,” Feliciano smiled with dreamy eyes. “Kind of a neat freak though, real stiff about that.” He frowned, obviously a point of contention amongst them. But that wasn’t Gilbert’s business right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Is there anybody that you know of that would’ve attacked Lovino on that night? Did he tell you anything, about meeting anybody, seeing someone?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t think of anyone but Sadik. Even then, I don’t know. It’s been three years since they’ve really seen each other, Lovino never talks about him anymore…” He could see the worry on his face. “Just Sadik, I could see him holding a grudge if he really wanted to. He’s all I could think of that I know about.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, that’ll be all for now,” Gilbert pressed the recorder to end the questions.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Grazie.</em> I hope I wasn’t too bad.” Feliciano smiled, although, Gilbert noticed how held back it was compared to before the interview.</p><p> </p><p>“No, you did just fine. Exactly what you should’ve.” <em>Give or take</em>, a bit of a rough start.</p><p> </p><p>“Good… That’s good, can I use the bathroom now?” He nodded, of course, there was never anything stopping him. They always allowed people to use to bathroom lest they have piss puddles from grown men on their floor.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When he was safe from the eyes of police officers, Feliciano checked each of the stalls to make sure he was alone. He’d been told that nobody appreciated a grown man’s tears in public – That was advice his brother gave but they were true. Lovino didn’t need to see him cry because he needed to feel stable after such uncertainty. His jaw tensed when he turned on the sink. All that deep-seated hatred had come to the surface again and he could only hope it didn’t complicate the case.</p><p> </p><p>In a display of his vivid memory of that day, he rubbed his knuckles remembering how much it hurt to punch a man in the face two times his size – It was so incredibly <em>stupid </em>but it felt good. He was already blaming himself for not being there to protect his brother from harm, with the nightmare he realized how hard it was going to be for them to go back to the way it used to be. Lovino had a hard life as is, Feliciano thinking he’d done <em>something </em>to help get him to a stable point in his life and now they had to start all over again. If this was Sadik, all those hard feelings were back.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t even given that man much thought since then but now he was hellbent on making sure someone like him didn’t get away with <em>this</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hey</em>, asshat,” Feliciano immediately began washing his face as originally intended. Trying to pretend he was just freshening up. “I want to go home.” Lovino told him.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you just-“</p><p> </p><p>“Are you crying?” He asked with a distinct annoyance weaved in. Feliciano wiped his face, turning off the sink. An uncontrolled sniffle came from him.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess I am.”                                                                                                     </p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just thinking.” Lovino snickered.</p><p> </p><p>“Thinking makes you cry? Is that why you’re an idiot?” Feliciano unwillingly laughed; he couldn’t seem to stop the few stray tears that had come out after as the emotions became confused.</p><p> </p><p>“You always liked bullying me.” He remarked, standing a little straighter as he tried to compose himself.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s my birthright,” Lovino shrugged. “If you were born a couple of years before me then maybe I’d be the asshole crying in a police station bathroom,” The thought made Feliciano shudder. He couldn’t imagine the roles being reversed. “Just give me your keys and I’ll drive.” He couldn’t complain, it probably wasn’t safe to have him drive anyway. He reached into his pocket and threw him the keys before they lamely fell on the bathroom tile with an echoed crash. Lovino groaned, leaning over.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry.” Feliciano muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“You failed gym, don’t even try.” His brother sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“But I was good at track.” Feliciano reminded him. Even if it made his legs feel like jelly and he never did it long enough to gain any endurance he still got higher marks for it than anything else even if, yes, he did fail gym.</p><p> </p><p>“The only reason you did that was because it doesn’t take skill to run around in a circle,” Lovino snickered before he swung the keychain around his finger. “You were good though; I’ll give you that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, I guess,” Feliciano smiled. “I think I’m ready to go home now, it’s been rough on both of us.” His brother nodded turning around expecting him to follow. He scrambled to try to catch up, going in an awkward jog to get to the door just as it was about to close on him. “Ow.” He said weakly when the door hit his shoulder, but he could see his brother didn’t slow down to check on him. A frown appeared on the corner of his lips as he managed to catch up.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, what’s the rush?” He had to ask.</p><p> </p><p>“I need my medication.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you already took it before we left, you can’t take more than you need, or you’ll become addicted!” Feliciano warned, his brother rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I was unaware you were the one with the ravine running up your body.”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t matter, you have to listen to the doctor. You sound so much like grandpa sometimes.” Lovino avoided eye contact. He didn’t like it when he said that – But it was true, they were more alike than he cared to admit.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever, that’s my prerogative.” Feliciano felt bad, he shouldn’t have said that. But the reminder of grandpa did give him an idea that would definitely make up for everything.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we stop off at the jewelers?” He asked when they pulled the front doors.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a secret.” Feliciano smiled.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you wanna know what Lovino said, it's pretty much the same thing he told Antonio in private, this was mostly to introduce the Feliciano POV that'll occur in the future. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Golden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Shorter chapter but I just cut off chapters when I think they're appropriate to end so *shrug* can't do much about that. I'm sure the next chapter is longer but I'd have to check haha.<br/>Thanks for reading this little thing I'm writing, it's pretty fun to write and gets rid of the stresses of life things, I'm sure everyone needs some of that. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“You done?” Feliciano nodded happily as he stepped into the car. He held a bag in one hand but didn’t explain what was inside. Lovino didn’t care, he just wanted to go home. Having to talk about all his experiences with Sadik – He listened to his brother, but it still felt wrong. He knew the context, they wanted to know the petty criminal he’d lived with not the friend who cracked jokes with him.</p><p> </p><p>"I didn't know they offered to wrap these things too, pretty cool, huh?" Lovino's jaw clenched hearing him talk so nonchalantly. He was too plagued with what had happened to talk in such a carefree way like Feliciano didn't understand just how important this was to him.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you say to them?” Lovino asked, taking the keys out of the ignition.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“What did you say about Sadik in there?”</p><p> </p><p>“Um, whatever they asked. I can’t remember, you shouldn’t be asking me that anyway,” He held up the bag. “I got you something for Christmas, or New Years, or something. A gift. I can give it to you now - <em>or</em> later?” Lovino took Feliciano’s hand and pushed it down, ignoring whatever this gift was.</p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t <em>all </em>bad, was it?” Feliciano sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“You really want to talk about this?” Lovino nodded. “Fine. I hate him – But they’re detectives. They can see that already, I’m sure they’ll take your side into account too.”</p><p> </p><p>“You still… I don’t know, still could’ve at least acted civil.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did – Lovino, you express yourself whenever you want but when I do it you seem to think I’m irrational,” Feliciano frowned. “I did what I had to for <em>you</em>, you’re just too stubborn to accept the help.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t need it.” He said with resentment on the tip of his tongue.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you said this happened a long time ago, so why are you acting like I did this yesterday? It’s done. If he is guilty of this, I won’t hesitate next time.” Lovino scoffed. Like <em>Feliciano </em>could kill a man – He hesitated because he’s not <em>that </em>stupid. He didn’t think his brother had enough hate in his heart to kill anybody. But he found that he shouldn’t think too highly of his little brother, often he set the bar lower and lower with his impulses.</p><p> </p><p>“Even if he isn’t, you’ll still make him out to be some kind of villain. I don’t think he did it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Doesn’t matter, this isn’t our job. It’s theirs,” Feliciano shook his head. “And I don’t want you just walking out like last night. It was dangerous, even after you called, I was still worried.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the one who told me to think about myself, maybe you should too…” Lovino stuck the keys into the ignition.</p><p> </p><p>“Just do what you always do and ignore your problems then, I don’t care.” Feliciano crossed his arms. Of course, he cared, Feliciano cared too much, that was his biggest flaw and he had to know that otherwise, Lovino would theorize he had absolutely no self-awareness.</p><p> </p><p>He pulled out of the parking lot – The car ride becoming awkward when he made his way down the main road. There wasn’t even music on. Feliciano always insisted he find the right channel or put whatever cassette he wanted in to play. Even Lovino’s own car had more of Feliciano’s music than his own.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you get in there?” Lovino gave up the act – Finding the silence too deafening. Feliciano was stubborn though, refusing to acknowledge him. “What did you get in there?” He asked a little louder.</p><p> </p><p>“I heard you. I just think you need some quiet time.” Lovino scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a child,” Feliciano cocked an eyebrow. “Compared to you I’m not.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can believe that.” Lovino couldn’t stand how smug he sounded. When he snuck a glance, he could see the corners of his lips upturned. Even now, he thought he was better than him. Goddamn him.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop that.” Lovino ordered.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“The nose thing,” He gestured vaguely around his nose unable to explain his frustration. “It’s too loud.” Feliciano laughed in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>“What? <em>Breathing</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s too loud. Stop it.”</p><p> </p><p>“You want me to do what you did as a kid?” Lovino furrowed his brows.</p><p> </p><p>“Do what?” Feliciano shifted in his seat, his legs facing closer to Lovino’s direction than away now. Feliciano grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t remember it?” Lovino shook his head. “Whenever you got in trouble with grandpa – How you used to hold your breath when he was telling you off. It was kind of genius.” A smile came across his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I remember that. He never knew what to do other than stop or give me a <em>smack</em>.” He whipped his hand, remembering the sharp pain he’d feel on the back of his legs.</p><p> </p><p>“And then you’d just-“ Feliciano let out a deep, loud gasp of breath. “Like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Still worked, I can’t believe I threatened to just <em>die </em>over something so stupid.” He tried to suppress his smile but it was beginning to crack through in spite of his attempts. Memories like that seemed to be in the very recesses of his mind - When they came back to him they were welcomed for the short while he thought of them.</p><p> </p><p>Feliciano chuckled, “It <em>did </em>work though," He agreed with a grin, "It’s like he just forgot in the panic.”</p><p> </p><p>Lovino sighed, “I was such a little shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“You just got caught,” Feliciano said slyly. “Remember when someone broke into grandpa’s car?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, what about it?” A confused eyebrow raised at the question. It seemed like such a random memory that he hadn’t even though about in so long. When was that? 77’? It was springtime, that much he remembered.</p><p> </p><p>“I was doing tricks with my football and broke the window; I used my jacket to make sure the glass didn’t cut me when I snuck the ball out. Just acted as if nothing had happened and <em>bam</em>. Someone’s broken into the car.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuc- That’s way worse than anything I did!” Lovino exclaimed, feeling cheated. “We went weeks without a car because of you!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I was scared! I didn’t want to be yelled at by grandpa, I would’ve cried.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were like fourteen. Man the fuck up! I can’t believe I copped so much shit. It’s like I didn’t get away with <em>anything</em>.” Out of the two, he got into the most trouble but now he was beginning to question just how much trouble Feliciano <em>could’ve </em>found himself in.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you <em>did </em>shoplift.” Feliciano felt the need to bring up. "You were a menace to society, I was a menace to the family. I think that's different."</p><p> </p><p>“That’s big business, they can spare the change for a chocolate bar or two.” He didn’t even care for chocolates; he knew that he was <em>really </em>taking more than what most would be comfortable with. His point still stood however, they could afford a little theft here and there. Most of the people who owned those types of places lived more comfortably than what he’d ever have in a lifetime.</p><p> </p><p>“You picked pockets.” He pointed out. Lovino rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Bus money.”</p><p> </p><p>“We didn’t take the bus, you know that,” Feliciano chuckled. “I can’t believe you haven’t gone to jail yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yet</em>?” Feliciano shrugged. To be fair, Lovino was surprised too. But he guessed it took getting stabbed and strangled out by a serial killer for any of that to be revealed – Under favorably unfavorable circumstances. He grimaced, somehow, he would’ve just preferred to go to court, get a fine or jail time and be done with it. This was so much worse.</p><p> </p><p>“At least I know I’ll have my big brother in hell with me,” His brother grinned. “Eternity with my best friend!” Lovino groaned.</p><p> </p><p>“That really does sound like hell if you’re there.” Feliciano whined at that, Lovino’s lips turning into a smile. Maybe things wouldn’t so bad.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Never mind. <em>Everything </em>was bad. It was bad because Feliciano had <em>suggested </em>a Christmas-New Years party that was much too late to be any of those, but the idiot didn’t care. He just wanted an excuse he supposed and whenever Feliciano made a suggestion, he usually didn’t have the impulse-control to leave it at a suggestion.</p><p> </p><p>“Kiku! You can invite all your friends too!” Feliciano exclaimed excitedly. His roommate nodded silently, Lovino didn’t even know that guy had friends, but he was always reserved so he never really knew anything about his life. “What about the cute one, huh?” He nudged Kiku’s side who seemed embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>“Mei has a boyfriend now so you can’t do that anymore, not that you should’ve before but…” His face flushed.</p><p> </p><p>“Do what?” Lovino sighed, his brother could be a real smooth brain.</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t even met her, and I feel sorry for her.” He shook his head, Feliciano looked confused, looking between Kiku and him. All Lovino did in response was cross his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Alright, </em>but I wouldn’t mind if they both came, Kiku! The more the merrier,” Feliciano grinned. “What about you?” He turned to Lovino.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have friends. You know that.” He said with a sour expression.</p><p> </p><p>“What if I invited Gilbert and Antonio? You hang out with them all the time now!” Lovino sputtered.</p><p> </p><p>“Wha- They’re working on the case; besides, I’ve only met them like what? Three times now?” He furrowed his brows at the vastly inappropriate suggestion. “And Gilbert is related to that idiot on TV.” He shook his head, that didn't even matter. They wouldn't even come if they were invited - That was just <em>wrong </em>to buddy up with them like they <em>weren't </em>integral to a case involving a serial killer.</p><p> </p><p>“Ludwig isn’t an idiot,” Feliciano pouted. “He’s a student! I bet he's real good at it too.” He said with a dreamy expression. It made him sick just to see such a lovestruck look, they weren't even going steady he bet. Feliciano didn't go steady with anyone - Even if he liked them plenty, Lovino wasn't even sure his brother even had the attention span for something like that. </p><p> </p><p>“Plenty of idiots with money make it through university. Just because you can’t fathom going to school again doesn’t make the ones who can any smarter.” He deadpanned, watching his brother’s face turn sour.</p><p> </p><p>“God, you’re so negative,” Feliciano complained. “But I’ve got the Bee Gees to keep me uplifted.” He said, pushing himself off the couch with a skip in his step. Lovino could only predict that he was going to put said musicians on grandpa’s old record player. It was one of the things Lovino was slightly jealous Feliciano got to first – That old thing has been around since before him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s like you never left high school.” Lovino rolled his eyes, getting off from his perch at the kitchen table.</p><p> </p><p>Feliciano snickered, “Got to stay young forever you know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just don’t turn it up too loud, I’m going to bed.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned to Kiku, “Never been a fan,” Feliciano explained. “Don’t take more medication.” He warned Lovino, he paid no mind. He’d take whatever he needed, and he needed a lot more than painkillers.</p><p> </p><p>He was much happier when he was finally in his room, getting into his pajamas. He noticed when he got his sweatpants on that his gut began to stab at him – Every little action after hurting. Even with his brother’s advice, he knew his brother also didn’t understand it, he was already dealing with enough going around in his head let alone physical pain to go along with it. For a second, he hesitated, he called that his consideration for his brother before he went straight to the bedside table where he was trusted to be responsible with his pills. It was just this once after all – Who cares?</p><p> </p><p>With perfect timing for Lovino to just open the prescription bottle, Feliciano opened the door. He paused as he was caught red-handed. Instead of getting mad, Feliciano just smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“I knew you wouldn’t listen to me,” He walked across the room to pluck the pills from Lovino’s hands, who sighed with defeat. Feliciano tapped his temple with the bottle. “Can’t fool me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever – You don’t even know how many times you’ve been fooled,” Lovino put a hand to his abdomen as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “It hurts though, I’ve never felt anything like it…” It was a pain that couldn’t be fixed easily, and it was unavoidable at this stage of his recovery, he couldn’t wait for the last stretch of healing where it would be nothing but scarring.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll get you a heat pack. It won’t fix it, but it’ll be better than taking too many of these,” Feliciano rattled the bottle. It wasn’t until now that Lovino even noticed what was in his other hand, a small box, neatly wrapped. It looked like Feliciano noticed the staring as he sat down beside him. “I know you don’t like opening things in front of people. But this is what I got for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Lovino tentatively took the box from Feliciano as he handed it to him. His eyes darted to his little brother’s anticipating face.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you said you knew I don’t like opening things in front of people.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, <em>I</em> like to watch people open presents – Nothing you could possibly say could hurt me at this point.” Feliciano shrugged. Of course, Lovino shook his head, he couldn’t complain too much because at least it was just him. He was too stupid to know it was better to just leave him alone. Probably the only one who was <em>that </em>stupid.</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, fiddling with the wrapping which was more tape than decoration before he finally popped the lid off. It took a while for him to realize what it was. His jaw clenched and unclenched before he pulled on the chain, lifting it to get a better look. The cross on the end swung slightly before he set it down on his other hand. He flipped it around, inspecting every golden edge of it. There was no engraving on the back but Lovino appreciated that more, it wasn’t trying to pretend to be something it wasn’t, it was just something to make his neck feel less light.</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t find one exactly the same but…” Feliciano paused as if he’d said too much. Lovino put the cross back into the box, closing it. “Oh, I’m sorry.” He said as if he already assumed Lovino wouldn’t like it. There had been plenty of lousy gifts that he’d gotten from Feliciano before but this one wasn’t one of them – It was necessary. At least until the original could be found if at all, he didn’t want to think about losing something that was so precious to him even if it was just materialistic. It was more than that, even if it seemed silly.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s fine,” He tried to refrain from frowning too much. “It’s better than fine. Thanks,” Lovino glanced to his side, seeing Feliciano’s worried stare, completely focused on his face. “You waiting for a kiss or something?” Feliciano leaned back a little, realizing how nosey he was being.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I just can’t tell if you like it or not.”</p><p> </p><p>Lovino rolled his eyes, “You’re so needy,” He took the box off the bed and opened it again, taking the chain in his hands. Unclipping the ends, he reached around behind his neck, putting it on. “I’ll wear it the same as the old one.” Feliciano breathed a sigh of relief.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, thank God! I thought you wouldn’t speak to me for weeks!” His brother didn’t even hesitate to throw his arms around him in a tight embrace, Lovino struggled to pluck him off.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, alright! <em>Christ</em>, it’s fine, I already said thanks,” He noticed the excitement on Feliciano’s face despite his dismissal. “You’re going to miss your favorite song if you keep sitting here bothering me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Right,” Feliciano stood up in a scatter. “Don’t take more medication.” He said with a finger waggle – Lovino didn’t need it so much now that he was distracted.</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t… Thank you.” He said honestly. Feliciano shot him a brief smile before he was gone, just like that. He twiddled the cross with his fingertips, wondering why he was being so sentimental about such a thing. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t grandpas but what it meant to him was more than just that, somehow. It made him miss the times before all of this when he was just another waste of space without a direction, it was like a second chance that he wasn’t sure he wanted. A damn cross brought out all of <em>this</em>. He needed rest from this, but he was unsure if he’d have another nightmare, the same nightmare.</p><p> </p><p>It was something he did hope that this cross protected him from, but he knew better than to get his hopes up. It would happen again. And again. However long it took.</p><p> </p><p>He let out a shaky sigh, rubbing his face of stress. That’s all this was, everything was stressful, and not even sleep could remove him of it. That was perhaps the worst curse of them all. His eyes made his sleep deprivation obvious and he knew it would only get worse the longer this went on.</p><p> </p><p>Throwing the covers up, he slipped underneath and put a hand over the cross as if to <em>beg </em>whoever was up there to just let him sleep. Just one night. But even divine intervention didn’t seem like enough, he’d never been spiritual despite all the times he spent praying as a kid, another thing that he couldn’t maintain that he used to enjoy. Another thing that didn’t make him feel worthy of having this second chance at life compared to the rest.</p><p> </p><p>With these bitter thoughts in mind, he tried to roll over with the covers up to his chin to keep him comfortable with eyes shut tight, trying to escape.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>He had failed and he knew it the second he woke up in a sweat - The same awful nightmare with only a golden cross to give him any comfort to go back to sleep again.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Attraction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I forgot to put this in but,</p><p>CW: Dubious power/authority dynamics</p><p>Kinda whack but I'm doing my best to not make this look like a sparkly relationship. You'll see.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Sadik Adnan, sixth of January nineteen-eighty-six.” He said with ease. Gilbert knew he already knew the drill, but this time it would be a little different.</p><p> </p><p>“Quite hard to find, aren’t you? Searched the city top to bottom until we found that car of yours,” Sadik didn’t reply, instead, he just mocked him with his shit-eating grin. Gilbert sighed, not wanting to do this on a Saturday but knowing that this could be a breakthrough. “Alright, we’ll start off with where you were the night of the seventeenth.”</p><p> </p><p>“Out.” Vague as ever. This is how he got out of most of his charges, always being charged with a lesser crime.</p><p> </p><p>“Out where, exactly?” Gilbert asked more specifically. Sadik didn’t shift in the slightest. He was even smiling with his completely comfortable state. Gilbert was just glad that Antonio wasn’t in the room right now to get pissed off at that smug face, but he could imagine that face behind the glass seething.</p><p> </p><p>“A bar I can’t seem to remember where though. You’d know how it is, I see you around sometimes.” All he needed was for him to say <em>which </em>bar. He really didn't want to pull out the immunity – But if he had to just to find out more on the murder cases that was a risk he was willing the take.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know Lovino Vargas?” He asked straightforwardly. It seemed to take Sadik off guard as he dropped the smirk. His eyes were wide beneath his hood.</p><p> </p><p>“Lovino? I’ve run into him a couple of times but haven’t talked to him in almost four years.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that your answer?” Gilbert prodded. “You haven’t talked to him at all, including the night of the seventeenth at a bar called <em>The Backdoor</em>?” Sadik uncrossed his arms, sitting silently for a long period of time. The clock ticked by at an agonizing rate.</p><p> </p><p>“What is this for?” Sadik asked suspiciously.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you already know that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t. Enlighten me.” Gilbert expected that, sitting back.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you talk to him about?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing I can remember,” He waited, staring at the clock as Sadik groaned. “You’re giving me the silent treatment again? Come on, come up with something new.”</p><p> </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>Sadik had reached his breaking point, “Just tell me what this is about.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know Feliks Łukasiewicz?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Did </em>I know?” Sadik sighed. “Yes. But it was inevitable – He was at the places I was dealing. Shitty way to go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tino Väinämöinen?”</p><p> </p><p>“Same story. He wasn’t a customer though and I barely knew about him, if he hadn’t died I wouldn’t even remember him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Matthew Williams?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t remember-“ Gilbert held up a hand. Pulling out a picture.</p><p> </p><p>“Him,” Gilbert pointed. “You would’ve seen him, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know- Maybe.” Sadik relented.</p><p> </p><p>“His brother said he didn’t mind a bit of recreation, was he a customer?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Maybe</em>, I don’t remember everyone by name.”</p><p> </p><p>“But there’s a picture right in front of you of Matthew Williams. You don’t need to know his name; I’ve just told you. What about his face?” Gilbert pressured. “You knew him too, didn’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yes</em>, sure, but that doesn’t mean anything. Are you saying I killed these people? Are you-“ Sadik paused. “Does that mean Lovino is gone too?”</p><p> </p><p>“Is he?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.” Sadik said with a noticeable shake in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“You used to live with him. Liked to throw him around a little, was it because you liked to take your anger out on someone who you knew wouldn’t be able to come to us?”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you know tha-“</p><p> </p><p>“Let me finish, you’ve had a bad track record with the Vargas brothers. Mostly Lovino of course but Feliciano as well?”</p><p> </p><p>“I did but…“</p><p> </p><p>“But he kicked your ass, didn’t he?” Sadik shook his head and sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes but no hard feelings.” He even chuckled at the memory. <em>Damn</em>, Gilbert thought.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure? How did you feel about it then?”</p><p> </p><p>“You can ask him; I didn’t even pursue him – I <em>could’ve </em>but I didn’t. I don’t hold grudges.” Gilbert smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve talked to Dr.Abelsson and Hercales Karpusi many times before, they say you hold grudges plenty. Come on, we know each other too well at this point for you to make up things like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“They’ve <em>both </em>screwed me over, okay? The only reason I’ve ever gotten caught is because of them.” Ah, yes. Dr.Abelsson was just doing his job reporting him, Karpusi was most of the reason why Sadik ever ended up in this room.</p><p> </p><p>“And now Feliciano had aired out your dirty laundry, how do you feel about that?” Sadik remained silent but he could see his face twitch ever so slightly at the idea. Of course, it was a lie but to Gilbert, it was enough reason to continue. “You sometimes get violent, don’t you? I get it, it’s not easy to control your temper, I’m sure Lovino did wrong by you but I need you to tell me what he did to set you off.”</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t seen him in over three years how the hell am I supposed to know?”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve established you were there in the same place on the same night, <em>talking </em>to him. We know that. What were you talking to him about?”</p><p> </p><p>“I just… I was only asking him if he needed a ride home.” He said sheepishly.</p><p> </p><p>“Where did you go?” Sadik shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“He didn’t want it, so I left. He was drunk – Really drunk. He’s a lightweight,” His hands reached up to rub his face. Sighing deeply into his hands, he saw him swallow a lump in his throat. It was a reaction Gilbert wasn’t expecting. But he wondered whether it was genuine or not. “I don’t know what happened after that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You walked outside together.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s it. That’s all I did. He said he was getting home by himself.”</p><p> </p><p>“I find that hard to believe.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s true!” Sadik growled.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s true you let him go home by himself, in the dark, drunk?” Gilbert cocked an eyebrow, refusing to back down.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, it is.” His voice was confident. He sighed. The conviction in Sadik’s voice was making the chance of some kind of confession slim to none.</p><p> </p><p>“What are we going to find in your car?” He asked but the hope was to find some indication that Lovino or any of the other victims were there. A confession would be better, easier. But Sadik didn’t seem the type to just give up and confess, he was slippery.</p><p> </p><p>“Not much to do with this case – I can assure you of that. You’re bullshitting and you know it.” Sadik crossed his arms. Gilbert tapped his finger against the table, looking to the clock. This could take anything from seven minutes or seven hours long and he was starting to think that it would be the latter.</p><p> </p><p>“It was a question I had to ask,” Gilbert tried to calm him down, knowing that it would do little to do anything. “Do you watch the news, Sadik?” He shook his head. “Read the news?”</p><p> </p><p>“I have my own life to focus on, I don’t care about that. Sometimes I hear people talking.” He shrugged, he was still tense in the shoulders and clearly suspicious of Gilbert’s intentions.</p><p> </p><p>“Hearing people talk seems like a nice way to live – Don’t need to care so much about strangers.” Sadik nodded. He could envy him, Gilbert probably ended up caring too much about other people, what they thought of him, what they said about him, what <em>they </em>were doing. Both nosey and lacking confidence.</p><p> </p><p>“Might have told me about <em>this</em>. Lovino was a friend.” Sadik’s eyes averted, looking to the ground, refusing to show his face. But his voice was low, saddened. Gilbert almost felt bad for him before remembering that it could still be possible, he knew more. There wasn’t much to work off of, but he was the last person to see him.</p><p> </p><p>“What was your relationship with him back in 1982? Rumors got around to me. It seemed like there were some <em>suspicions</em> about your friendship.” Sadik groaned.</p><p>                                                                </p><p>“I’m not like that, queers are just so easy to sell too around those underground spaces. Even Lovino knew that, but he never did any of that shit around me. He could get along with women just fine. They even liked him more than me,” He laughed as Gilbert nodded along, perhaps some of the gossip was just Feliciano’s suspicions. “Roommates, <em>friends</em>, whatever you call it.” Sadik waved his hand nonchalantly.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s clear you were close, despite the… <em>Complications</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Sadik nodded with a bitter frown, “I… I have my regrets from back then. I really screwed things up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you have anything that you wanted to tell me about?” Sadik sighed. “Even recently?”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t understand, Lovino was <em>fucked up </em>last time I saw him. I’ve seen him like that before, but he was just real bad, falling all over himself. Seemed like he was having a rough day or something. Maybe just a rough life, I don’t know…”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve all done things we regret; <em>I’ve </em>done plenty of things. But even if you didn’t intend to do anything you can tell us. We won’t judge you; we know how Lovino was. You <em>do </em>know that.” Gilbert tried to make a last-ditch effort to elicit <em>anything </em>out of him. Instead, all he got was anger, his face contorting into something so passionate he was sure that it was completely real.</p><p> </p><p>“Just what the fuck are you implying? That Lovino <em>deserved </em>this?” Sadik stood up, Gilbert standing as well with his hands held out.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait a second, man, you need to sit down-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em>No</em>! I didn’t do <em>shit</em> to him, the worst thing I did to him was let him leave and now he’s gone, and you’re blaming <em>him</em>!” Sadik shouted, murder in his eyes. “I knew pigs were bastards but you’re the worst of the lot!” <em>No</em>, he was wrong. It wasn’t just murder, there were tears. Gilbert shook his head, the guilt eating him up now. “What? What are you going to do now? Are you going to lock me up for this? Because I’m so <em>violent</em> <em>four</em><em> years ago</em>?! I was just trying to-”</p><p> </p><p>“Lovino isn’t dead.”</p><p> </p><p>Sadik paused, “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“He isn’t dead and… Right now, I can’t tell you anything more,” Gilbert sighed, turning off the recording. “Take a break. We need it.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“What was <em>that</em>?” Antonio asked as soon as Gilbert entered the small room. “You told him? You took a <em>break</em>? What’s gotten into you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think it’s him. We haven’t got anything on him.” He looked through the glass. Now that was a man who had been through hell sitting at that table, he could see it all over Sadik’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yet</em>, you should’ve just let him keep talking, angry people confess.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’d only confess if we beat it out of him, even then it wouldn’t matter.” Gilbert pointed out.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever works.” Antonio grumbled. Gilbert swung his chair around, so Antonio was facing him.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you seriously prefer a wrongful confession from an innocent person that from one that came from someone still at large, that could do this again and <em>again</em>? He didn’t do it. We have to move on.” He decided.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t get to make that kind of call; his investigation isn’t over.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, neither do you – But I haven’t seen anything that definitively <em>proves </em>anything. Whatever he did four years ago has obviously been buried in the past for him.”</p><p> </p><p>“There is no such thing as <em>obviously</em> – There is no <em>obvious anything </em>in this case otherwise this would’ve been closed years ago!” The frustration was shared by Gilbert. “I can’t watch this train wreck.” He decided, getting up and moving past Gilbert like he wasn’t even there.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you have to-“</p><p> </p><p>“Get Francis to sit here – Not like he does anything anyway.” He stood, stunned as Antonio walked out the door. The sounds of typing and phone calls echoing through the hallway and into the very room Gilbert had been left in.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Parties weren’t something Lovino found much joy participating in. Especially not Feliciano’s, they looked like something their grandpa would throw when they were little kids – He could hear his grandfather in his brother’s choice of music. Sixties and Seventies hits and drunken laughter was a familiar soundtrack to their childhoods. It didn’t matter how old he got in the end, he was always young at heart and that seemed to be the fast lane that Feliciano preferred. Lovino probably fit closer to the ditch on the side of that fast lane.</p><p> </p><p>Oh well, he met Mei. She really was cute; Feliciano was right for once. Avoided everybody else though by sitting in the kitchen. It was a small apartment though, so it was probably hard for him to go unnoticed, everybody probably just decided he wasn’t interesting enough to interact with and avoided him equally as much.</p><p> </p><p>A knock at the door also seemed to go unnoticed – The music was so loud Lovino fully expected to have a noise complaint to deal with right now. Rolling his eyes and dragging his feet, he decided to be the one to give whoever was outside a chance to state their case. When he pulled the front door open just enough to see who was outside, he saw a familiar face.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi!” Antonio exclaimed cheerfully. He was in street clothes, none of that suit business. Just… Normal. <em>God does he have an ugly style</em>, Lovino thought. Cosby Show-style sweater that Lovino just wanted to <em>burn</em>, he didn’t care how “in” it was. At least his jeans were nice. Not too loose.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know you dealt with noise complaints, detective,” Lovino frowned. “I’ll tell those idiots to turn it down,” Antonio slipped his hand in the door as he closed it, trapping it and causing the man on the other end to yelp. “What the fuck, have you got brain damage?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not working right now! I’m not working…“ Antonio explained before rubbing his hand. “I got a phone call before leaving the office. Your brother invited me.” Stunned, Lovino looked behind him before narrowing his eyes at his brother across the apartment. He didn’t see him but Lovino wanted to kick his face in. He turned back to Antonio, extremely suspicious.</p><p> </p><p>“Surely this is breaking some kind of code of conduct.” The off-duty detective shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Probably, but only if anybody finds out.” His carefree attitude to such a violation didn’t go over well with Lovino. Mostly because this was probably why those kinds of rules existed – It blurred the lines between personal life and active investigation. Lovino didn’t think that he could deal with that kind of stress right now.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure that’s how that works,” A scowl took over Lovino’s face. “Besides, he’s playing the Bee Gees so might as well leave to save you your ears.”</p><p> </p><p>“I loved the Bee Gees in school!” Antonio grinned. Of course, Lovino trusted this idiot to have such a bad taste in music. He expected nothing less, “Can I come in and have a listen? I don’t drink much but…” He sighed, looking at those emerald eyes behind a dumb face. A complete idiot for someone who was supposed to solve his crime, the one that left him with those awful nightmares.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever just don’t bother me. Close the door behind you.” Lovino left the door ajar for Antonio to come in. He was unhappy with his brother’s poor decision – But he was even more unhappy that someone with Antonio’s credibility <em>accepted</em>. The last thing he wanted was that fool interrupting his personal life. The only safe space with that regard was his room. At least there he could pretend that this wasn’t happening.</p><p> </p><p>But even that wasn’t sacred. As soon as he opened his bedroom door he realized that he would have to be doing the laundry – No, he would have <em>burn </em>the sheets because there would be no other explanation for the rustling under the covers to be happening unless there were intruders. He didn’t want to investigate any further, so he simply shut the door and leaned against it. A deep and frustrated sigh left his lips as the feeling in the pit of his stomach was making him feel ill. That feeling that he’d just witnessed something that would be permanently etched into his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, <em>umm</em>.” Lovino gave Antonio an intense staredown.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want?” He kept a keen eye on Antonio’s face as he saw the embarrassment grace his features.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, this place isn’t exactly that big,” Antonio laughed breathlessly. “Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah but you had to of followed me to catch up so fast,” Lovino pointed out. Antonio held up a bottle of beer, shaking it, “What about it?”</p><p> </p><p>“I got one of these, I couldn’t have followed you if I stopped by to pick one up from the cooler. I have an airtight alibi,” He chuckled, Lovino only smiled because it caught him off guard. “Haven’t seen that before.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Smiling. Grinning if I was being generous…” It was obvious that Lovino didn’t agree. “Alright, not generous then… So, what’re you doing out here?”</p><p> </p><p>“I live here.” He deadpanned.</p><p> </p><p>“No, of course, but in the hallway?” He left a couple of silent beats before he sighed, pointing behind him with his thumb.</p><p> </p><p>“I think there’s a nature documentary going on in there. That’s my room,” Antonio seemed confused. “<em>Fucking</em>.” A knowing look came across the detective’s face. It made him wonder once again how he became a detective in the first place with his naïve demeanor.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a shame,” He looked around. “Want to get out of here then?” Flabbergasted, Lovino had to do a double-take.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p> </p><p>Antonio shrugged, “You just seem uncomfortable. That’s all… Bored too.”</p><p> </p><p>“You just got here. Besides, I’m a whole lot more uncomfortable being around a cop.”</p><p> </p><p>“Eh, I <em>could </em>be pretentious and correct you by saying '<em>detective'</em>.” Lovino didn’t find it very funny.</p><p> </p><p>“Right, well, I don’t think it’s appropriate you’re even here,” He shook his head. “And you <em>are </em>drinking. Piss drink too, Feliciano doesn’t even like that shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“One bottle never hurt anybody… Badly,” Antonio smiled. “It’s fine, I’ll stay out of your hair. You look like you’ve had a bad day as well.” He wasn’t sure if that was an insult or not, his day had been just fine. But it made him feel guilty – He had a tough job. Lovino would be lucky if he could even return to work after temporary leave. He was just lazy at this point, unable to do anything too strenuous while people like Antonio were out there solving murders. It was God’s work really, unsung angels.</p><p> </p><p>With a sigh, he relented, “Wait, I’ll go... Where to?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I didn’t think I’d get this far.” He admitted. Lovino fumbled with his words.</p><p> </p><p>“W-Well, you did. So where to? I can use Feliciano’s car since it’s probably a bad look for a detective to drive with a bottle.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, my car works perfectly fine.” Lovino scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“You want to go anywhere or not? My brother’s car is a piece of shit but it’s red so that had to count for something.” Antonio shook his head jovially.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, alright then. I suppose it does count for something.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“This is where you wanted to go?” Lovino asked, laying back against the car seat. There was only a streetlight to light the area up. Antonio hummed. “May I ask <em>why</em>? Kind of insensitive to take me of all people to a dimly lit, <em>isolated </em>area.” He joked.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I mean, technically you took <em>me </em>here since you drove.” Lovino rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever, you still told me where to go.” He felt a prod at his arm, turning to see Antonio offering him a drink.</p><p> </p><p>“Last bit left.” He shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t, medication. And I don’t feel like drinking that shit…” His first thought was of what Feliciano would say to him if he had so much as an <em>ounce </em>of alcohol on his breath. Antonio shrugged, drinking the last sip and putting the bottle down into the cupholder. “You never answered my question.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t remember it.” He responded.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a real goldfish, you know? I asked why you told me to come here? Looks like the kind of place you’d shoot up heroin.” Antonio chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>“You know I had a lot of arrests around here when I was younger so that might not be too far from the truth.” Lovino became unsettled, locking the car door beside him at that information.</p><p> </p><p>“Real suspicious of you. But an idiot like you wouldn’t have it in you to hurt a fly,” It was unnerving how silent it got. “What? Am I sitting next to Jack the Ripper or something? Was he a Spaniard?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no,” Antonio smiled, “Just thinking. It’s pretty stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shoot.” It seemed like Antonio hadn’t expected that. He struggled to start before laughing awkwardly.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it’s just – When I was a kid, I had this dog. Curly hair.” He waggled his finger in a circle.</p><p> </p><p>“Like yours?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, his was much curlier and messier. Cute thing. Couldn’t have been any older than a puppy when I got him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did he have a name?” Surprisingly, Antonio shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I had <em>just </em>gotten him. I begged my parents for him, so I was so excited I guess I’d forgotten a name… It didn’t matter much anyway. He didn’t even make it to see the next day.” Lovino frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“He died. I still feel bad about it, I was, what? Couldn’t be more than ten years old… We had this lake near our house. Sometimes I went swimming there. I took him out there and thought dogs just knew how to swim so I brought him with me and…”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, shit, not your fault. You were a stupid kid… I guess it was your fault then, but you know what I mean…” Lovino’s half-hearted attempt at reassurance didn’t help much. He knew he wasn’t so good at that kind of thing, especially for something so dark. Kind of unexpected from someone like Antonio.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d never seen anything die before that. I think I cried, maybe. I was probably just too shocked to see such a helpless thing just <em>go</em>,” He frowned. “It was so fast too – I could barely know it had even happened.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that was a long time ago.”</p><p> </p><p>“I still think about it sometimes though. Like I said, it’s stupid. I like animals too much I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“Guess we’ve all got some kind of traumatic memory from childhood,” He smiled. “Mine is my grandpa hitting on a whole lot of young ladies. Even then I knew it was a line – They didn’t seem to mind though. Always saw them at his little parties…” Antonio snickered. “Seriously! Do you know how weird it is to call a woman who is only ten years older than you ‘<em>grandma</em>’? He got around, even in his old age.” Antonio was grinning.</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t actually call them grandma though, did you?” Lovino scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, I had to! A new <em>Nonna </em>every month. That’s what it felt like,” Lovino shook his head, dampening his smile. “I don’t know, I guess that Feliciano and I just had an odd childhood in general though. You’re always the weird kid if your parents are dead. Well, I was, Feliciano did just fine. People just pitied him and doted on him – All that crap. He could probably make any shitty situation better.”</p><p> </p><p>“Doesn’t feel good, does it?” Antonio posited.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it doesn’t – How’d you know?” He smiled at Lovino, it felt warm. “You know, I think I know already. I don’t see you making many friends.”</p><p> </p><p>“What makes you say that?” He didn’t even seem offended; he was just earnest. Lovino thought that had told him everything already.</p><p> </p><p>“A bit of a dope, maybe you could be a class clown or something but otherwise I don’t see you being particularly good at anything.” Antonio hissed, drawing his attention to the passenger side.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s harsh.” Lovino shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s true. If you’re just average at everything in school, you don’t have many opportunities to make friends. Feliciano had his art classes, he had track, he was pretty good at mathematics too. He wasn’t bitter like me,” Lovino snorted at a memory. “You know, he told me that he was jealous of <em>me </em>one time. Because sometimes he just wanted to blend in. I just wanted the opposite so I just couldn’t understand him."</p><p> </p><p>“I guess you always want what you can’t have.” Lovino hummed in agreement, nodding. When he looked out, he could barely see a thing. The only light wasn’t very good at comforting him. The crickets sounding too close to frogs the way they carried on.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you any closer than you were yesterday to finding who did this?” He had to ask; it was just about the only thing that had been on his mind lately.</p><p> </p><p>“We had Sadik in today but… Gilbert doesn’t think he did anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t say – Or maybe I just shouldn’t tell you. Either one of those.” Lovino huffed. He hated such vague answers.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to assume you disagree with Gilbert.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why? What do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>He shifted his attention to outside, “I don’t know. Feliciano <em>says </em>he’s being fair, but I think he’s convinced he did something…”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what Feliciano thinks, not you.” Antonio pointed out. He sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think he would’ve hurt me,” He said in one honest breath. “Not after so long.”</p><p> </p><p>“Would you have it in you to testify if there was enough evidence against him?” Lovino furrowed his brows at the question. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He didn’t think about actually having to confront the person who did this at trial. In a courtroom. Full of people. The thought unsettled him, having to look at someone he remembered having so many good times with.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to but…” He frowned. “I can’t think too much about what <em>I </em>want anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Families?” Lovino nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“My brother told me to look out for myself. He’s only ever been selfish when it comes to me – Maybe because we’re all we have.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s understandable…” Antonio smiled. “But maybe a little bit of both is good. You don’t want to end up having some kind of mental break over thinking about others too much but you also don’t want to hurt other people more than they already have been.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s easier said than done, it’s like every night I have some mental break,” He laughed bitterly. “I can’t sleep, I get nightmares, wake up all the time… All of that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it the same kind of nightmares?” Lovino nodded, Antonio seemed to relax – He hadn’t noticed how stiff he seemed.</p><p> </p><p>“The exact same one. Nothing changes so I don’t know why I get so worked up over it… I hope it goes away soon.” He looked to Antonio for some form of comfort. Some idea of when this would all end. But he got nothing. His face was just as blank as his was.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s hope then.” Antonio responded, finally. It wasn’t enough to just hope, Lovino knew that, but at least it was something uplifting instead of the pessimism that he often clung to in these situations.</p><p> </p><p>“We should go back; Feliciano will be freaking out by now.”</p><p> </p><p>Antonio’s eyebrows raised, “Oh? You didn’t tell him?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, you idiot, I left with you. But he has a keen eye – He’ll see I’m not lurking around.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, alright,” Antonio smiled. “Let’s not keep him too worried. I’ll have to apologize for stealing you.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Tch</em>, don’t even worry about it. I’ll get my ear chewed off either way.” He scoffed. A soft laugh coming from the detective. It was lifted, light, airy, genuine, charming... As he turned on the ignition, he had a terribly inappropriate thought. <em>Attractive</em>.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oop-</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Prejudice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>In the hallway just outside his bedroom, Lovino bumped into a familiar face that he wished he didn’t have to see. It was surreal to see someone who he had only really heard about but never really met one on one. Well, they <em>had </em>met but this time he wasn’t covered in his own blood screaming.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh – I… Nice to meet you,” Ludwig stumbled on his words, holding out a hand. “I’m-“</p><p> </p><p>“I know who you are,” Lovino said sourly. “What’re you doing in my house?”</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t this Feliciano and Kiku’s-“ He cut him off with a hand. He politely shut up, giving up on his question to listen to Lovino. What a doormat for such a large guy.</p><p> </p><p>“It is but I’m here too. So, it’s mine by default as well – Temporarily…” He crossed his arms rather childishly. “What are you doing here?”</p><p> </p><p>His face flushed, Lovino rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You were at the party and you just decided to stay?” Ludwig nodded, Lovino didn’t want to know all the gritty details. It was clear he had emerged from Feliciano’s room. “I thought you had assignments or some shit, kid.” Ludwig frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m twenty.” Lovino’s eyes widened before he began to snicker.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, okay, <em>kid</em>,” He began to wonder if his brother was a cradle snatcher – He really was like grandpa. “Why don’t you go home and finish your homework?”</p><p> </p><p>“The semester hasn’t started yet,” Ludwig frowned – Lovino wasn’t sure why the loser seemed so hurt. “It’s good to see you doing well, at least.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm, well, could be better.”</p><p> </p><p>“Feliciano sometimes tells me about you, how you’re doing…” He shook his head. “Sorry.” Lovino had to raise an eyebrow at him. Strange fellow – If he knew anything about his brother it was that he wasn’t so reserved and polite. Gilbert was honestly kind of an asshole, but he wasn’t a pansy like Ludwig was acting.</p><p> </p><p>“Ludwig! What’s taking so long?” Feliciano popped his head out the doorway, “Oh! Morning!”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t tell me this idiot would be here,” Lovino scolded. “I would’ve shielded my eyes from his ugly face.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be so rude!” Feliciano scolded back but Ludwig stopped him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, I don’t mind the insults, he doesn’t mean anything by them.” He frowned, dead serious.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I meant every word.” Ludwig shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t really hurt much. They’re not very good.” Feliciano chuckled, Lovino going red with anger.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever, you go back to your boyfriend, I need a coffee.” He grimaced.</p><p> </p><p>“We- We’re not – <em>Uh</em>…” Ludwig seemed rather embarrassed, but Feliciano was carefree as ever.</p><p> </p><p>“We haven’t got much of a clear line here – Ludwig likes to make things complicated.” It was clear that this was something that Lovino didn’t want to get involved in. He didn’t care for other people’s relationships that much and when it came to Feliciano it probably didn’t matter anyway. Usually, they were gone by the next time he met them.</p><p> </p><p>He stared at the two before rolling his eyes, “I don’t give a shit, fuckbuddies then.” He said before walking away from this little confused relationship.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Um</em>, excuse <em>you</em>,” Feliciano called out, offended. “Friends with benefits is a much nicer term!”</p><p> </p><p>“The only reason you’re behind that door is because you’re naked and you suck at hiding it!” Lovino yelled back, ready to drown himself in a cup of coffee or maybe two.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Hey, I’m sorry,” Feliciano sighed. “He’s kind of a dick.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s really fine. I didn’t expect him to have it in him so soon after…” He saw Ludwig’s face change into something more saddened. It was strange to see him like this – Usually, he only stuck to one of two emotions at one time. It was either he kept up a wall of strength or frustration. This was one too many emotions at once. “Can you put on some clothes, please?” He requested, a face of pink. Feliciano looked down before smiling at Ludwig.</p><p> </p><p>“What? It’s nothing you haven’t seen! If anything, you’re overdressed.” Ludwig’s face didn’t change as he still continued to avert his eyes. If there was one thing that Feliciano could say about him with confidence it was that he was a prude to a fault. He humoured him though, picking up his pants and underwear, throwing them on.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Ludwig said as Feliciano pulled his underwear back on. “I wasn’t really expecting him to be like that.” He admitted.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I <em>tried </em>to warn you,” Feliciano laughed. “But I can see how you’d be a little stumped. I didn’t exactly tell you <em>how </em>different we are…” Something was bothering him as he pulled his jeans up, fiddling with the zipper. “He wouldn’t admit that you helped him in the hospital and still hasn’t so I’ll do it for him.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing, I was just…” He thought for a moment. “I thought he was you for a second. I think that scared me even more.” Feliciano paused.</p><p> </p><p>“Me?” Feliciano’s attention had been gained, lifting his head from his buttoned-up jeans to focus on him. Ludwig nodded. “Oh, I’m really sorry,” He frowned, rubbing his neck. It was an odd situation for him, he acted differently than before. Ludwig had been thoroughly rattled up and Feliciano was just trying to fit everything back together like normal. “I didn’t think about that – I would’ve been scared too if I were you.” It only made him frustrated by his brother’s distinct antagonism.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s the one who was hurt,” It was something that didn’t really need to be said and Feliciano just found it a distraction. “So I’m fine in comparison.”</p><p> </p><p>Feliciano smiled, turning to place both hands on the sides of Ludwig’s face, “I can’t tell whether you’re the smartest person I know or the silliest.”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you mean?” Feliciano scoffed, removing his hands and putting them on his hips as if to admire the cluelessness he displayed.</p><p> </p><p>“They obviously don’t teach you <em>feelings </em>in university, huh?” Ludwig’s brows knitted together.</p><p> </p><p>“No?” He looked down before looking back up again. “Can you please put on a shirt? I don’t need to see your nipples.” Ludwig’s frank way of putting things amused Feliciano.</p><p> </p><p>He snorted, “I didn’t know I was so unattractive!”</p><p> </p><p>“No- No! It’s not like that, I’m sorry-“ Ludwig cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t really taken the request so seriously but sometimes Ludwig had trouble discerning that, “You know, you were never great at expressing yourself,” His voice had become muffled as he pulled his forgotten shirt over his head. Fully dressed was not his idea of comfort but he’d probably do anything for Ludwig. Sitting at the end of his bed, he grinned. “Real stiff and orderly.” He lowered his voice and put on a German accent to imitate him.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that a bad thing?” Feliciano shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“It is when you think you haven’t had a bad time with all… This,” He pouted. “You should take care of yourself too. You’ll look older than me!”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that all you care about? Appearance?” Ludwig sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course not! I care more about the insides!” He grimaced. “I could’ve worded that better…” Instead, he put a hand on his heart. “The heart! And don’t try to go all science-y and tell me that the heart doesn’t <em>really </em>work like that.” He pre-emptively told him.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I won’t then,” Ludwig smiled tersely. “I just don’t like to think that I did wrong by your brother. I didn’t think I’d care so much about his opinion.” He explained. Feliciano shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes he just decides not to like someone. Don’t take it personally – He’ll come around if he wants to…” He frowned. Ludwig came to sit down beside him, Feliciano moving over to accommodate him.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw you were stressed last night,” Ludwig pointed out. “I think you need to take care of yourself too.”</p><p> </p><p>“… I was,” Feliciano admitted. “He just disappeared with Antonio and even though he was with someone else it didn’t feel great. I didn’t even think Antonio would <em>actually </em>come – I was just having a joke.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you can’t treat everything too lightly then,” There it was. The light scolding, Feliciano didn’t mind it. It set him straight. “But it is strange… Do you think…?”</p><p> </p><p>“Think what?” Ludwig was hesitant. “You can say it – I promise there are no cameras in the walls.” He chuckled, expecting him to say something that could potentially be somewhat insulting about his brother. Often people said things that could be construed that way.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it was a bad thought. Too quick to make any conclusions.” The scandalous nature of this conversation’s direction made Feliciano sit on the edge of his metaphorical seat.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hm</em>, I can get an idea,” His eyebrow raised coyly. “You think they – <em>Well</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well?” Ludwig furrowed his brows but seemed to be embarrassed by the suggestion. A sign that he was thinking the same way Feliciano was.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve seen Antonio, right?” Ludwig nodded hesitantly. “I have a sneaking suspicion he’s bent – At least a little. And Lovino looks like me so of course, he’s cute!” The younger man sputtered.</p><p> </p><p>“W-Well, technically he came first so you look like-“ Feliciano whined before he could finish the sentence. Mostly because it was a harsh reality that he would always be compared to his elder, the oldest was always the original after all and he’d worked hard to be completely original himself.</p><p> </p><p>“The technicalities don’t matter! What matters is this is a sign that Lovino is <em>blooming</em>! Getting out of his shell!” The excitement seemed to die down with Ludwig’s sour expression. “What is it?”</p><p> </p><p>“This is an active case, if Lovino is <em>blooming </em>anywhere it shouldn’t be with someone working on his case. That’s just… I didn’t want to suspect anything so serious without evidence. Forget it.”</p><p> </p><p>“No evidence? Who spends so long, at night, away from people and comes back looking like he’s seen angels! That’s <em>love</em> – Or sex. But that’s a fine line!” His thoughts seemed to jump all over the place at the possibilities this opened. <em>Finally</em>, his brother couldn’t give him too much grief because now that he’d done exactly what Lovino criticised him of he couldn’t place any wrong with him again. “I think it’s a solid case opened and closed situation. This would probably be the next worst thing he’s done, next to a life of crime of course.”</p><p> </p><p>Ludwig stared at him. It wasn’t a nice stare either. It was a disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>“I would suggest you think about what you’re saying…” He shook his head, standing up. “He’s your brother. Not a competition to be the worst of the two.” Feliciano sat up properly, frowning.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all just fun.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fun?” A guilty feeling in his chest began to rise. “I know you love him and worry about him but sometimes that isn’t enough. I don’t know if you would even like him if you didn’t think you were better than him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, now <em>that </em>is a statement without evidence.” Feliciano stood defensive.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not blind. You like people to rely on you… That’s why we’re still just friends. If I don’t know what we are then I can’t just leave without finding out. I <em>have </em>to…” He stopped. “I’m sorry, I should go home. I’m working tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>He tried to suppress how disappointed he was. Usually, their goodbyes were nicer than this, a little more optimistic, “I don’t mean it that way.” He said. It was the only form of defence for his actions he could come up with.</p><p> </p><p>“I know. Most people don’t intend to be selfish. It’s human,” Even he seemed hurt by what he had said. “I’ll see you later.”</p><p> </p><p>Feliciano nodded absentmindedly, knowing he was just being honest. Sometimes he needed that, but he didn’t want that right now. It hurt too much.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Lovino hadn’t expected to see Ludwig in the foyer of the apartment complex looking beside himself. He had only gotten about halfway down the last flight of stairs before they caught sight of each other.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going somewhere?” Lovino nodded, a little perplexed by the question. Of course, he was, he was dressed and going down the stairs. His brother’s place wasn’t exactly his idea of comfort. “I don’t… Is it important?”</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell is with the inquisition? Get to the point.” He walked down the last few set of steps before he put a hand on the front door that led outside. Ludwig stopped him.</p><p> </p><p>“There are people out there.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>People</em>?” Lovino scoffed. “Yeah, welcome to the real world, dumbass,” He shook his head before attempting to pull the handle. “Let go of my hand, you want a kiss or something?” He raised an eyebrow at his odd behaviour.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re <em>reporters </em>and unless you want your face everywhere then you should go out the back.” Lovino groaned.</p><p> </p><p>“This is your fault, you know that?” Offended, Ludwig’s attitude changed.</p><p> </p><p>“My fault? You think I wanted to talk to them? I never even mentioned your <em>name</em>.” Annoyed, Lovino shrugged in his inability to come up with anything witty in response. He was just as pissed off as Ludwig seemed to be by this mess.</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking animals – You still talked to them.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you think I liked doing that? It was the only thing that let them leave me alone,” Ludwig shook his head. “What I answered was just a fraction of what I was asked about anyway. They’ve been saying things about Gilbert.” The sad look on his face was indicative of how much they dug up. Whatever it was though, Lovino wasn’t sure of.</p><p> </p><p>“What <em>things</em>?” Ludwig shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re nothing important.” He looked behind a door, it only led to the laundry room though.</p><p> </p><p>“Hit me with it. I have to see that bastard for my case,” The twitch in his lips made him spark into anger. “Come on, what the hell is wrong with him?”</p><p> </p><p>“They’re saying he’s purposely stalling the case…” He shook his head. “Look, he hasn’t been kind about people like us.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Like us</em>?” Lovino scoffed. “I’m not-“</p><p> </p><p>“You like to get defensive about the <em>smallest </em>things, don’t you?” Ludwig sighed, exasperated. “Gilbert wasn’t that kind to me when I told him, and he’s been reckless in the past about his words when he talked about some of the victims,” This news was enough for Lovino to be somewhat disgusted, but it wasn’t too dissimilar to what majority of people thought. “He doesn’t like to let on how poor they’ve been at solving the case.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s new?” Lovino grumbled. “I can’t say I’m happy to hear that one of the lead investigators on my case doesn’t like me.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not that… It’s complicated.” <em>Complicated</em>. Something told him that was Ludwig’s way of making simple explanations he didn’t like seem better than they were. Gilbert was an asshole. That was plain and simple.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, like your little fake relationship?” He jabbed. They had managed to find an emergency exit out back with a short hallway. Instead of opening the door, Ludwig stopped in front of it.</p><p> </p><p>“No, this is worse. People are dead and you nearly were too. If my brother was in any way hesitant to put <em>everything</em> in to solve this case, just because of who they were… It would be worse than anything between your brother and me.” Yes, that would be worse. A conflict of interest to the highest degree. Something that <em>should </em>take him off the case. He hated the idea that he was purposely, even if it was subconscious, making the case harder to solve. Making it impossible to solve.</p><p> </p><p>Shocked, Lovino posited a statement in the form of a question, “You believe them?” He didn’t expect Ludwig to be so accepting of his brother’s faults.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, after what he did to me… The papers said he's used slurs before. I don’t know who he is anymore,” Ludwig swallowed. “He could be anyone,” Ignoring him, Ludwig opened the door to exit. “Excuse me, I have to go.”</p><p> </p><p>Lovino nodded before he thought about it more, “So do I.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Just who the fuck are you, <em>detective</em>?” Gilbert was quick to stand to attention when Lovino burst into his office. Antonio remaining in his chair but equally as spooked by the sudden appearance. “And why the fuck are there reporters I have to actively avoid just to live a goddamn normal life?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what you want from this but you need to calm down-“</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down? <em>Calm down</em>? Just when were you going to tell me that they have a detective who doesn’t give a <em>shit </em>about the case he’s investigating?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Woah, <em>woah</em>, what the hell gave you that impression?” Antonio piped in after Gilbert’s confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“I think someone has been reading the papers.” Gilbert groaned.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you?” Lovino shook his head. “Then where did you get the impression I don’t care? Just because there haven’t been answers doesn’t mean I don’t <em>care </em>– These things take time-”</p><p> </p><p>“Your brother,” <em>Ludwig</em>? A sense of betrayal was felt deep in his chest. “Your brother told me an awful lot about what kind of person you are. Even if he didn’t verbalise all of it.</p><p> </p><p>“What kind of person am I then?” Lovino scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell else would it be? He said you have a problem with people <em>like us</em>, even if I don’t want to be lumped in with your brother.” He said with genuine disgust. Gilbert looked to Antonio who seemed to be avoiding the conflict.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you looking to me?” Antonio asked cluelessly.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, man. I thought you’d back me up here. <em>He’s scary</em>.” He whispered. Lovino didn’t like people talking behind his back though, that much was obvious when he got closer.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m right here!” Still, Antonio shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t say much about what you think, Gil. Sorry.” Gilbert laughed before turning to Lovino.</p><p> </p><p>“This is just another thing trying to make us seem like we don’t know what we’re doing. As I said, these things take time.” Unconvinced, Lovino’s frown deepened.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell did you say about the rest? What have you said about <em>me</em>?” The amusement at how ridiculous this was died down as Gilbert realised this could be the difference between Lovino denouncing him or working with him in the future.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I don’t understand it but it doesn’t affect what I do.” Now it was Lovino’s time to be amused.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? It doesn’t affect your work? Do you know how fucking ridiculous that sounds to <em>me</em>? If you discriminate against the fucking <em>victims, </em>then how the hell should I trust you to find who did it? You might be closer to the one who did it than you care to admit.”</p><p> </p><p>“You will not compare me to a fucking murderer!” Gilbert snapped. “I have spent three years on this case, and I haven’t had a good night of rest that entire time!”</p><p> </p><p>“Well neither will I!” His voice grew so loud that it cracked from the strain. “Except unlike you, I can’t just close this case and be done with it – I’ll live with it <em>forever </em>while you have your time in the limelight. You fucking hack, I should have known your incompetency had to of come from <em>somewhere</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“If I had a conflict of interest I would’ve never been put on this case and I sure as hell would’ve been taken off of it.” Gilbert made one last attempt to salvage this before Lovino took it too far. Instead, he shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“No, fuck you,” He spat. “Like there has never been a cop that doesn’t give a shit about the people he’s supposed to protect. You better put an end to those reporters staking out the apartment soon or I might come down here myself and knock your teeth in.” The door opened up with Francis peeking through. Gilbert pleaded with his eyes to calm Lovino down.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello!” He sang. “The noise in here is getting a little <em>excited</em>, is something wrong?” Arthur butted in, pushing Francis in the process with his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“It sounds like a bloody brawl in here, people are working out there too, I’m sure you are aware.” Lovino swung around.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d knock your teeth in too if they weren’t so fucked up already!” Francis began to laugh, wheezing in the process as Arthur began a one-sided bicker with him.  Lovino turned to glare at Gilbert one last time. “I’m done with this shitty investigation – Don’t bother me again. As far as I’m concerned, I’m putting this behind me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t just obstruct an investigation-“ It was clear that Lovino had no interest in whatever Gilbert had to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I can choose whatever the fuck I want to say. And I choose to say nothing until there’s a new investigator who actually gives a shit.” Antonio stood up, looking to Gilbert as he was realising how far Lovino had gone. This could be bad. <em>Real </em>bad.</p><p> </p><p>“I think maybe we should go somewhere less crowded,” He suggested. Lovino stared him down, suspicious. “We can talk about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re just as bad as him.” Antonio smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think you understand. I’ll explain it in private and we can see if we can come to some kind of agreement before Gilbert runs his mouth into the ground.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey I’m right here-“ Antonio turned his attention to him to shut him up. It worked, enough. He did have a mouth on him that sometimes he didn’t have control of. That’s half the reason he was in this mess in the first place. “Go on.” Gilbert relented.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, coffee?” Antonio asked, softly placing a hand on the back of Lovino’s shoulder, guiding him out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I had some earlier this morning,” Lovino muttered before looking back at Gilbert. With a groan, he looked back to Antonio. “What the hell… I’ll have another.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Germany would probably be quite young compared to everyone else, wouldn't he? I know the wiki says he appears 20 but he's technically younger than America so I don't know haha. I think of him as a baby (but the most mature of the bunch) so I kinda write him younger than everyone. Anyway, that's my lil' unnecessary Germany rant justifying why Ludwig here is younger than his semi-boyfriend guy person.</p><p>Thank you guys so much for all the nice comments on this fic! Just a little idea of how long this is going to be, this is probably a little closer to the last third of an Act II (If this were a movie lmao). The big climax will be quite soon so it's actually not that far off to ending as I intended for this to be pretty concise and neat, I'm trying not to become too long-winded with my fics to avoid unnecessary filler and it makes the pace not too weird. Just in case some were waiting for a longfic sort of thing (although I don't know what counts as a longfic at this point, this is just not some magnum opus of mine haha.).</p><p>Again, thanks for everyone reading this fic - The comments are fun to read, and sorry for making you sit through such a long note! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Painless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>They stood outside the police station with an awkwardly large gap between them that Lovino had created. The bland coffee, much worse than the expensive stuff his brother preferred, tasting like cardboard. It was terrible and not nearly bitter enough for what he liked.</p><p> </p><p>“You want to talk about what we can do to get you back?” Antonio asked. Lovino shook his head. “That’s… Alright.” It was a little awkward like he didn’t know what to do with himself. He leaned against the wall seeming to create a plan in his head about what to say next.</p><p> </p><p>Lovino sighed, putting the man out of his misery, “I’ll talk about it. But I can’t promise I’ll agree to anything that involves <em>him</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to, you could just talk to me instead if you had anything to say.” Lovino shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“He would have to look at it too, he’s the detective.” Antonio shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, so am I, right?” The sceptical look Lovino gave him didn’t seem to go entirely unnoticed as Antonio only slid closer. “Those people I work with are the closest to friends I have.”</p><p> </p><p>“Which is why I don’t trust you to keep secrets from them.” Antonio swallowed.</p><p> </p><p>“I keep plenty secrets from them – I have to… I have similar interests to you.” It was the most nervous and insecure he had seen from him. At the party, he seemed quite bold – Smiley, charismatic but now he could be likened to a teenager.</p><p> </p><p>Lovino thought for a second, taking in his particular choice of words, “<em>Oh</em>,” He realised. “I see.” He needed another sip of that terrible coffee to clear his throat.</p><p> </p><p>Antonio gave him a closed smile, “Which is why I think we should stick together. I would like it to be solved… Probably more than anybody would understand. Sometimes it’s hard to think about it all too much, I believe Gilbert when he says he hasn’t slept well. Neither have I.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wish it just never happened,” Lovino admitted. It wasn’t an odd thing to wish for, but it was too idealistic. It had happened already. To wish for something to somehow be better, the <em>potential </em>for better, it was unrealistic. It was impossible. “Instead I was just <em>lucky</em>.” Antonio furrowed his brows as if he was investigating his face. He wasn’t very good at reading people he assumed if he had to try so hard.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you… Did you have anywhere that you needed to be?” He scoffed at the question. He <em>did </em>before his anger had controlled him. But it wasn’t important per se, he just wanted a stroll. Like a <em>normal </em>person.</p><p> </p><p>“No. I was just going to go back home,” There was an uncomfortable part of him that was telling him to stop thinking so <em>personally</em> about everything. “You aren’t doing what you did last time are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Last time?” Antonio frowned. He really was dumber than a bag of bricks.</p><p> </p><p>“That trick – The one where you act like you’re just <em>suggesting </em>I run off somewhere with you.”­­ He seemed nervous but so was Lovino. The anxiety on Antonio’s face was something he had seen before. Especially when there were other ideas, but that expression usually happened at the bars, not somewhere like here and brightly lit. Maybe Feliciano was on to something when it came to talking to people in well-lit places.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think of it as a trick… I don’t invite anybody anywhere in particular.” The earnest tone of his voice made Lovino curious.</p><p> </p><p>“You really don’t, huh?” He scoffed. “For a supposedly successful cop you’re pretty much a loser, aren’t you?” Antonio shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“I can neither confirm nor deny that…” He smiled. “Although, I think I’m pretty average.” No, he wasn’t. Lovino thought of him as <em>above </em>average on more than one level.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think so.” Antonio seemed hurt by that sentence. For some reason. Lovino was actually quite embarrassed he even said that as he planned on taking it back before Antonio responded. Unfortunately, Lovino didn’t have the chance.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I didn’t think I was <em>that </em>bad.” Lovino sighed. Another thing that Antonio was above average on a scale. Above averagely stupid.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I meant the other way. The good way…”  He shook his head. “You’re the only halfway decent cop I’ve met,” He smiled mockingly. “And I’ve dealt with a few of those before.” Antonio’s lips grew taut in thought. It was almost concerning how long he thought about it.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good to hear from you. You would be a credible source with all that experience.” He nodded in agreement with himself. Lovino was astonished by how little he seemed to think about the offence that could’ve been taken by an acquaintance telling him that.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Tch</em>, you really are a bastard. I take back everything nice I said.” He said childishly. Even if he was <em>credible.</em> Most cops didn’t bother with the formalities and went straight to being the worst people he had met – And Lovino could barely remember all those terrible people but it was clear when there was the especially horrible that could stand out in the recesses of his memory.</p><p> </p><p>“Wha- Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it – Sometimes I… Well,” Antonio sheepishly smiled as he stumbled on his words. “I was never known for my tact.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well, I kind of picked that up when the only thing you could think of to make me feel any better was to give me some shitty bag of cashews.” The jab had a playful ring to it that Antonio didn’t seem to be picking up on. Or just didn’t care. Given his historical proportions of failure to read the room though on Antonio’s part, Lovino was thinking that it was the former. This was only solidified when Antonio frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“I think they’re a pretty convenient snack." He nodded absentmindedly. Taking a moment to think of what to say without sounding overly <em>nice </em>to an acquaintance, opening and closing his mouth several times to try and get it right. Quite honestly, he looked a little like a pufferfish.</p><p> </p><p>“I was going to thank you for whatever this de-escalation method is but while I’ve become less angry you’ve replaced it with… Something else,” He sighed in annoyance, unsure of what to do with himself. “I should go.” Distress flashed in Antonio’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Will you be coming back?” His first instinct was to shake his head. He didn’t <em>want </em>to come back. “I think you should.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, <em>you </em>think I should. I have nothing else to give.”</p><p> </p><p>“But what if we think you do it might be important,” Yes, he was well aware of that. But surely it was understandable to be selfish. Just once more. All the other times he had been selfish weren’t for such important reasons – He wasn’t sure how much more he could take. “It can be just like this. Make it less like sitting in a white, <em>or grey</em>, room.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to keep thinking about it anymore. I want to move on.” Antonio frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t rush moving on.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, asshole. You don’t exactly look like someone who has had anything like this happen to you to move on from – You can’t tell me what to do.” Petty. So goddamn petty. But Antonio didn’t flinch.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right. I guess. It’s kind of like calling the kettle black,” He chuckled. “You take some time away from this, but I guarantee it’ll keep eating at you unless you just scratch the itch.” Just scratch the itch. Whatever the hell that was. Spill his guts. Cry? Scream? It was all so irrational; all it would serve to do is make him look like he was falling apart – Crazy. Yet Antonio seemed understanding enough to think otherwise, smiling at him with soft eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever…” Taking a pen from the inside of his jacket Lovino watched as Antonio wrote something on his coffee cup. “What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>It took a couple of seconds for Antonio to respond, handing the cup to him, “You should come here if you ever need anything… You know, just in case. But you should probably keep it discreet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Motherfucke-“ With a grin, Antonio began to walk away. “Just where the hell is this?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not a bad area. I promise.” <em>That </em>wasn’t his point of contention, but it appeared he was too stupid to figure that out himself.</p><p> </p><p>“If this is what I think it is then I’m going to kick your ass later,” He growled. “I’m not a cruiser like my idiot brother.” Such a thing was insulting to say the least.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>That </em>implies there’s going to be a later. Besides, I’d never expect something like that from you I just know you’re more open like this... Without all the eyes.” That was true at least but even then, it was hard to be trusting. Not with all that had happened.</p><p> </p><p>“If I’m going, I’m bringing my brother,” He decided. “I doubt he would think anything of it,” Antonio’s lips went taut as he thought over the agreement. “Come on, take it or leave it-“</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, sure. I was just wondering if he’s good at…” Closing his hands together, Lovino got the gist of what he was saying. “I mean, he told me <em>all </em>about your social life on the phone.” The anger bubbled up inside him.</p><p> </p><p>“He fucking <em>what</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“Or, well, the lack of it.” Groaning, Lovino shook his head, crossing his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to kick his ass, right now,” He shot Antonio a glare, shaking the coffee cup around. “You should go back in there and tell that bastard that I <em>might </em>reconsider the case, but my terms still stand. I don’t want him involved but I’m willing to let you work on it – Just not <em>him</em>.” The wide-eyes expression Antonio gave him let him see the green of his eyes better, in the light they were much more brilliant.</p><p> </p><p>“But…” He seemed quick to give up once he saw the earnest expression on his face. Every bit of annoyance directed at Gilbert evident enough by a glance and when Antonio reciprocated with his relinquishment, he was sure that the detective would be honest with him. “Alright. I’m sure he’ll accept those terms if it means we can put this behind us sooner. If he doesn’t then… Well, I’ll try.” Nodding in satisfaction, Lovino looked at the address on the cup. Appreciating the messy handwriting he was quick to lay out his sentiment to such an absurd option.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see if I ever need anything to justify writing on such trash coffee. But no promises,” Antonio nodded. “Good… Good.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope I see you soon.” His face turned hot. Maybe it was just because it came from that face. An objectively good face. He had to remind himself he wasn’t like Feliciano – He liked to think that he wasn’t so easily impressed by a pretty face, not enough to throw his all at him at least. Even if he wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, let’s hope,” He said with a sarcastic tone. “Now let me get on with my errands.” Antonio held his hands up.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, that’s not a crime, go ahead,” He rolled his eyes, a soft laugh came from beside him that made his face flush. Turning on his heels, he didn’t even hesitate to leave. More so because of the embarrassment more than anything else. “You didn’t need to go ahead so fast!”</p><p> </p><p>“See you later, asshole!” Now to him, that sounded too much like a promise. Far too much.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“So?” Gilbert was quick to jump on Antonio as he entered their shared office space. “What the hell is wrong with him?” Unimpressed, Antonio sat down at his desk without answering. “What is it? Is it bad?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Eres tonto o</em>…?” Antonio glanced at Gilbert’s dumbfounded face before he shook his head. “No, I think you just are.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, tell it to me straight without saying whatever the hell you just said.” If he didn’t know any better, he would think he had just said something insulting. Sighing, Antonio gave Gilbert his full attention as he swung around.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t be involved in the case if we’re going to have Lovino on our side. It’s probably for the best anyway.” The anger in his chest came back to the surface but also disappointment in how the tables had turned. It wasn’t ideal in the slightest. He thought he cared enough for none of this to matter – It didn’t matter what his private life was if it meant this was done with.</p><p> </p><p>“Then who the hell <em>will </em>be involved in the case?” Antonio shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Ask for resignation on the case and you’ll probably be put onto something less controversial. You’ll keep your job but make everybody happy in the process by not taking this specific job. Save your image – Or whatever is left of it,” He grunted, disliking how nonchalant Antonio was about all this. How <em>accepting </em>he was to leave him out on the dirt path. “Everything else you won’t have to worry about.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t seriously believe that I can’t do this?” Gilbert said in disbelief. “That kid has issues, he’s just shouting whatever pops into his head.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not just Lovino, you know that… I can’t say I’ve always been comfortable around you,” Antonio admitted. “Your brother probably wouldn’t be either.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just how the fuck can you comment on <em>anything </em>between me and <em>my </em>brother?” The way Antonio’s eyebrows shot up showed him just how absurdly defensive he was being. It didn’t matter, he was pissed and standing with a clenched trembling fist. He saw Antonio’s eyes dart towards Gilbert’s left hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember that day – You came into work with a bandage on your hand. When Francis asked about it you replied, <em>just Ludwig</em>. You hated him and he didn’t even hit back,” Guilt overwhelmed him as he decided it wasn’t good optics to be so tense, so defensive as he liked to be when he was cornered. It was true, there wasn’t a scratch on himself, but he had certainly given Ludwig some nasty bruising and a bloody shirt he’s never seen him wear since. “Of course, I didn’t know it was because he was like <em>that,</em> but I guess it makes sense now in hindsight.” It wasn’t even contempt in Antonio’s voice, what made it worse was that it was pity. Gilbert never enjoyed pity it was too humiliating.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>God damn this bullshit</em>,” He felt like kicking something as he hissed out the words under his breath. Something hard. Of course, none of that would actually help but at least it would be something to let go of some of the initial frustration he felt. He sat down, defeated. “I need to think this through. Give it a night and… Just figure it out.” It seemed right anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“I strongly urge you to do what Lovino wants, you would still be helping that way.” Yes, but it wouldn’t be the same.</p><p> </p><p>“I know…” He frowned. “But while I’m here with you I’ll do what I can. Just try not to make this day unusual.”</p><p> </p><p>Antonio smiled, “I think the day has already gotten unusual.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean,” He shook his head, letting out a laugh under his breath. “Prick.”</p><p> </p><p>“I heard that.” Antonio didn’t exactly sound offended, but he didn’t seem to happy about it either. A childlike sadness in his tone.</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” They stared at each other for a while. “I hope we can still be friends.” He admitted his fears perhaps a little too jokingly for something he seriously wanted.</p><p> </p><p>Searching for a distraction, Antonio nodded with a terse smile before he stood up to write something down on the chalkboard, “Let’s just get to work.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Lovino finally made it up the winding stairs to Kiku and Feliciano’s apartment he set a bag down on the floor for a second while he knocked or rather <em>pounded </em>on the door with a fist. He sighed in annoyance as he picked up the bag again, waiting for someone to answer. After nobody came, he kicked on the door to get what he wanted faster.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Feliciano</em>! Open the goddamn door I have-“ The door swung open revealing a stranger. A rather tall dirty blond stranger who looked a little too comfortable to be there. Sceptically, he looked around the kid. “Kindly, <em>what the fuck</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>The kid looked like he had to pick his jaw off the floor before he got a hold of himself, pushing up his glasses which had slid down his nose, “Sorry, dude. Just thought you were that Feliciano guy for a minute, but you know, he wouldn’t have such a mouth on him,” The idiot, why would he be saying his own name if he were Feliciano? “He’s pretty fun, you just look tired, it’s like night and day!” Obnoxious laughter resonated throughout the hallway. It took everything within his power not to sock him in the face, but he probably wouldn’t be able to reach that far. “Want me to carry those? You look like you’re struggling.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” He pushed his way through the apartment. “I don’t need to hear anything more about your relationship with my brother.” Placing the bags on the counter he began to sift through for the refrigerated items. It was obvious that he had this conversation many times before with strangers. People who liked to make sly comments about <em>the differences</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Uh</em>, I’ll be honest I don’t really know the guy,” <em>Yes, most people don’t</em>, Lovino thought, but it wasn’t like that stopped Feliciano. But when Alfred pointed with his thumb towards the hallway, he clarified. “I only came over last night because Kiku has an NES, pretty bitchin’.”</p><p> </p><p>“A what?” He shook his head as the stranger opened his mouth, “You know what? Never mind, probably stupid anyway. You’ve just been here this whole time?”</p><p> </p><p>He grinned, “Hell yeah, Princess Peach isn’t going to save herself!” Lovino sighed, moving his personal mini stack of groceries to the refrigerator – This guy was an idiot and a half, that couldn’t bode well for his opinion on Kiku either if his friends were this dumb. “Kiku said he was going to be back soon though. Something about his washing being stolen. Kind of sucks you guys don’t have your own laundry, at my place I have my own-“</p><p> </p><p>“Just who the fuck are you before you start talking my ear off?” He slammed the door of the refrigerator.</p><p> </p><p>Holding out a hand, he replied, “Alfred F. Jones,” When Lovino stared at the thing Alfred made a quick recovery by putting his hand into the pocket of his bomber jacket. “Not much of a handshake person?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. Not really an idiot whisperer either,” Alfred chuckled. “I wasn’t kidding.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know. You don’t give me that impression…” <em>Fuck</em>, Lovino thought, this just felt too weird. He didn’t know what to do with strange people. Kiku and he weren’t close but this Alfred guy was even more alien to him – Not to mention <em>American</em>. “So, uh, hey. There’s like a few handfuls of news station people out there just standing around like a bunch of weirdos. What’s that about?” Lovino took a second to pause. <em>Damn</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Maintaining a guarded demeanour, he tried to ignore his eyes and focused on taking everything out of the bags, “About me. Just ignore them.”</p><p> </p><p>“About you?” He raised an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, the case? You must be living under a rock.” Alfred rubbed his neck, suddenly looking a little uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I don’t watch the news, man. They’re basically just advertisements with too many words,” Well, not quite but he doubted that a squirrel brain like him had much of any attention span. “You haven’t done anything bad have you? Because if you did then that’s <em>no bueno </em>for me to be talking to you.” He scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“If surviving a murder attempt is bad then - <em>no bueno</em>.” He responded sarcastically. A good way to deaden the confidence in the kid, hopefully, he would leave him alone for good. Instead, he leaned on the counter, an unavoidable gaze focused on him.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Holy shit</em> – That was <em>you</em>?” He looked around awkwardly trying to avoid the confrontation. “I think I heard around about some guy that got- But I didn’t think that it… Is it true?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, yes? Sure, stop being a freak.” Seriously, too many people seemed way too interested in him. It was beginning to get on his nerves. Alfred stood back like the counter had burned him and grabbed him by the shoulders, freezing up his eyes went wide as he stared at Alfred.</p><p> </p><p>“Did it hurt?” It was strange how desperate he sounded. “It didn’t hurt did it?” Stunned was what he was, Lovino opened his mouth before closing it again, realising how strong of a grip Alfred had on him. “Come on, man – You have to tell me!”</p><p> </p><p>Gaining some awareness of just how crazy this <em>stranger </em>was he struggled against the grip, “Let go of me first you psycho!” It took too long for Alfred to register the words, long enough for Lovino to feel trapped by just how powerless he was against someone like him. As soon as he let go, Lovino moved three paces backwards, enough of a distance for him to feel somewhat safe at least.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m sorry but you <em>have</em> to tell me,” He struggled to get the words out. “Mattie- My brother, two years ago now…” His heart sunk. “They made it sound <em>bad</em> and I just-“ Lovino’s eyes darted to the side when he heard the door opening. His shoulders were tense, and Alfred wasn’t letting go but remained shaken, grip trembling. Kiku struggled to get through the door with a load of clothes in a basket.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise Feliciano had left his down there as well and-“ His apologetic rambling stopped when he noticed that Lovino was there too. “Oh, you’re back.” Stunned at the scene, he shifted his weight on the basket. As soon as Alfred’s hands loosened around his arms, Lovino stepped back, looking between Kiku and Alfred – Tears streaming down the latter’s face. It wasn’t long before he had decided to take off, turning to push past a surprised Kiku who truly didn’t have the slightest clue of what had happened to cause this. Following Alfred’s swift departure, Lovino made sure that he wasn’t too far behind him, swinging his head out the front door to see where he had gone.</p><p> </p><p>Without a second thought, he stood in the hallway and yelled, “<em>Alfred</em>!” He didn’t stop so Lovino did it for him, jogging over to grab onto the back of his jacket. “It hurts at first – It hurts a lot, one of the worst things I’ve ever felt,” His body was shaking from being so truthful but then he had to play a game of two truths and one lie. Just to ease the cries of the poor kid. Alfred turning to look at Lovino’s face as if to plead with him that it wasn’t true – He could barely look at his face. “But then… It’s painless… You just stop.” Making some attempt at eye contact, Alfred nodded hesitantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Painless?” He nodded back. All he could do was hope that he believed him. Trying to restrain himself, Alfred put his hands in his pockets again as if it would help. Somehow, he severely doubted that it did. But at least he could do something, even if it was as minimal as lying to him. “That’s…” Well, it certainly wasn’t <em>good </em>to die a painless death, just preferable. “Thanks for telling me – I’m sorry about…”</p><p> </p><p>Sorry was never enough, “Yeah, don’t worry about it. Go home,” His face was a brilliant shade of red, so were his sclera. It really made the blue more noticeable. “Go out the back or you might have one of those journalists catch you like this. You’ll think you’re lost but you’ll find it pretty fast…” Swallowing some of his sorrow, Alfred nodded silently before going on his way. He hoped it would be the last time he had to have that guy walk away like that, he wished that he had never met Alfred.</p><p> </p><p>His heart jumped when he felt a hand touching him on the shoulder, “Sorry for touching you - What happened?” Kiku asked, when he looked behind him, he couldn’t help but hide how affected he was.</p><p> </p><p>“Just don’t ask him about it next time he wants to use your NE-whatever,” Kiku nodded but it was obvious he was still confused. “Or me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I…” Lovino watched as he furrowed his brows. “Okay.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Come on, <em>fuck</em>,” His brother <em>always </em>answered his phone. It was stressing him out way too much to hear it ringing out to no avail. Deciding to call his work phone, he dialled the number. Once. Twice. Until a third ring ended with Ludwig finally picking up. “Lud- Look, I’ve really fucked up today and I-“</p><p> </p><p>“Woah, <em>language</em>,” That wasn’t his voice at all. “What is the reason you’re calling?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Uh</em>- I’m looking for a Ludwig,” Embarrassed, he waited for the response before he heard a mumble. “What was that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ludwig called in sick about an hour ago.” He frowned. <em>Sick</em>? Even if he was sick, he would still manage to come into work, even if it meant he had to put himself in a bubble he always overdid himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, thanks anyway,” He hung up immediately. “Little shit.” The only time he needs him, and he isn’t there. Go figure. It’s as if he dropped off the face of the planet. If he was ‘sick’ then he should be at home and if he was at home, then all that told him was that he was ignoring him. He liked to think that someone his age went out and did all kinds of exciting things but if there was one thing that Ludwig wasn’t it was exciting. Ignorance was the only answer so he decided that it was best to make himself <em>unignorable</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Call one.</p><p> </p><p>Two.</p><p> </p><p>Three.</p><p> </p><p>Four.</p><p> </p><p>Five.</p><p> </p><p>Six.</p><p> </p><p>Seven.</p><p> </p><p>Eig-</p><p> </p><p>“<em>God damn you Gilbert, stop it</em>.” He heard a hiss over the other side. On the outside, he was smirking but internally he was breathing a deep sigh of relief as he began to worry that maybe he was wrong. Maybe Ludwig <em>wasn’t </em>at home. Maybe he was- “What do you want, I’m busy.”</p><p> </p><p>He laughed, “<em>Busy</em>? You’re not at work right now.”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you- Oh for the love of- You didn’t call did you?” He could hear the frustration in his brother’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think I would do?” Unimpressed, Ludwig continued, already knowing the answer to that question.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got somebody over,” He admitted. “I can’t talk to you now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Somebody?” He groaned, rubbing his face. It was never just <em>somebody </em>whenever someone said that. It was always somebody.</p><p>                                                                        </p><p>“Yes, <em>somebody</em> and I think that it’s serious so… You can’t just interrupt my life just because you feel like it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Interrupt your life?” He scoffed. “I don’t know if you have any idea what you’ve done but I’m in some deep shit right now – This is my <em>job</em>. You put thoughts in Lovino’s head that could cost this case.”</p><p> </p><p>“I only told the truth,” He always told the truth. Too much of it apparently. “If you can’t take what you throw at others then I can’t help you with that.” Ludwig said coolly.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, that’s-“</p><p> </p><p>Thoroughly exhausted by the short conversation, Ludwig said, “I’ve got to go, Gilbert. Bye.” Before hanging up the call. His little brother deciding when he wanted to talk to him hit his pride hard, Ludwig was supposed to be the kid, not him but he certainly found a way to put him in his place. Even if that place didn’t feel great.</p><p> </p><p>Putting the phone back but didn’t feel any satisfaction from it. He was still the same guy who was losing something so precious to him and he had nobody to turn to. He was utterly alone. Except one.</p><p> </p><p>Picking up the phone one more time, he decided that his ego had been hurt once, might as well knock it down a second time.</p><p> </p><p>A groan before a tired voice, “You really need to stop calling at such bad times-“</p><p> </p><p>“Liz, I need help,” He admitted. “<em>Real </em>help.”</p><p> </p><p>Sighing, Elizabeta was quick to say, “I’ll be right over.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Man, it took way too long to upload this!<br/>I had to rework some things I wasn't too happy with and deleted quite a bit too over and over again, things that I was frustrated I had to delete but also contributed nothing important either so big reee- (rip to all those scenes that will never see the light of day)<br/>I'm getting pretty hype about things though because this is a pretty poignant chapter for the next ones and I get to update with a little more exciting stuff (for me anyway, maybe not for readers who I hope can be mad at me for what I'm going to do in a couple of chapters time...)<br/>Thanks for reading! I'll try my best to update this fic more often as my exams are all over and my work is getting pretty steady at the moment, see ya and I'd like to hear thoughts! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Between</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is more of 0.5 of a chapter and isn't intended to be a full chapter but I guess I just had to include it to continue with a nice foundation with a bit of a quiet GerIta moment that was happening during the last chapter while focusing on everybody else's business lmao. It is still pretty important though for character arcs I guess but not a full chapter, unfortunately.<br/>After this though, I'll post the next full chapter with more content in it that progresses the main storyline.</p><p>My state just went into a lockdown (for the first time in 10 whole months! It was a pretty good run lmao) so I'll have plenty more time to post, super sorry I've left this to rot for such a long time life got busy for too long haha.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It was painfully obvious that he was the one at fault otherwise he wouldn’t be the one standing outside with his hands in his pockets staring intently at his toes. As always, Ludwig was prompt to open the door before seeing his face and cursing under his breath. It wasn’t the best feeling in the world to have such an annoyed face staring back at him.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t just come over without telling me.” With a sheepish smile, Feliciano refused to be anywhere else.</p><p> </p><p>“I was just in the neighbourhood,” Ludwig raised a sceptical eyebrow. “Joking – Sorry,” He pouted. “I just wanted to apologise.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not me you should be apologising to. Your brother-” He shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, maybe I have plenty more to apologise for, but you deserve at least one of them,” It became uncomfortable for Ludwig, he could tell by the way he stood with less confidence. “Can I come in?”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you just wanted to apologise.” He smiled at how suspicious he sounded.</p><p> </p><p>“It won’t be like that if that’s what you’re thinking,” He shrugged. “Unless everything goes well,” He was the only one who laughed as it suddenly became awkward between them. “I didn’t mean that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, you didn’t,” Shaking his head, Ludwig moved away from the door but left it open. “I’ll give you some time, I guess. I appreciate having my own time too though.” Taking the opportunity, he stepped through the front door, closing it softly. He was quite comfortable here by now, he might as well ask for a key he came over so often. Although, that may be akin to opening pandora’s box of overdependence. God only knew he was already too dependent on him which is exactly why he couldn’t screw this up any more than he already had.</p><p> </p><p>“It smells like... Chemical.” He complained, the distinct smell of bleach in the air. He probably had spent some time scrubbing the tiles in the bathroom and kitchen for the scent to be so strong.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well. I have to keep this place clean,” <em>For the landlord</em>, he would usually say. Feliciano just had a sneaking suspicion it was more for himself than for anybody else though. “Just say what you want to say.” <em>And get out of here</em> – That was the impression his cold tone gave off anyway. The palms of his hands began to sweat but he didn’t let it bother him.</p><p> </p><p>“I just wanted to say I appreciate you. Everything you’ve been to me and I hope you don’t… Hate me. At least entirely,” He smiled. “We can do whatever it is that you want to do instead – As long as you’re still around. Or willing to be…” Ludwig’s expression didn’t betray any of his thoughts, as was customary of him. It could sometimes be hard for him to understand, especially when he held every little emotion or thought right on his sleeve, even when he tried not to.</p><p> </p><p>“I think that I’m too chagrin to make that decision right now.” Oh, wonderful. Perhaps the one and only time he wasn’t ready to make a decision was the decision that was most important to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah- Uh, well… What can I do to make you a little <em>less chagrin</em>?” He laughed, hoping that there was an easy fix for this kind of thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Just be straight with me.” Uncomfortable, Feliciano grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you know the one thing I’m not doing with you is <em>straight</em>,” The way Ludwig’s face failed to change forced him to change tactics. “What do you want to hear from me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Honesty. I just want honesty, but you can’t even do that, can you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I can be honest-“ As soon as he saw Ludwig’s face he found it hard to defend himself. Shrugging, he found himself putting his hands in and out of his pockets as if there would be something to get him out of the situation easier inside. Of course, the only thing in there were his keys and wallet, potentially easy ways to escape but the most damaging. He realised he couldn’t just leave without hurting Ludwig in the process. But why was it so <em>hard</em>? “I think we’re good friends…” He pouted, not quite complete in his thoughts but not quite able to figure out the best way to word them either.</p><p> </p><p>“So that’s it?” He shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Just one second,” He rubbed his neck, feeling the sweat beading. “…We’re just so different, I mean, I would want to tell everyone – Be open. You’re just so cautious… Not that it isn’t justified but… It’s just so much easier for both of us to do it <em>this </em>way. That way nobody has any problems outside of the bed,” It felt bad to say it but, “I just don’t think you’re ready. Neither am I… I was just hoping and waiting for things to get better before doing it the right way.” Looking to Ludwig for some kind of response, there was nothing there that helped ease his worry. Real worry.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, after an unbearably long silence, Ludwig sighed, “I see. I think it makes sense…” Shrugging, Feliciano could tell he was making some poor attempt to cope with the response. “I just thought maybe… I shouldn’t have assumed you would want to settle down.”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled, “Well, it isn’t like I haven’t been reeled in a little…” Trying to rid themselves of the barrier that had been set, he made himself somewhat comfortable by taking a seat on Ludwig’s admittedly old fashioned and uncomfortable couch, the point was to just <em>look </em>comfortable he supposed. Comfortable enough to pretend this was just any other time he had come over. “I stopped cruising after us, I thought with all this virus talk I would hate to be that person who hurts you.” He waved his hand around nonchalantly.</p><p> </p><p>“You stopped? Completely?” Feliciano grinned proudly.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course! Besides, it just sounds awful to end up all sick,” He frowned, tears in his eyes at the thought. Often, he struggled to control the first emotion that hit him. “Too slow,” He looked behind him to see Ludwig was still standing. Wiping his eyes, he tapped the spot beside him. “Come, sit! We can just talk about nice things. Like friends. I promise I won't be a downer.”</p><p> </p><p>It took some time to choose, Feliciano wouldn't have hard feelings if he were rejected but at the same time hoped it would all be okay in the end. When Ludwig took the offer, a great sense of relief overcame him.</p><p> </p><p>"Would you like a drink? I might have one," He asked, Feliciano nodded and allowed himself to be free of life's stressors for a night. "Let me just make a quick phone call and I'll be right back."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please provide comments for feedback, any and all is appreciated! Thank you for reading! :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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